Post # 1
I like to call it, the Insta-Family. My Fiance was married once before. They had a child together. Although I have completely came to grips with the idea of being a step mother, sometimes I still get a little un-easy about it.
It’s not that I’m scared, or don’t care for his daughter…it’s the roll a step mother should play. I was 17 when my father remarried, and my Step Mother and I struggled for years to get along. However, his daughter just turned 3 years old. She and I have already bonded. But, I’m not her mother, however, I feel a certain amount of responsibility towards her. She stays in our home frequently, I watch her when the Fiance has to work on the weekends, etc.
Is anyone else fighting the battle in your head of becoming an Insta-Family/Step Mother?
Post # 3
I’m a stepmom to a 5 year old. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s a fine line to walk between being a part of a parenting team, and knowing that at the end of the day you’re a stepparent and that that issue will always be there. You get respect and authority, but not the same as mom or dad does. Then again, it got me out of changing a lot of diapers when my stepson was really little 😉
My best advice is to work with your Fiance and your stepdaughter’s mother as a team. It’s really difficult to all be on the same page some times, but it’s what’s best. Your interpersonal issues have to step aside when it comes to your stepdaughter. Work together on having consistent rules and boundaries between your houses (that’s something we haven’t entirely conquered but we try hard) and keep communication open.
PM me any time if you want to chat about it! You’re not alone, there are a few step parents on here!
Post # 4
I refer to myself as a bonus Mom. Darling Husband was married to is high school sweetheart and they had a child together. I met Darling Husband when lil’ man was 1 yrs old. He doesn’t remember a time that I wasn’t in his life.
His bio-mom and I get along quite well which makes the situation helpful. We are all on the same page that he has 3 parents. However, I am still not his Mother or Father and I make sure not to cross the line and make anyone uncomfortable. There are situations that happen of course that are out of our control. Like lil’ man sometimes not wanting to leave me and stuff can be awkward when she picks him up, but it’s a reality of life.
Moving in together was the biggest shock. I was exhausted for months until I adapted!
Post # 5
@bakerella: My FI’s ex-wife and I have never met. Apparently it was a very ugly divorce and she is NOT a good person. It’s a really sticky situation and something I am not used to. The guy I dated before my Fiance was a father as well. His daughters mother and I got along great! She and I even became actual friends. It’s much different in my current situation because my FI’s ex-wife apparently is “crazy” lol! Maybe in the future when she decides to become an adult and to not be so vendictive, we’ll be able to work on some sort of a relationship. Until then, I don’t see how it could possibly be any different (oh that end, of course).
@mwitter80: I know exactly what you mean about awkward situations. My FI’s daughter obviously does not like her mother. She screams and cries when it’s time to go home to mommy. It’s very sad to see! Seeing how his daughter and I have become extremely close, especially in the last 6 months or so, I don’t see how these situations are going to get easier. Ugh, it’s just hard 🙁