(Closed) Waiting Tips

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Be honest with yourself.  It took 3 1/2 years for my FH to propose.  I knew w/i the first six months he was “it” for me.  I seriously thought about pinning him down to a timeline or putting out an ultimatum, but the truth of the matter is I would have waited 5 1/2 years or 25 1/2 years to be married to him.  Don’t put a time limit on love unless you are prepared to walk away at the end of it. I knew I’d never leave even if the time ran out.  He is everything to me that I ever wanted!!! IMO an ultimatium is NEVER a good way to start a marriage.  I am so thankful that I never pushed SO into an engagement.  I am 100% certain that he asked me b/c he WANTED to and he was READY.  That means more to me than a timeline or ultimatum ever could.

Post # 4
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Having an open and honest relationship is the best thing. Both of you realizing that it isn’t just up to him to decide when the relationship takes the big step, and that it’s something that should be actively talked about and prepared for. I think a lot of times on these boards it’s the women that have been shut out of the process or are too afraid to bring it up because that’s “pressure” are the ones that are unhappiest. It’s 2012, and we all deserve to have both parties going into it eyes open.

Post # 5
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@furtureffcaptwife:  Well said!

I’ve been on the waiting side in a different relationship when I was younger.  We were on different pages altogether.  As furtureffcaptwife said, Be honest with yourself… I always thought that things would change and suddenly a switch would flip and he’d just Want to get married someday….. that switch never happened… and timeline after timeline came and went… and hurt my feelings more and more each time.  Don’t get caught in that trap. 

It’s been said in other posts about waiting to spend the time building a strong relationship, improving communication, sharing/building/discussing future plans (not wedding related) and just having fun as a couple!!!

Post # 6
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think it comes to honest communication with your partner… the reality is that sometimes they just aren’t ready and you have to make the judgement call yourself on whether you think they will be one day, how long you will wait and how important marriage is to you.

For me, I would wait a lifetime for my boy to be ready because I dont think the piece of paper is ultimately that important to us. After many discussions about marriage and our future together, the act of marriage itself is simply our way of signalling to our family and friends the official start of our own family together.

I guess the only real advice on not going crazy is to keep yourself busy. How can you be a great girlfriend if all you do is obsess about a wedding? Take up a hobby, focus on your relationship and yourself.

Post # 7
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

A random list of things that might help:

Keep perspective on the fact that your relationship is bigger than a proposal/engagement/wedding. It sometimes (often) feels like what matters most in the world is getting married and that’s not true.

Remember that “progress” can mean many different things. Just because you’re not engaged yet, doesn’t mean you aren’t progressing on an individual level or as a couple. If you’re not progressing on an individual level, find a way to do so. Start a new hobby, take on a new challenge at work, try a new workout. Similarly, do something as a couple that is new to you. It will help you feel that things aren’t always same old-same old.

Give yourself permission to vent (scream, cry, rant, write, whatever “vent’ means to you) to someone/something other than your SO. Set a timer. Timer goes off, vent over. Find something new to focus on.

Focus on the things you love about your SO and your relationship. Make a list if you have to!

Post # 8
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Let yourself feel the butterflies once in a while if your SO has given you a timeline or you know he has the ring, etc, instead of being all doom and gloom waiting girlfriend.

Smile, and just breathe.

Post # 9
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I don’t think of not being engaged as lack of progression.

The time we have before getting engaged and married is time that we have to build and strengthen our relationship.  

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