(Closed) Baptist/Pentecostal Drama

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

This is definitely something that you should talk through before the wedding!

Have you ever heard of the FOCCUS inventory? It’s a required part of most Catholic marriage preparation/pre-Cana programs, but they have different versions of it that are tailored to other groups as well. It’s basically a series of (about 150) statements to which you answer “Agree,” “Disagree,” or “Uncertain.” Your partner does the same thing (each of you go through the inventory independently) and then you meet up with a facilitator couple to talk about the questions where one/both of you answered “uncertain” or where answers differed.

The questions/items focus on areas that every couple should talk about before they get married: things like money, career plans, plans for having a family, communication styles, views on religion, etc. This might be a good way of opening up those conversations.


Post # 5
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Whoa.  He wants you to convert but no need to follow the practices of his religion unless you feel compelled by God to do so?  Scary.

You don’t want to end up being ostracized or having your children be ostracized because you don’t conform with their religious rules and practices.  It’s not right to pay lip service and convert if you aren’t interested in following the rules of that religion.

I think you know what’s right and that is to have a frank conversation with your Fiance.  Why does he want you to convert and then not follow the practices?  Religion is right behind money as a leading cause of divorce.  I would have a non-religious third party counseling session (or three) before seriously planning your wedding.  This is a major issue that will not just work itself out.

Post # 7
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think I could “convert” then not follow some of the most basic tenants of a denomination. So I wouldn’t be “converting” because there is no way I’m always wearing knee length skirts, no make up and not cutting my hair. I do think this can be a serious issue yall need to talk about, because from the Pentecostal churches I know, there may be some serious side eye about you not doing it, and then the issue of, if you have daughters will they be forced to wear skirts and not cut their hair? And how will you explain that you don’t? 

Have yall looked at maybe finding a denomination that fits BOTH of you guys better? I know the Assembly of God church has the charismatic elements of the pentescostal church (technically they ARE Pentecostal) but they tend to also be much less traditional in terms of dress and gender roles.  

Post # 8
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I grew up in the pentecostal church & unfortunately if you go with this & convert but don’t “conform” you will get side-eyed, talked about & more. It only gets worse with kids. Many of the people I went to church with thought that if you hadn’t made the personal changes to ‘comform’ to their culture then you obviously were just playing pentocostal and were only there for your family/social circle. They woudl probably never admit to being particularly judgy, but at least in my experience they are extremely judgy of people not living like them. Every person is different, but that was the feel at the church I grew up in. I knew some people that grew up in it & stayed in it & they’re now teaching it to their children- but there’s also quite a few that grew up in it and once they were free of the parents went crazy wild mostly becuase they grew up in such a rigid atmosphere once they had the chance to make their own decisions they wanted to try it all (teen pregnancies- which in the pentecostal church means teen marriages, which many times leads to divorce; heavy drug use, etc.). 

I agree with what’s been said above- I think ya’ll need to talk more about this. This is a HUGE step for you to be taking, and if you want to live the rest of your life this way & teach your children that this is the RIGHT & only way you really need to have a personal conviction for it. Personally I couldn’t spend the rest of my life not cutting my hair, not wearig makeup, not wearing swimsuits (they show too much we had to wear knee length skorts & baggy t-shirts over swimsuits, not matter how hot it was outside), no shorts/pants (which is rough if you live in a hot climate & like to play outdoors). Ya’ll should sit down together & talk about your beliefs & what you envision teaching and raising your children in, and to me it sounds like maybe looking into other denominations could be a good compromise. 

We were Assembly of God before we switched to Pentocostal- they are pretty close just less rigid and traditional. I would def. start there…. 

Post # 9
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is tricky.  A few things here……

You say “As for beliefs, our are very similar-but as for outward appearance they are not“.  I would encourage you to dig much much much much deeper into how your beliefs are similar and how they are not similar.

Take a bible study class.  If you can find one that infuses modern day scenarios with biblical teaching that would be ideal… as it will give you an idea of how you each apply your relgious beliefs to every day real-world situations.

Specifically, discuss each of your views on the primary principles of the Pentecostal religious doctorine:  what are your thoughts on speaking in tongues and divine healing, what are your beliefs on the importance of baptism with the holy spirit and/or being “born again”.  What are your thoughts on divine healing and laying on of hands?  What is your individual committment to biblical authority?

More important than how you each are similar or different in your thoughts on the above topics…. but how distirbuing is it to the other person if there is a difference in a core belief?

Remember that *charasmatic* religions have a literal view of the bible and believe it to be infallible, therefore their value structure and behaviors are much less *flexible* than a religion with a figurative view of the bible.  Which means, if it says it in the bible, it is so….. and it’s generally not up for debate or interpretation.

“non-denominational”, and even some more liberal baptist churches are not as literal.  There is room for interpretation.   

You said “i’ve never once looked at someone and said whether I thought they would end up in heaven or hell because of their outward appearance, because for me I believe its about your heart“.  They believe that as well.  This is actually the core of their belief, but they believe that your outward appearance is a *reflection* of your belief, as well as your view of the bible and religious doctorine.

So – it’s not as if you “have” to change your outward appearance….. but the sign that you are filled with the holy spirit and a believer will be your willingness to submit to biblical authority.  That is probably one of the most major differences, in my opinion.

Like I said, this is a tricky one.  I think it would require MUCH searching to determine if I share these core beliefs…. this is about MORE than just are you willing to go along with it.  This is about doctorine and how it is lived.  This would not be something that I would be willing to compromise on….. so I encourage you to be exteremly dilligent in your research of this religion.

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