Post # 1
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
Hi Bees,
OK I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself here but here’s the thing. My FI and I are getting married next March, he is 40 and I am 37. He has a beautiful 12 year old from a previous relationship, I have always wanted children but just never met the right guy till he came along. Given my age I’m realising it might take a while to happen (if we’re lucky enough that it does) and we had discussed starting to TTC on our honeymoon.
Here in the UK you only get financial support for IVF up to the age of 40 and you have to have been trying for 2 years to qualify so you see the timelines that could potentially be involved are quite tight (yes I have thought about this probably too much).
Now here’s the thing, I just got offered a new job. I’m on a 3 month notice period so won’t start with my new employer until the new year (just perfect timing 3 months before the wedding!). According to my new contract you are not eligible for benefits including maternity pay (above statutory maternity pay which they will automatically pay) until you have been with the company for 6 months. This means that if we go ahead as planned in the unlikely event that I were to get pregnant in the 1st couple of months of trying I would forfeit any maternity benefits.
So here’s the question, do we do the sensible thing and wait 3 months after the wedding to start trying making sure I am eligible for the benefits or, given my age do we get started as soon as possible. What would you do?
Post # 2
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
Not that I’d eeeever advocate lying to the government, but how do they know when you started trying?
Post # 3
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
If you are in a financial position in which you can make it without the maternity leave, even if it means tightening up on other things, I would start right away.
Post # 4
Member
7315 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I’m with KatieBklyn: . But you didn’t hear me say that. 😉
Post # 5
Member
7924 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Will you be okay financially if you don’t get the benefits? Will it affect your insurance at all?
Post # 6
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
Westwood: In honesty I am not at all sure about insurance, I think maybe that’s not an issue in the UK?? When it comes to the finances my FI is self employed and I am the main wage earner. Its already been discussed though I’m not thrilled about it that it would make sense for my FI to be a stay at home dad and I’d go back to work. If we were on SMP then it would for sure mean I would have to go back to work sooner than if we had the additional benefits
Post # 7
Hostess
11890 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Steph77: wait, but if you start in January, get married in march, get pregnant in march you’ll be due in December and entitled to benefits because you will have been there 11 months?
Regardless, I wouldn’t wait.
Post # 8
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
Steph77: If it were me I would wait the 3 months until benefits kick in, just to be safe. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 9
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
MsGinkgo: OK I’m now thinking I might have had an embarrassingly dumb moment! It says not eligible until you have been with the company 6 months and I just assumed that was 6 months at the point of getting pregnant not 6 months at the due date. Now you come to challenge me on it I’m unsure and think I might be being very thick!
Post # 10
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
MsGinkgo: haha, that’s what I thought too. I assumed OP meant 6 months from time of conception. If it’s just 6 months with the company, horay! Start right away!
Post # 11
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
I would actually assume that the 6 months (when your benefits kick in) is when the baby is due, because benefits wouldn’t be paid to you before the baby is born anyways. So, technically, you could actually be 2-3 months pregnant when you start your job and still get maternity benefits 🙂 I’d check on it to be sure, but that makes the most sense.
Post # 12
Member
13996 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Even if you got pregnant now, you wouldn’t be due until something like next June and would have been there 6 months by then and qualify for maternity benefits right? Personally at 37 and if you have to be trying 2 years to get assistance and only until 40, I’d start now (and give it a year before seeking help). I’m actually pretty surprised that you have to try two years first. At over 35, only 6 months of trying is what most plans I’ve seen require before seeing a specialist.
Post # 13
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
MsGinkgo: The contract actually doesn’t qualify the point but I’m pretty sure thinking about it now that you’re right in which case there’s no issue and I’m sorry to have wasted peoples time! 
winterwoodlandbride15: We’ll get the wedding out of the way 1st! But then will be right on it … fingers crossed 
Post # 14
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee
this has nothing to do with waiting to TTC or UK benefits –
i was 38 when I got pregnant for the first time. I would highly recommend reading the book Taking Charge of your fertility and starting to chart your temperatures. because of my age, I wanted to maximize our chances each month. Charting let me know that I ovulate “late”, around CD 16-18 and that my luteal phase is very short (which required medication to correct). Because I was taking my temp, I knew this and got pregnant quickly.
just wanted to offer some personal experience/advice!
Post # 15
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
Glasgowbound: Thank you! I will definitely get the book
