(Closed) Bee Slap me

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 136
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Mayablue6:  OMG I am so sad for you!!  He sounds like a huge ***hole!!  I know it is hard, but be strong bee!  You will find someone who deserves you 🙂

Post # 137
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Private lodge

 Scratch what I wrote below:  I just caught up.  He’s a sounds selfish and unprepared for the hell that is teenagers.  He should’ve thought about that.  I’m so sorry for your situation.  Truly.  Bright side – I bet your kids are pretty happy….?

Mayablue6: I’ve been in similar living situations. I put my foot down about living together.  If I’m going to pay on a mortgage – it’ll be mine.  So either we get married and the house becomes ours.  Our I’m totally fine investing in my own finanical health, in my own home and we can date long term.  Fiance and I agreed marriage was a good idea for us all – i’m 38 hes 45. he has 1 kid. I have 5. See any potential conflicts there ? LOL 

I think as women we can tend to be too independant and end up leaving a man feeling unneccesary. Especially if we’ve been single moms for awhile! They need to be valueable to us.  Expect him to step up a little!  In ways he’s feeling good about.

my Fiance and I recently went through prenup negotiations and it was torture.  You can read my thread about it.  Some good things came out about our priorities though and I think we’re better off for it.  Could you two sit down with your monthly expenses and track what you’re paying to demonstrate where you think things are off? Maybe % of income is more fair than % of expenses.

There are benefits that come with marriage.  IF you’re living together you might as well be married.  The tough stuff doesn’t go away – married of not.  If he wants a perfect, problem free relationship he should probably live alone – relationships have ups and down and Teenagers are hell!  My Fiance and I have 3 at home – 16,15,14.  We’ve been living together for 19 days!  Wedding is in 4.5 months.  These have been the most difficult 19 days of our relationship.  We went through two divorces together and even that doesn’t compare.  Living together ups the anty for everyone involved.  I think if it isn’t neogiated and addressed carefully in the early stages it can go wrong very quickly.   I keep reminding him we are old dogs, with stubborn habits and we have to grow together…. and in the same direction. 

these hurdles don’t need to be deal breakers – but both parties need to find a common ground.  He can’t disregard your concerns and you can disregard his. Sounds like this is about SO much more than the $.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Free2bme.
Post # 138
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Private lodge

 

Soon2ElopeBee:  I’m pretty sure that should go on a billboard.  or women’s shelter flyer. Or a post card handed to each girl in highschool sex ed class.  OMG. 

Serioulsy.  I’m printing your post.  No one could’ve said it better.

Post # 139
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Do you live in Canada by any chance? My understanding is that Common Law would mean you are entitled to some of that equity you helped build in his property now that the relationship is ending. 

Post # 140
Member
4579 posts
Honey bee

Mayablue6: I’m sure when you look back 5 years from now, you will be sooooo glad he broke up with you. From what you have shared here, you are definitely waaaaaay better alone with your children. 

Post # 141
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

interchangeable:  I was also thinking  this too, that the ex wife name mix up was to piss OP off so she will move out. What I hadn’t thought of that you said is that they moved in together too soon. That seems very true and shows a lot of insight on your part.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
Post # 142
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

I’m just mad you didn’t dump his ass first.

Post # 143
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Mayablue6:  omg, he’s almost old enough to be your dad and he doesn’t even treat *your* dog equally. Can only imagine how *your* children feel. You said he won’t give them a ride or $10 for an event. I hope he feeds them while he is being a wonderful father to his own kids!

Being disregarded by someone who is supposed to be a father figure is harmful to your children especially as you said they’d been semi discarded by their real dad!  So glad this guy makes you feel “loved”, guarentee your kids don’t feel loved or even valued by him over the last year!

Yes you need a slap for sure.

Ps  if I sound harsh it’s because my bff was one of those kids

Post # 144
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

When I was in middle school my mom met this guy.  He was probably almost 20 years older than my mom, had more money than he knew what to do with, etc.  My mom was a single mom, recently divorced, struggling to keep a roof over our heads, and battling my dad at endless hearings. 

We moved in with him eventually.  Everything was great.  We took trips, he let me help him build stuff, he took us to the doctors if we were sick, and made us dinner if mom was working late.  Then his daughter also moved in.  Everything changed.  Anything that was ever wrong was OUR fault, not hers.  She was messy, she was a brat, she was most certainly the problem 9 times out of 10. 

Eventually we moved out of his house.  It was always a fight between “us” and “them.”  When it was good it was really good when it was bad it was WWIII.  My mom met a new guy.  They have been together 10 years now.  He is loyal, honest, would do anything for any of us.  He doesn’t have the money, cars, or luxuries.  But in the end they dont matter.

For your kids sake, pack up and move on..  There is ALWAYS someone else out there…

 

So the story doesn’t end there… One year after we moved out of my mom’s ex-boyfriends house.. He died-motorcycle accident.  If we had still been there we would have been homeless and broke.  The house was in his name and my mom wasn’t in his will.  We would have lost everything. 

So when it seems like nothing is going right.  Remember to Believe in Fate…there is always a bigger plan..

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