(Closed) Battling with FI over reception site

posted 10 years ago in Reception
Post # 4
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Deep breaths.  One of my co-workers said that wedding planning is excellent preparation for marriage.  I’ve been lucky – my Fiance is involved, but is definitely interested in making sure I’m happy with all the choices.  Of course, that makes me want to make sure he’s happy with anything he expresses an interest in or opinion on, but that may just be his evil plot…

For your situation, can you sit down with him and explain that you don’t mean to send mixed messages and that you’re finding the venue hunt stressful?  It may help to set a day by which you want to have things booked, noting that your date is already booking up at some places and you’d like to settle this and move on.   Once you have a "book by" date, that should inform the number of properties you can realistically look at.  70 is madness and will drive you both crazy – with over a year left, you’ll need to pace yourselves. From a budget standpoint, by booking early, you may be able to lock in 2008 rates, which may help.  

On the overall planning front, I know I have a hard time letting go, so we’ve had to carefully negotiate who does what.  Is there an aspect of the wedding he is particularly interested in?  If so, can you let him take the lead on that? he can do the leg work and come up with some options and then you can decide together.

When we first started planning it was hard to determine how much searching we really needed to do, so it may just be that he’s really enthusiastic or perhpas just concerned about getting the "perfect" place – either because everyone wants the perfect place or he may see this as a planning test of how much you trust his opinion.  Whatever the case, you two need to find a way to work together or divide the work in a way that suits you both – find out what is important and come up with a way to execute that works for you.  For example, perhaps he’s in charge of doing the research for venues based on a list of attributes you both have crafted.  He would come up with x number of options that the two of you would review together and decide on x number to visit.  Does that make any sense?  That could apply to anything.

Another approach is to break down everything into concrete tasks and you can either volunteer for certain tasks for designate based on available time, inclination, interest or aptitude.  Good luck! 

Post # 5
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Wait until you buy a house together.   Guys excel at the hunt – it is what they love.  Your guy is just loving it a little too much. 

Seriously, I would sit down and establish together some parameters for both the venue and the venue hunt.  You know – must hold X guests, must be within such-and-such area (and I think perhaps a 300-mile diameter circle is too big), must be less than $X000, must have an outdoor area for photos…  whatever your basic criteria are.  Then I would let him do all the searching on the internet and over the phone that he likes.  Just establish a start and finish date for the physical visiting of venues, a maximum number to visit total, and a maximum number to visit in any given time period.  So maybe the internet list needs to be narrowed down to 16 total, which you will physically visit over two months doing no more than 2 per weekend. 

And also, you need to see if you can agree that when you find a site that meets all your criteria and that you both love, you will stop looking for something better.  This is how girls end up with two or three dresses – they find something good enough, and then they keep looking.  There are probably thousands of places that you could get married.  You won’t live long enough to look at them all.  You probably need to lock in a venue between a year and 9 months ahead (you will get some feel for this when you talk to them on the phone about how far out they book up).  You could spend all your spare time over the next 6 months looking at venues.  But why would you, when you could also find one that is good enough, and spend your time and energy on other things?

Post # 6
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I agree with Suzanno. I was your fiance at first and ended up with an unruly spreadsheet of venue possibilities, completely stressed out by the decision facing us. I finally realized that it’s not about exploring every option under the sun, weighing all the pros and cons, and making the perfect choice. It’s really about setting priorities and parameters, finding a place that fits the bill, and signing that contract! 

Once I discovered that, it all became much easier. Maybe if you sit down with your fiance and discuss this, he’ll come to the same conclusion. Wedding planning has been relatively stress-free since I stopped looking everywhere for the "best" everything.

I did a bit of research online to find a photographer, we met with him, liked him and booked him within a week. Same with florist, day-of coordinator and DJ (well we talked to two and chose one).  

You’ll have bigger fish to fry, like the guest list. Don’t kill yourselves over every little detail. 

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