(Closed) Be supportive or angry or both?

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

My Darling Husband is the same way, and all you can do is bite your tongue.  Don’t be supportive, per se, but don’t berate him.  He DID let you down, if he failed because he neglected to study.  

How soon can he retest? 

Post # 4
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Be supportive. Getting angry will only make the situation worse and won’t accomplish anything.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Be supportive, but encourage him to study harder so he can pass next time. Don’t get angry with him because he probably is already angry with himself for failing. Do you know if there are any guidebooks or prep courses for this test? Those can be very helpful, especially for someone like your Fiance who isn’t the best test taker.

Post # 8
Member
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He probably knows he should have studied more. In situations like these, my approach is I support him even if no one else will.

After all, if you failed an exam, would you rather Fiance was supportive or angry?

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The same thing happened with Darling Husband last year.  He failed one half of a state licensing exam that he needed to advance in his career (he’s a commercial electrician).  I supported him by asking when he was able to re-take the test and consistently bugging him to study for the re-take. He did pass on the second try and got a 10% salary increase.

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

my SO isnt like that but my dad is. My mom got him through two post grad degrees by letting him know that thier fates were intertwined. She made it clear that if he was to be with her, her standards were his and therefore he’d work as hard as she did (now they both are super educated and their kids too). So get him to your level, don’t goto his!

Post # 11
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Pink Asawa:  I think this is also a good idea. Don’t comfort him by saying things like “it’s okay you did your best” because he didn’t do his best and I’m sure he knows that. You can still stay positive though by focusing on how he knows what to work on for next time and telling him that it’s important to you (both of you) that he take his career seriously.

Post # 12
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would be supportive for now, and if/when he starts talking about retaking the exam, then bring up study habits.  But do it in a “would you like me to help you study a different way” rather than a confrontational tone.

I took my GMAT early this year, and really thought I failed, or that the score would be too low to get into grad school.  I’m up at 2am doing homework for my MBA right now, so I did make it, but the suspense was awful, the thinking failure, so to actually not pass would be a big bummer, no matter how much effort is used.

Post # 13
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh man, I know how you feel!!

But, you have to think, how would you feel in his situation? We all make mistakes. I don’t think telling him “See, I told you so” would be helpful. At the same time, you can’t really be totally supportive because he did mess up. 

Post # 14
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@subtlebee:  Speaking of “getting to your level.”

I heard this speaker last night talking about how lots of students may be smart enough to get great grades & such, but only get Cs or Ds because that’s all they need to get to pass. He said, “if you set the bar higher, they will rise to meet it.” 

Now, approaching this in a husband and wife relationship may be difficult because you don’t want to treat him like a child. But, it may be something to think about…

Post # 15
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@paula1248:   “He probably knows he should have studied more. In situations like these, my approach is I support him even if no one else will.  After all, if you failed an exam, would you rather Fiance was supportive or angry?”

God I love this!  I need to keep this as a mantra for my own life too.  Thanks for the great words of wisdom.

Post # 16
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d just be supportive. He already knows that you were right & he should have listened to you. I’m sure he does. Telling him this will only make him upset and angry, though.

He doesn’t need any more of a lesson than his failure has taught him.

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