Post # 1
LONG post, sorry in advance!
My Darling Husband and I were engaged before he proposed. Weird, but that’s how it happened. We decided to get married over the phone. My (then)FI wanted to tell his best friend. Understandable, right? He wanted to secure his best man. Well, my BFF was unreachable and I thought I should tell his best friend’s girlfriend. My Darling Husband introduced them! So she was the first person I told about the wedding. She was graduating from grad school, so she said of course she would come to the wedding. I think at this point she expected to be asked into the wedding party, but that didn’t happen. Fast forward to one week before the wedding, and she has her Boyfriend or Best Friend tell us that she wouldn’t be coming. She claimed it was financial, but in reality I suspect that it was because: a) she wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and wasn’t b) her Boyfriend or Best Friend hadn’t proposed to her yet and c) her Boyfriend or Best Friend told her he didn’t want to get married anytime soon (not never, just not soon). Bottom line, she didn’t attend the wedding, and we had an empty seat next to the best man at the head table. The best man was in town for a week with no one to hang out with (because we were too busy). She basically not only let us down, but one of our very dearest friends as well.
She later gave him an ultimatum to move to the east coast or else. He told her he couldn’t move (no job, no appartment) and she dumped him. THAT is when I defriended her on FB and pretty much shut her out of my life. They ended up getting back together (because she realized she’s an idiot).
I’m pretty sure that Miss Drama Queen will guilt him into marrying her eventually. Which means that I will have to put up with her.
Can anyone please tell me how to reconnect with her, or how I am supposed to redefine the relationship?? I still have a lot of bad feelings about her missing our wedding, not to mention the way she has guilted our friend! But if she’s going to be in his life, shouldn’t I at least try to reacquaint her?
Post # 3
I would let it happen naturally. Maybe make it known through your cicle of friends that you feel no deep animosity towards her. I’m assuming you don’t, or else you wouldn’t be entertaining the idea of re-friending her?
I’ve been in situations like this before, and they’re pretty awkward to say the least. If she starts reappearing more and more in your life, and you really want to make an effort, just talk to her about everything. Put it all out in the open. That way, there’s no elephant in the room. I don’t think you’re obligated to be BFFs with her, but it might be easier on your friendship with the guy to just clear the tension.
Post # 4
She was dating the best man… and so she expected to be the MOH? That’s a pretty big expectation!!
Since she’s the one who created the distance (didn’t come to your wedding, broke up with your husband’s best friend)… she’s the one who should make the effort to bridge it!
Post # 5
@mrbee: That’s the problem, she did make the effort. She FB messaged me telling me how she didn’t come to the wedding because she couldn’t afford to and this long drawn out thing about how she doesn’t understand why I’m not talking to her anymore. I have absolutely no idea how to respond.
She’s pretty much ensured that we won’t see each other ever, since she moved to the east coast after she graduated. We really don’t have any common friends except the best man. She has no friends. Seriously, every friend she made here in Cali she’s ruined the relationship with in one way or another. She’s kind of crazy. Claims she’s depressed and gets panic attacks…over nothing. Seriously, just out of no where. She and I got along mostly because we rarely saw each other, and I make a habit to avoid drama. So she expected to be the Maid/Matron of Honor because (I think) I am her only female friend, and one of her best friends (or was). But I would have counted her as more of an acquaintence than a friend.
(Still peeved that I made the effort to go to her graduation, and she couldn’t come to my wedding!!)
Post # 6
Don’t be mad, but I’ve found it easier in life if you don’t keep score. (your last sentence). Do what you want in life, and let others do what they want. It’s less stress on yourself. If you really enjoyed her friendship, when they get engaged send a card with good wishes.
Post # 7
Since she made the effort, I would at least reaccept her as a FB friend and take it from there. Maybe let her know that you understand financial concerns but you still took it personally when she canceled at the last minute. Since you don’T see her, I feel like there’S no reason to hold a grudge but you don’t need to be instant best friends either.
Post # 8
Weeeeeell okay here’s the thing about panic attacks. They do come out of no where and very ofter they’re triggered by absolutely nothing. Seriously. I had my first one in October and it was terrifying and it wasn’t triggered by anything at all. You can’t really judge her for that.
However, it does sound like she has an awful lot of drama, and likes to create it too! Not okay. Drama makes me insane, so I feel you on that front. If you’re not really ever going to see her again… why does it matter? Refriend her, but put her on a limited profile setting. Be friendly, but not her friend. And hope that your FI’s best man doesn’t marry her, ha.
Post # 9
Wow, that’s a crap thing to do to your friend (the best man). That’s probably the part that upsets me the most. I think that you will at some point have to be direct with her about how you feel. But, I would probably just reopen the communication, but keep it cordial until she outright asks you what is the issue. Then you can tell her about how you felt her assumptions were unfounded, that you are hurt by what she did to your friend and that although he might have taken her back, it will take you longer to trust her again because of what she did to him. That way it sounds as if your bigger concern is her behavior to your friend and not that you aesthetically had an empty seat at your wedding. The latter sounds selfish, which she might very well call you out on.
What a sticky situation. I would eventually tell her that she hurt you and what you are willing to do to rebuild the friendship.