(Closed) Balance: I want his opinion but dont want wedding to take over our realtionship

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I live with FH and he is NOT helpful on the wedding playing side unless I give him specific tasks and don’t talk about it constantly. Sunday’s our are “Wedding Days” If something comes up on Wednesday thats wedding related I will wait until Sunday to ask him about it. He is not an involved groom at all so having this schedule helps me and also makes him feel like he’s doing a good job. It’s a win win for us. Could the you make a schedule that would work for both of you?

Post # 4
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Email him to ask questions or for his opinion. Make sure to put “wedding” in the subject line so he knows it’s not something he needs to read right away. That way he can answer at his leisure and it won’t take away from your “together” time.

When my (now) Darling Husband and I were remodeling our house before we moved in, there were a MILLION decisions to make. I wanted his opinion, but didn’t want to overwhelm him or make him feel like all we do was talk about the house. I would narrow every decision down to my 2-3 favorites, and email him the choices. He would choose one, and we would both be happy. I did the same for the wedding.

 

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I like the idea that june42011 had about scheduling a day!

Post # 6
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Scheduling a day is great idea i might try that myself.

Post # 7
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We put a cap on the number of minutes for us per day that we talk about the wedding together.  Our cap is ten minutes, but we live together so that’s 70 minutes per week.  Usually he’ll get home from work and I’ll say can I ask wedding questions now?  He’ll say sure and I’ll rattle off like four or five questions I’ve stored up that day.  You guys could go up to 15 minutes or something since you don’t see each other as much.  Most days though I don’t need the whole ten minutes.

Post # 8
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MrsPinkPeony:  i like that idea because i feel like i too talk about the wedding too much to Fiance and i am afraid i am going to make him hate or can’t wait for it to be over. even if i don’t tell him, but tell myself that i can only ask his opinions etc on one day of the week, it will be my personal way of keeping myself in check!  thanks, even though this was not my thread!

Post # 9
Member
431 posts
Helper bee

My fiance and i are actually apart at the moment, he is overseas working and only comes into the country 2 weeks before the wedding..
it will have been SEVEN MONTHS away from each other this time. I find that wedding talks puts massive strain on us because he so badly wants to help, and i feel terrible cos his ideas are just being plucked out of nowhere without knowing what our venue looks like etc.  – – and the ideas are awful (hehe)

I find that instead of saying ‘what should we do for centrepieces’, i go and do my busy bee background, and only go to him with things like. ‘out of these two options, what do you think?’

This way, im happy cos i’ve chosen the two options in the first place, and he is happy cos he feels like hes doing something and being involved and helpful. AND on the day he will see the things that he helped to decide and feel happy.

It is just not worth it for us, long distance is so hard already, and we have done so well to not argue and this is my secret!

Post # 10
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I find that SO is full of ideas and contributions when I talk about my ideas and contributions, or (specific) cool stuff I’ve seen online. But when I ask him open-endedly, “what should we do about X?” he says “I don’t know – whatevs.” Weird. But true.

And if I think about it, I’m kind of the same way. If you were to ask me, “What flowers do you want?” I’d say whatevs, I don’t care. But if you said, “Do you like THESE flowers?” I’d give you my 2 cents.

Post # 11
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I only ask him things once he is relaxed and comfortable on the couch.  He hates being hit with questions right as he comes in the door.  He doesn’t mind a few questions a night as he is pretty excited about the wedding.  I usually narrow down what I am looking at to four or five choices then let him give me opinion.  Works great for us.

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I figured out the things he would be interested in (music, honeymoon, etc) and I just put him in charge of that. For things I knew he didn’t care about (flowers and napkins), I’d mention what I was thinking of, but i didn’t expect much of a response. That way he was involved and ok with it b/c it was things that he enjoyed.

Post # 13
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

These are great ideas.  My Fiance was feeling a little overwhelmed.  I put the wedding planning aside for the holidays.  So basically I went from 0-60 in 2.5.  We just had a tift about me being all wedding wedding all the time.  I just mentioned this post to him.  I think we might limit the amount of time we talk about the wedding each day.  He liked that idea.  Thanks!!! 

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