Batchalorette Weekend Norms?

posted 5 months ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I being u reasonable?
    Yes, find away to pay the $109 : (16 votes)
    24 %
    No, dont go. : (46 votes)
    69 %
    Other please explain : (5 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 31
    8820 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    dancingfirefly :  So if you don’t pay for the house you’re banned from the panty party? That actually sounds like a win. … Seriously though, that’s super shitty that she is saying she’d rather you not come at all, than come to the parts you can afford. What kind of friend feels this way? I would decline and would rethink this whole friendship. She’s not a nice person. Sorry to have to break it to you.

    Post # 33
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2019

    dancingfirefly :  late to the party here but I had something similar just happen to me. I love the idea of a bachelorette weekend, but I do think it’s a tricky situation. Not everyone can afford it, and not everyone will want to participate in the activities. Throw everyone’s budgets together with a bunch of people from all walks of the bride’s life that don’t know each other, and you’re looking at a logistical nightmare! I think as long as bachelorette weekends continue to be the trend, bridesmaids and brides should plan one big group evening, and the rest should be choose-your-own bachelorette party, and everyone can attend the parts they want to attend. As long as you’re upfront about it and no one is financially dependent upon your contribution, I don’t think your request to stay elsewhere is unreasonable. 


    And id also like to add, I don’t think it’s fair to call anyone a bad person or make assumptions of anyone’s character here. It is HARD to plan these things. It’s ok that they might have been a little unflexible at first. I’m glad the bride ended up being so accommodating. I think everyone is learning as they go here, myself included. 

    Post # 34
    261 posts
    Helper bee

    I absolutely hate the idea of these “weekend getaways.” It’s very narcissistic to assume people want to spend their hard earned money and vacation time on a random trip of your choosing.  Regular bridemaid duties like buying an expensive dress, helping with decor, throwing a shower, etc. are already a lot to ask to begin with.  I’m so happy I don’t have a lot of friends lol. 

    Post # 35
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    pinkflamingos :  I don’t mean this is as a personal attack, but I really never understood this line of reasoning.  Aren’t destination bachelorette parties just like destination weddings?  If someone who is invited doesn’t want to/ can’t afford to go to the activity, shouldn’t they just RSVP “No”?   

    Why should the bride not plan a trip to Cancun just because a few of the people who are invited won’t attend? Don’t people plan weddings, birthdays, and other getaways wherever they like?

    (I might be weird, bc I have no problem saying “No thanks” to trips, parties and wedding parties I don’t want to participate in.)

    Post # 36
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Everyone I know has had a destination bachelorette party, including myself, were actually going back to my bachelorette party spot this summer because it was so fun first time around . Im glad I don’t have friends that think like you lol

    pinkflamingos :  

    Post # 37
    850 posts
    Busy bee

    Your bride friend needs to stay out of it (and ppl need to stop including her in this) and go with the flow. She’s way too invested.

    Post # 38
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    dancingfirefly :  I personally don’t know anyone that has had a bachelorette party that wasn’t at least an overnight thing. So I’d say the new norm is overnight/weekend long bachelorettes. BUT bachelorettes aren’t a mandatory thing, especially if the bride/MOH isn’t willing to make the plans work for all people invited. 

    Post # 39
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee

    pinkflamingos :  I 100% agree with you. 

    I think in this situation OP it sounds like there are a few people who are saying no to these plans. The bride is saying some people are opting out of the mani pedi’s and the fishing trip. So looks like you aren’t the only one who is saying no thank you to spending hundreds of dollars on this weekend.

    It’s up to you if you want to attend or not. If it were me i would join them ON the beach, and maybe at 1 dinner out but that is it. If I got anymore shit from the maid of honor I would tell her SHE is rude for 1) Assuming what people can afford and telling them what the costs were without asking. and 2) I would tell her that my relationship with the bride doesn’t involve her, and if I don’t want to attend something that is between the bride and myself so she can keep her “thats rude” shit to herself. 

    Post # 40
    15 posts

    ladyjane123 :   asummerbridet7 :   pinkflamingos :  Going to say here that destination bachelorette parties are awesome! I’ve had a few for for a few of my friends. The bride was always involved in the planning. I have also actually not gone to a few destination bachelorettes myself if I didn’t know the bride’s other friends super well, which the bride did not take offense to. It was just whatever I could/could not afford at the time, or I travel a lot and it was too much traveling.

    Each bride is different, and each group of friends is different. I agree with the poster who said it’s not fair to make any assumptions around anyone’s character–any ladies that would agree to plan such a weekend for friends certainly wouldn’t deliberately be mean or rude to someone, after all, everyone attending just wants the bride to be honored and everyone else to have a great time. Each person has a different idea of what that looks like. 

    I am going to Mexico for one of my bachelorettes, and I had a friend who wanted to turn it into a longer vacation with her girlfriend. She’s staying elsewhere, participating in our activities, and then spending the rest of the week with her gf. No harm, no foul. She was upfront about it and it was fine! 

    Post # 41
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree with others that at least 1 night stays are pretty normal for a bachelorette. The most recent one I attended we did an escape room, dinner then headed back to the hotel room for a few drinks and snacks and the panty party, then had breakfast the next morning. 7 of us shared a suite (2 beds, 1 pull out bed and a cot)  to keep costs down.

    I also do think that it’s good manners of whoever is taking the main lead on planning a bachelorette to ask the other bridesmaids what there budget is. I understand that you can’t cater perfectly to everyone, but I think it’s bad manners to organize an expensive weekend when you know that one of the bridesmaids has less disposable income than others. 

    Post # 43
    930 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    coffeecakez :  There are countless old threads on here where the bride to be is upset that someone isn’t going to her destination bachelorette and has a lame excuse and she gave her 6 months to save up, blah,  blah, blah.  Bachelorette weekends would be fine if everyone was on board and the budget was agreed upon.  Unfortunately,  that rarely happens and the person who can’t afford it all gets guilted for saying no.  Just look at this thread. 

    Post # 44
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

    A real friend wouldn’t want you to stress yourself financially for a party. Just saying.

    Post # 45
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I hate the societal/peer pressure of having to go on these weekend bachelorette parties that require hotel stay/flights/spending lots of money on food and activities. If you don’t want to go or can’t afford it, I would say peace and have a good time girls!!  I went to a Vegas bach party a long time ago,  And guess what , I don’t even talk to anyone except one person from that weekend getaway of debauchery. So it’s not like it solidfied and maintained my friendships either.

    If they “allow” you to attend the other activities that you would like to and you can pay your own way, then do that .

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