(Closed) Be clear about what you want.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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MaddieM:  Great post!!  I found myself (induced by alcohol) CRYING over his lack of love for me, and him just repeatedly telling me, HE DOES LOVE, HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME, and me saying prove it.  What does that even me?!?!  

Long and short of it, I had to ask him – as clear as day – did he want marriage?!  Did he foresee us being married?!  What was his timeline vs. what was my own?!  World of difference it made for me, and our relationship, and the ‘wait’.  

Post # 3
336 posts
Helper bee

I completely understand what you’re saying! My SO(now fiance) was scared. I think sometimes we forget how nerve-wracking and scary it can be for our partners to basically pledge their undying love for us by basically exposing all emotions. It can be scary to bare yourself to the one you love, even if the feelings are mutual. My fiance is a very reserved person, and he was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to live up the proposal standards he thought I wanted. I joined WB because I wanted support in my waiting period. I never realized my SO noticed that I was on this site. He basically became scared of all of the beautiful proposal/wedding stories. He thought I needed all of that. He asked me, “How can he live up to those expectations?” And that’s when I realized the hold up. I simply told him, I didn’t need all of that, if anything it would make me uncomfortable. Literally, 10 mins later as I was putting my coat on so we can go to dinner, he asked me to turn around and he was on a knee and he said, “Will you marry me?” There were no frills just the guy I love pledging his love for me.

I wrote all this because I agree with your method OP, but I also think it’s important to support your guy in this time. Yes, we do tend to become anxious, and some even angry wondering why we haven’t received a proposal. But I think it’s important to remember that we aren’t the only ones that are anxious or emotional. This is a HUGE life-changing stage for our partners too. It’s scary.



  • This reply was modified 6 years ago by  ny88.
Post # 4
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

This is a great post and I totally understand what you’re saying. However, some people are VERY clear about what they want and it doesn’t matter. I was crystal clear about what my plans were and it doesn’t matter to him.

The proposal may or may not happen, and it if does miraculously appear, it’ll likely be years after we agreed to be engaged. Talk about frustrating. I have honestly given up, after having waited for well over a year. We had agreed on a date to be engaged by, so when a proposal hasn’t happened by then, I may just walk. 

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