(Closed) Be my bridesmaid?… actually, nevermind.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m sorry she’s treating you like that. I agree with the other bees, you should step down, and personally I wouldn’t speak to her. From her behaviour, she’s not a good friend.

Post # 18
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She sounds horrible! You definitely don’t need someone like that in your life, OP!

Post # 19
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Anna10-05-2014:  I would absolutely step down from this.  You’re her pack mule – you’re not being treated with the love of a friend, or the dignity of an actual coordinator. She just wanted someone to run around doing crap for her so she doesn’t have to pay for it.

Post # 20
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unless she’s PAYING you to be the wedding planner, you should tell her to go fuck herself.

Post # 22
2737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Haha, okay, let’s say you want to save this friendship (which is you don’t, I think that’s totally cool, lol).

This almost EXACT thing happened to my BFF. I think that the bride realized that her bridal party would be busy being in pictures on the wedding day, so she asked my BFF to, instead of being a bridesmaid, set up the reception site. It was a TON of work–FI and I helped BFF, and we were carting chairs and tables, setting up centerpieces, ordering caterers around, etc. The bride was on a budget and couldn’t afford to hire an actual coordinator.

My BFF was pretty ticked, honestly, but they were friends, and she valued their friendship. She just made really sure not to get roped into any events that would require her to spend money–for example, for the bachelorette, she just said, “Oh, I’ll drop by for an hour or two” and didn’t stay in the hotel or buy the bride drinks or anything.

At the wedding, the bride thanked BFF profusely in her speech and wrote her a nice thank-you afterward. They’re still friends.

So, anyway, those are my recommendations if you want to try to preserve the friendship/not feel too resentful. Also, ask a friend who’s not in the bridal party to help with set-up/planning duties, lol.

But if you don’t want to be friends with this girl anymore, you’re certainly not unjustified.

Post # 23
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Anna10-05-2014:  Back out of this assumed role and quit being a martyr. She can hire someone to help her or have her mom help. Just be a guest. Be a friend and a guest and that’s it.

Post # 24
1626 posts
Bumble bee

@Anna10-05-2014:  Did she give you a reason why she wanted you to step down?

And yeah, sorry, I’d back down too!

Post # 25
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Slybrarian:  +1 

OP – Good for you for being so gracious so far, I know I definitely wouldn’t have been able to maintain my cool! I agree with the PP – get out now and don’t look back! 

Post # 26
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yeah that is incredibly rude. She just wants someone to do all the hard work while she and her bridal party have fun. You poor thing. I hope you back out too!

Post # 27
1934 posts
Buzzing bee

I would send her a bill for what you’ve done so far and you’ll do the same for every thing she asks you to do here on out. Wedding coordinators/planners are hired assistants. There are so many breaches of etiquette here, I don’t even know where to start except to say your ‘friend’ is a totally bitch. 

Post # 28
25 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with all of the above. That is terribly rude. You are basically being asked to fork over your hard earned cash, but don’t get the privledge of being properly included. Honorary my ass. ugh. I’d have a sit down with the bride to be, and tell her that you understand that it’s her wedding, and her decision to not have you be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But that you are unwilling to accept the position of whatever the hell it is she wants from you. Or you can always get compensation to be a wedding planner-that is hard freaking work. Tell her thanks but no thanks, and attend the wedding as a guest, if you so wish.

Post # 29
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Anna10-05-2014:  Don’t contribute any more time or money to any wedding relate events. Attend every function as a guest because that is what you are! 

Do not allow them to take advantage of you anymore! They are so rude!


Post # 30
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


Don’t let them use you like that! I would say that you’re happy to attend as a guest but that you’re unable to be a “wedding planner”. If she asks why I would be honest. Or just say you’re too busy.

I had this happen to a friend once. Except for she was stocked on the fact she was an “honary bridesmaid”. I felt embarassed for her. I felt like she was being used and couldn’t see it.  

Post # 31
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Anna10-05-2014:  I am horrified! This is close to the worst bridal behaviour I’ve read on this site – and I’ve read a lot.

Step down and tell her why.

The topic ‘Be my bridesmaid?… actually, nevermind.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors