(Closed) Balancing Separate Friendships/Plans as a Married Couple

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
3183 posts
Sugar bee

There’s nothing wrong with not including your husband when you go out with your friends, and there’s nothing wrong with not going with him. Personally, I probably wouldn’t stand for taking several weekends a year to go camping with a group of people that I don’t feel comfortable with. It seems like there is a communication issue. If your husband is anything like mine, then he is unaware that you don’t feel comfortable with his friends. Let him know.

Post # 3
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

We have many of the same friends but once a month we go out separately, he goes out with the guys, I go out with the girls

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Are your college friends also married? I think it’s important to keep a balance between friends only events and events as a couple. Your life has shifted and now you are a unit. The same thing will gradually happen with the rest of your college friends. You say you visit your college friends once every 3-5 months. That is about 3x a year. The camping trips are about 3x a year. Sounds like you actually have about = friend events, but you exclude your husband from all of yours. Can you go to 1-2 camping trip a year  and invite significant others to the friend hangouts once a year? 

As for feeling uncomfortable, the only solution for that is to get to know his friends. 

That being said, if he doesn’t want to come to your friend weekends and you don’t want to Go camping  the obvious solution would be for those things to be “friends only” times. But that only works if both of you are fully happy not attending the other event/ going alone. 

Post # 5
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Could you send him off the camping trip and stay home some of the weekends? Darling Husband and I love our time together, but we totally have our own separate interests, hobbies, and friends that the other does not usually enjoy participating in. We really like having time apart from each other, but we’re pretty used to it, as I’m typically gone 2-3 nights a week for work. I think it helps us keep it spicy…haha

Post # 6
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee

It’s good to keep your pre-marriage friendships going.  I think that it’s very important.

Its good to have time alone together.

It’s also good to make new friendships where people meet you for the first time as a couple. This way one of you won’t be feeling as though you are just tagging along.

 

Post # 8
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I agree with PP, it is very important to keep your pre-marriage friendships going.  

I have become good friends with one (a married couple) of my FI’s friends.  He has been friends with them for 20 years.  It was a little intimidating the first time we got together; however, it quickly grew into a very comfortable friendship.  We go see movies/have dinner together once every couple of months.  I enjoy it more than my Fiance, lol.  The point I am making is to continue to focus on your friends, BUT embrace the new friendships as well. 🙂  

 

Post # 9
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

kellybee33 :  Every relationship is different- and that includes friendships. My husband’s friends and their wives all hang out together, so we do too. I’ve gotten to know the wives and sometimes we seperate into gender groups and I feel like they are my own friends now. He has other friends that we hang out with as a couple who I definitely do not feel as close with. Sometimes we spend time with them together and sometimes he goes alone. 

As for “my” friends, we usually hang out without significant others. I think it’s probably because we are more social to begin with, where most of my husband’s friends are introvert men, so it’s often the wives who are planning things. 

There’s no right or wrong way. The key is just to respect each other’s needs and limits. 

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