Post # 1
FH and I will be married soon and he wants me to be on the deed as a married couple. He bought the house before he met me, so I didn’t pay for the mortgage although I do pay partly for our bills. Just feels wrong to agree to it and when I asked him about it, he mentioned his parents did something similar.
Now I don’t know what to say but he is keen that we do this. I also feel bad because my sister has lived with us rent free and with bills paid for months and will only move out later this year.
The two issues aren’t necessarily linked but just add to my feelings that I shouldn’t be on the deed with much lower contribution, although because I work less hours than him I have more time to contribute in non financial ways by doing more household chores.
Would it be wrong to be put on the deed without having paid for the mortgage?
Post # 2
Only time your contribution to equity in home would matter is if you get a divorce. It doesnt really matter if your name is on it or not. If it was never on the deed but you were married and live in the house for 20 years, you’re still entitled to some of the equity built up over that 20 years. It is better to be on it because if something happens to your husband you have standing to try to keep i .
Post # 3
You’re getting married and I assume your finances will be combined soon, and it’s your fiance who offered. Not wrong at all.
Post # 4
happynuts : Our finances are already joint. Everything we earn goes into our joint current and savings accounts.
Post # 5
Then you are essentially or actually paying for the mortgage! No?
Post # 6
happynuts : Not really because he had already paid off most of the amount due before we got joint accounts. I offered to pay him rent when I moved in to live with him but he refused to accept it.
Post # 7
Agree with PP, only time it matters is if you get divorced. It doesn’t really matter that much if your name is on the deed, once you’re married it’s shared property.
Post # 8
Definitely have yourself put on title. Ask a real estate attorney or title agent or whomever handles real estate closing documents where you live.
It’s not about contribution. The issue is protecting you in the event that something were to happen to your fiancé. Part of adulting is being prepared for possible eventualities, even the unlikely and unthinkable ones.
In the US, you can take joint title with rights of of survivorship. This is the important language. It means, essentially that if one co owner dies, the other gets the property automatically. There is no legal action of any type required.
It would be best to talk to a qualified professional in your own area. Laws vary from one place to another.
Post # 9
Your FH is making a mature and sensible decision by adding you to the deed if you allow him to. If you already have joint finances then you are paying for whatever is left of the mortgage, plus you are jointly paying for everything else now. It’s no longer a question of proportionately paying for something, etc.
Post # 10
It matters for taxes if he were to pass away. So let him put you on the deed.
Post # 11
He is right. After marriage, everything will belong to both of you anyway and it will no longer matter who paid. Let him put you on the deed.
Post # 12
Also wanted to add that it might be easier to change your approach to ‘we’ after marriage rather than worrying about how much you are contributing to household finances.
Post # 13
I can totally understand what you mean. Im not gonna go into leaglaities etc. It kind to feels like you are benefiting from something big without contributing towards it. It feels weird. I thibk it’s one of those things where you need to try to reframe it. You are a family now and he wants to do it. It is something he suggested and he wants to do it. You agreeing is not taking advantage of him since he wants this.
One thing I would suggest is talking about if this is now truly emotionally both of your house in his mind. If renovations are both your responsibility from here on and other such practicalities. Also if you are truly uncomfortable, could you get your own mortgage and buy half of the house?
Post # 14
I bought our house before we were married and it is on my to-do list to get him on the deed even though he’s not on the mortgage. I want to make sure he keeps the house if I die! I also have more than enough life insurance to make sure the house is paid off in that event since he wouldn’t be able to afford a mortgage on his own (plus the intricacies of whether or not he’d be allowed to take over my mortgage, refinance at a potentially higher rate, etc).
Post # 15
It’s possible that your sister living there rent free is linked more to this than you realize. Even if your sister is there for a valid reason (ie finishing her last year of school), could you subconsciously feel that since your fiance is helping to support her, you deserve a smaller piece of the pie yourself to help compensate for this?
It makes sense to be on the deed for legal reasons and to protect yourself more readily if something unfortunate should happen. You’re contributing to the household both financially and in other ways, such as doing more of the household chores and cooking since he works more hours outside the home. Don’t diminish your own contribution to your home and marriage- especially when your soon-to-be husband is perfectly willing to put you on the deed.
If you feel guilt that he’s helping you to support your sister as well, this issue needs to be addressed. Is there a date for when she’ll be moving out? If it’s an agreed upon short term- say she’s finishing school or has a job contract in your area that will finish by spring, then this issue should resolve itself when she moves out. If she’s ‘getting on her feet’, is she actually making attempts to get her life together and become independent? Are there extenuating circumstances for her being dependent on you, like an illness or disability? Are you allowing her to live rent free to save for her own place? Can you afford to do this? Does she help with cooking &/ or household chores?