Post # 1
I realize that ultimately it does not matter, but it bothers me that FI’s ex wife kept his last name. She is a writer and is known by that name professionaly, so it makes sense that she kept it, and I get that.
If she were a nicer person I would probably not be so bugged about it, but she left him in such a brutal and mean way I feel like she totally does not deserve his name anymore. The fact that I will share it with her irritates me to no end.
I realize I am not the boss of the name changing world, (although if I were, oh the fun I would have!) so therefore it’s out of my hands, and I need to spend my energy worrying about better things. I just needed to vent. 🙂
Post # 3
Look on the bright side… How often will you really ever be in proximity to her that anyone else will even realize it? On those rare occasions, just grin and bear it… And if she decides to be annoying or less than pleasant, be sure to introduce yourself as “the new, improved and permanent Mrs. So and so.”
Post # 4
I totallyyyy understand. I actually don’t know if she did or not… but it bugs me thinking she might have!! Lol!
Post # 5
If I ever (God forbid) divorced I wouldn’t change my last name. I’d want my daughter and I to still have the same last name, and I’ve gone by this name forever.
Post # 6
If it’s any comfort, she is most likely regretting that she ever took his name at this point. I know that when my ex left me, I was relieved that because I had never taken his name, I was not stuck with the choice between being forever known by the name of someone who left me and changing the name by which I was known professionally.
Post # 7
@tootietoo2: I love that idea!!!!
Post # 8
Yeah I can see how annoying that can be. Just brush her off and enjoy your new name.
Post # 9
Well, just think, maybe one day she’ll remarry and change her name then!
Post # 10
Honestly? I would be sooooooooooo annoyed/pissed/irate if I were in your shoes. Lucky for me, Quebecois traditions dictate that women do not take the last name of their husbands so I don’t have to worry. My FI’s last name is very unique and I plan on taking it as I am *not* Quebecois and have no emotional ties to my own last name.
But there isn’t much you can do about it I guess. But just know, this Bee is feelin’ for you on this one! lol
Post # 11
@Ms. Peach: As you’ll be married to him i’d take the view that she’ll share it with you and not the other way round.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone! You’ve reassured me that I my feelings are not totally unreasonable. 🙂
@KatyElle: I totally get your point. They don’t have children, but as I said, I even understand her keeping it for professional reasons. Still, in a “making it all about me” sort of way, I hate that she did. lol. 🙂 I am sure if it weren’t for her career she would have taken her maiden name back, as she could not wait to get out of their marriage.
@CatyLady: I like that! It’s all about perspective, right?
Post # 13
Like 2dbride says, I bet she is regretting it now! I’m sure no one is happy with the situation, but at least you are getting happily married. In the end, a name is just a name.
Post # 14
@tootietoo2: Hahaha I love that.
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2011 - Vandiver Inn
Honestly, I kept my first husband’s name and I know it tweaks his new wife. But that’s not why I did it. I did it for professional reasons and a few personal ones.
I realize logic is not the issue here and I do totally get where you’re coming from. Just remember that very few names are truly unique and it’s highly unlikely that no one else other than you three will ever have this last name. So just because your names are the same, that doesn’t mean you are associated with her in any way shape or form. For example, I know just at my (large nationwide) employer, there is another woman with my name. The only difference between us is our middle name. And I’m sure no one has ever thought we are related or associated us with one another.
I also get that this is an emotional reaction and I get where you’re coming from. But I’m telling you, unless you go around pointing it out, no one else will either. And making comments about it when you’re introucing yourself or whatever will only make you look silly or point out that you’re sensitive about it. I seriously doubt anyone but you will ever give it a second thought.
To point out my own issues? I jettisoned my second ex’s name faster than you could ever imagine. Irrationally, the idea of being connected to his horror show of a mother in any way (even by name) was repugnant to me. I got rid of that name so fast his head spun. Heh. So I do get it.
Post # 16
So you took husband number 2’s name then got rid of it and went back to husband number 1’s name rather than your maiden name?