(Closed) Bedroom issues..need advice

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

You definitely need to find a new doctor, as well as a new therapist.  I would strongly, with all my education, recommend a sex therapist who is certified through AASECT (http://www.aasect.org/) as they will have waaaay more training and experience.  If one doesn’t fit with you, try a different one.  Finding a good therapist is like finding the right deal on a car, you have to shop around!  Come up with some questions that can assist you in figuring out if the therapist is right for you two and ask them in the first session.

Next, I would recommend Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.  It’s highly respected in the Sex Therapy field as well as in the Marriage & Family Therapy field.  It was written by a sex therapist for his clients.  I’ve read it for graduate coursework and it is amazing!  It’s very frank, but it deals with all sorts of problems including ED, vaginismus, infidelity, premature ejaculation, etc.  It has changed my relationship and many others and it has the potential to help your sex life.  It sounds as if this was a physical problem that turned into a psychological problem, which is very very common.  But, you can’t rule out the physical issue still sticking around.  So if you try everything to treat it psychologically and it doesn’t work, then it’s physical; if you try everything physically to fix it, then it’s psychological.  But, it’s also not that easy because if it’s 50-50 or 60-40, it won’t help to work on just one aspect.

PM me if you have any questions about finding a therapist or using the book.  I’d be happy to help you!

Post # 4
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have NO training or experience in giving sexual advice, but I would say that if I were in your shoes, and there is ONE thing I would try, it would be to masterbate (maybe using a toy) and have him watch. Essentially it completely takes the focus away from him and he need not feel any pressure to do anything at all. You get to climax, & he might be extremely turned on. Maybe try letting him get aroused but then not necessarily having sex. The stage fright could make him soft again..

Post # 5
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How old is he and how long has he had ED?  

I’d definitely seek another medical opinion (or perhaps more).  See if you can find a doctor that specializes in ED.

I’ve heard ED is more common if a guy is overweight or has unhealthy arteries (blocked arteries = loss of blood flow).  


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