Post # 1
My Husband and I got married a little over 2 years ago. Prior to our marriage, he was a general manager for a local restaurant. Due to some upheaval in upper management as well as oncoming safety concerns in the area, he decided to look for another job. However, most positions like his require extreme hours and he hated the idea of never having time with me… and later down the road with our children. We discussed all the possibilities from the several interviews he went on and realized that the best option was a career change. So 6 months into our marriage he decided to pursue a Bachelor’s in Engineering. I knew it would be a difficult road, but I figured 4 years were going to pass regardless, so we might as well seize the opportunity now.
He’s going to school full-time and has a part time job at a local restaurant. My income supports the two of us. It was easier in the beginning when his class load was lighter because he was able to work more often. However, with each passing semester, his classes are becoming more rigorous. So he is working less and less, and we are leaning more and more on my income. I know this won’t last forever, but with rising tuition costs, it’s becoming difficult. This is not how I pictured the beginning of my marriage to look like. I have to share my husband’s free time with his studies and even gotten a second job to help bridge the financial gap. My dream of being a homeowner has been delayed a few years. He comes from a low-income family, so he thinks our finances are fantastic. But for me, I’m seeing more money leaving the house than coming in. I know this is a worthy investment, but that doesn’t make it any easier. We busted our butts to pay off his student loans from a previous degree (that his controlling parents made him get… that’s a whole nother story)and now I’m paying for his current tuition. I know we are a team, but sometimes i feel like i’m the one making all of the sacrifices. I already went to college, never got a single loan, and saved the majority of our current savings. Sometimes, it’s hard not to feel bitter.
Post # 2
When my husband and I had been dating a year and a half, we made the decision for him to change his career. It involved a lot of money juggling and reliance on my income, and more than a few months of scraping together and forgoing Christmas gifts and the like. It was tough, but he worked hard and now that we’re on the other side of it, we’re so happy we got through it. It’ll get better, this is a short term thing. Sacrifices aren’t only financial. His daily life is consumed by his studies, when you say yourself the whole point was to make sure he could get a job where he’d have more time with you. I’m sure it’s rough on both sides. You made this decision together, and you’ll go through it together. Maybe you can communicate more about how you’re feeling, and plan out the goals you have for the future, past his graduation? It can be a lifesaver to have a light at the end of the tunnel.
Post # 3
We were in the exact same situation as you, only I was the student! We started out together on good incomes, then I decided to persue 4yrs of med school. We put marriage/mortgage/kids on hold and to top it off I now have almost 200k in student debt. My Fiance supported us the whole time and I know he had moments of feeling bitter so I think that’s completely normal you feel that way. But my Fiance (as are you!!) are such wonderful, selfless people so believe me, I’m sure your Darling Husband really appreciates everything you have done for him and the sacrifices you’ve made. I love my Fiance for many reasons but his generosity and committment to my goal is nothing short of amazing and I’m so grateful to him.
Just keep reminding yourself that in the long run, it’ll work out better for the both of you. It is a hard journey but totally worth it if it means he’s in a better job for the next 30+ years of his working life! 4 years is only a short time in comparison. Now that I’m qualified and working, I love spoiling my Fiance every chance I get. You will get through this 🙂
Post # 4
Thank you Ladies! I know these sacrifices are only for a season and that it will lead to brighter future! But in the middle of it, some days are just hard! We do have many plans following graduation (from starting a family to buying a Roomba!) and I will try to fix my eyes on the prize. It’s just nice to let it out and vent.
Post # 5
Girl, vent away. I totally get why you’re feeling frustrated. It sounds like you guys have a great future plan mapped out. You got this!
Post # 6
beignetwife : It’s worth it. I’ve been there. Not the exact same situation, but similar. It will be really hard for the 4 years he’s in school and it might be kinda hard for another 4 after that. But then you’ll have a nice comfortable life for the next 50 years.
The resentment is harder to know how to handle. Is he studying and doing all he can for your future together? If he is, and you are in it for the long haul, then you have to try to get rid of that resentment. If he’s half-assing it and playing video games while you work 2 jobs, that’s a different story. But if he’s studying and working to make a better future for the 2 of you, you should have faith and see it as a joint sacrifice.
Post # 7
Student loans are OK! If it was really bothering you I would take out some student loans for tuition. IDK what your job is, but when he graduates your household income will likely double and the loans will be very do-able to pay off. I’m in professional school so we have loans and we take out tuition in order to be comfortable. Not a ton extra, but enough to be reasonably comfortable. Unless I was drowning in other debt, I would stop the two extra jobs you both have and take out tuition loans and live my life.
Post # 8
beignetwife : I’m sorry you are struggling! This sounds like a really hard time, but you’ll get through it. It sounds like you two are working well together and an engineering degree should really pay off in the long run. It also sounds like you are making smart sacrafices now to minimize loans and debt.
You can do it! Band together and learn to love rice and beans. One day you’ll be able to regile your kids with stories of back when you were poor newlyweds.
I’ll also say – my Darling Husband is an engineer and it’s a blessing. Although I have a good job as well (thank god), his is more stable, he earns good money, he gets great perks and benefits, and he actually really enjoys the work.
If you see him working hard remember that it’s for both of you and don’t feel restenful. You guys can get through it.