(Closed) Becoming a new Step Parent/Ex Wife/Child Support rant!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

If supporting her isn’t crippling him financially I don’t see him stopping any time soon.  You might see it as him spoiling her and letting her take advantage of him, but he might see it as placating her so they have the most amicable relationship possible for the sake of their kid.  If the kid is over say, five years old, then that five hour drive back is a pain in the butt but it can still be used as bonding time. 

 

As for parenting don’t stress about it.  You’ll figure out where your limits are and your husband will guide you on the way he thinks you should mom his kid. 

 

And no, child support is NOT supposed to cover her living expenses.  Child support is supposed to go to the child for their schooling, clothing, food, toys, general well being.  Him overpaying in child support to me says better about his character than if he penny pinched in this area. 

 

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am in a similar situation except my stepson is 14 and we only have to drive 2 hours each way. I would tread carefully in this situation. Children are expensive and it’s the right thing to do to support him financially. I would never tell my husband to hold back on giving to his son. He’s a great kid and deserves to be taken care of well.

Post # 6
Member
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i can totally understand how you feel.  to be honest, i would probably feel the same way in your shoes.   it’s wonderful that he is taking care of his child and it sounds like he is going over and above what is expected of him financially.  however, it’s really between your fi and his ex.

don’t you think that if this is an issue with you, and it obviously is, you should have discussed it with your fi and come to some closure before now?  i am afraid that this is going to cause some friction in your marriage.

Post # 9
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

I would try and get over it as best you can. Kudos to your husband for putting his son first. It’s a shame mom doesn’t do the same.

Post # 11
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is there a reason why the child support isn’t court ordered? I work in Family Law, and it’s generally better to have visition and child support spelled out. He can always giver her more if he wants to.

Good Luck!

Post # 13
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a few comments. As a child of divorce (we lived with my mom, 5.5 hours away from my dad), a mother who has married a man who is not her childs father, and a woman who has been a step-parent.

1) Talk to the father about disciplining the child. Since he only visits on weekends while the fasther is there, I assume he would do most of the discipline. However, if the father is not there (went to the store, is in the shower etc.) it would be nice for you to know whether you should act on poor behavior, or wait and tell the father.

2) I think 5 hours is too far for the father to drive to visit. Who moved away? If the father did, this may explain why he is reluctant to speak up about the situation. If the mother is the one who moved away, I would urge him to speak with her about it. Meeting halfway is not unheard of. I am surprised it is not in the custody/visitation papers from the court.

3) Money is always one of those things. If he feels she is not asking for too much, then there really is not anything you can do. Personally, I feel that paying child support is not always enough. If he has the means to put the son on his insurance, then he should. Furthermore, if the child need additional things (school supplies, clothes, money for dance/singing/sports etc.), then I feel buying the items or paying directly to the school/company is sufficient. I would be weary to send additional money, questioning where it is going (mani/pedi, new rims etc.)

 

Post # 14
Member
565 posts
Busy bee

To avoid this kind of problem there should be a parenting agreement and child support papers through court.  That way it’s as fair as it can be to everyone, and you can’t blame the other person, you can blame the system if you’re not happy.

Your FI made this problem for himself by not protecting himself financially in the first place.  It also sounds like he feels guilty for having divorced, and is overcompensating.   How long has he been divorced and why did the marriage end?  Maybe he could still consider seeing a lawyer.

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