Post # 1
Neither of my parents will be at the wedding as they are both deceased. When we first got engaged, it obviously occurred to me that it was going to be hard without them there, but as it gets closer, it is becoming more and more emotional for me. I am suddenly hit with the realization that my father won’t be walking me down the aisle, and that my mom wouldn’t be there to help me with things. When I was little, my mom used to sew a lot. I remember I used to say to her while I was watching her sew, ‘Mommy, are you going to make my dress when I get married?’ and she said she would. Unfortunately, she passed away 11 years ago, and my dad passed away 4 years ago. I am very happy and excited to be marrying the man of my dreams, but there is still this heaviness in my heart. My older sister has been more than wonderful and stepping up sort of in the mother role, but as you all know, you want your mother there the day you get married. I realize that she still watches over me, but it’s still not the same. Are any of you going through this situation as well?
Post # 3
I’m not in the same situation as you, and I know I can’t really comprehend it. I feel incredible loss that none of my grandparents will be with me on my wedding day, and they were probably most interested in seeing my married. You can find meaningful ways to incorporate your family in your wedding day in whatever capacity feels right to you and also enjoy this time with your family and friends who can come. Have you thought at all about what you’re doing?
I’m writing messages in my programs and also making a short statement during the ceremony (short because I don’t want to cry, and it will acknowledge loved ones that are both unable to make the trip for any reason — health, finances — as well as those who are deceased). For me, it’s hardest to come to the realization that there are very important people in my life that my Fiance has only heard about who won’t be at the wedding. That’s a perspective I didn’t have before this.
I’m sure there is someone in your position out there. I know you will have a wonderful wedding day as long as you are delighted to marry your husband.
Post # 4
I can totally relate to what you’re going through. Well, let me clarify…I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have lost both of your parents…I’ve gone through the pain of losing just one, my Dad, and that was completely devastating. Losing both parents is just unimaginable. I am so sorry that you have to deal with that kind of pain, and trust me…I know how the emotions of planning a wedding can really open up all of those emotional wounds. It seems like so much of the wedding day is centered around family and parents…especially the bride and her father…and well yeah, it’s really hard to not always have the fact that your parent won’t be at your wedding in the back of your mind pretty much all the time as the wedding plans start to come together. As much as I’m looking forward to getting married, it’s going to be a really hard day for me to not have my Dad there to be apart of it all. Like you said, I know he’s watching over me….but yeah, it’s just not the same. I’m trying to find ways to honor him at the wedding without making everyone overly sad or upset (which won’t be easy!), but I’m not quite sure yet what I’ll do exactly. I’m not sure if you feel this way, but sometimes I feel a little bit cheated when I think about what a proud day it would have been for him, and how unfair it is that he didn’t get to experience giving me away. So yeah, it completely and utterly sucks…for lack of a better word! 🙂 But just know that there are other people out there going through the same thing, and the best part is that we have found people that love us and understand us….and we’ll be starting beautiful families of our own with them! Hugs from me to you rol769!
Post # 5
I haven’t experienced that. And I’m sure it will be more comforting to hear from those who have. I just wanted to say I’m really sorry you lost both of your parents, and having that weighing on you for your wedding. Thank God you have a sister to lean on.
Post # 6
I lost my mom 16 years ago, that will be 16 years the month I marry actually.
My mom watched both my older sisters graduate high school, sent both off to college. Watched one marry, and give birth.
She wasn’t there to see me get a drivers license, or go to prom, or graduate high school, missed college graduation, missed my first heartache, and now doesn’t get to see me in a wedding dress to marry the man of my dreams, actually more than just my dream.
It makes me very very sad. Especially since my oldest sister says stupid things like "oh, your ring doesn’t sparkle much". Since I don’t have a living mom I thought I didn’t deserve to marry for a long time, that I was some how broken and no parents would want their son to marry a girl without a mom, and when I tried on wedding dresses, well, I wasn’t going to try them on because I thought I didn’t deserve one. That I would have to get some other type of dress and just marry without any fussy.
But I was so wrong. I am not marrying with fuss. But I am marrying in the dress I love, to give myself to the person I will spend the rest of my life with, the man I will have children with and become a parent with…and I won’t have a mom to call about a teething child. And I am not letting his mom replace mine.
I still have dreams about my mom. It’s the way I have found for her to be in my life.
My FH has a good friend who’s mom tells everyone to call her mom, I told the FH that I will not do that and that he can explain that to her. I have a mom. She just happend to have died of cancer 16 years ago.
Post # 7
I am not in your situation and I’m so so sorry for everything you’ve been through – my fiance is however in the same boat. Both of his parents passed away several years ago and I know that no matter how joyful, our wedding day will be really hard for him. I have a few special things planned that he doesn’t know about and a few he does. We are gathering pictures of our parents and grandparents on their wedding days to display and also putting a note in the program to recognize them. We will be leaving 2 empty seats in the front where his parents would have been seated (that will also be in the program). FH does not know that I am putting a small picture frame with his parents pictures on his boutonniere and that I am making a special boquet to take to the cemetary after the wedding.
You are right that it won’t be the same, but the most I can do is honor his feelings. Hugs to you!
Post # 8
Thanks so much everyone for your input. It is something that will undoubtedly be really hard to deal with and today reminded me even more of it because it’s exactly 6 months to the day when we get married. My fiance’s brother was killed a number of years ago, so in lieu of actual favors, we are going to make donations to a couple of charitable organizations to honor those who could not be there that day. There are already so many things that I am starting to stress out about: losing weight, getting in shape, tying up loose ends, trying to keep my sanity, but then to think that my parents, and almost all of their friends are gone is really depressing. Thanks for cheering me up though and to those who have to deal with the same thing, whether it be one or both parents gone, please drop me a line if you want to talk! I think it really helps to express your feelings about things like this. I hope you all have fabulous weddings and enjoy every minute of it. <<<HUGS>>>>>