(Closed) Been crying all night…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

I come from a similar culture of big weddings and inviting everyone you’ve ever met and everyone they are related to and having lavish dessert tables and what not.

I understand your pain, I really do. However, it sounds like the venue is not in fact one that meets the requirements you AND the parents have. It’s just one day out of your life, so unless you literally will not be able to enjoy the day if it’s not there, choose another place that can accommodate everyone on the planned guest list.

Could you perhaps have your shower there instead?

Post # 17
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  If you are truly okay with an elopement then that is your answer.  I eloped last Tuesday in a beautiful private ceremony and not once did I cry at night leading up to my day.  No one called me nasty names or had say over my venue or guest list.  No one had the right to do such because I planned an event I could afford and did not accept monetary assistance.

If you are unhappy with how things are going then rethink your vision.

Post # 20
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  that cant possibly be the only scenic venue in the whole region can it? And it is going to be very inconvenient for your guests to have to stay three nights to be able to stay on site! There will be a lot of eyerolling behind the scenes about that. Most guests will just want to stay one night. So theyll have to arrange an expensive ride, or drive home afterwards which is a bummer/dangerous. Honestly all I hear from your post is whining about a free fancy wedding because it cant be at a pretty yet massively inconvenient venue….

I would just either

A) pay for your wedding your way (about which there will still be a ton of drama and negativity, because no way 80 person venue is big enough for a big family, so youll piss off both immediate and extended family, many of which will not forget it in their lifetime)

B) be reasonable and comprimise with the bank of mom and dad! Find something lovely that can accomodate the guest list both sides want (or maybe not their FULL ask, but more than 80) and enjoy your *****FREE WEDDING****. Stay at dream venue for a weekend and do engagement pics there.

C) elope

 

I would do B or C, I sure as shit wouldnt do A. 

 

Post # 21
Member
10483 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Honestly, it sounds like this venue just won’t work for the type of wedding you’re planning. It sucks and I get it, but at some point you have to decide whats most important to you – scenery or the people who you love? I know its easy to get tunnel vision when you’re wedding planning and find something you like but this venue doesn’t seem realistic at all.

If I were you I would find something else that can meet the needs of your guests/families. At the end of the day you’re getting a free wedding which is something most people can’t even dream of.

Those who pay get the biggest say. If you want the biggest say in the wedding then you need to pay for it. If you can’t pay for it or want someone else to then they get the say. If your mom is paying the $35K and wants to invite 200 people and have a bunch of food then let her have at it and see what she comes up with.

Post # 23
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  I’m sorry about your situation. I can’t stand it when other bees call people on here selfish because they want their wedding a certain way. I think parents giving money towards a wedding is a gift and the giver of the gift shouldn’t dictate how the gift is used. If they’re using their money to manipulate your wedding to be something you don’t want, then I think they’re in the wrong. Of course, they don’t have to give any money if they don’t want to, but I also think it’s really dumb to spend more money in order not to offend people. That being said, I don’t think this a good venue since it requires guests to stay 3 nights. Even if money and guest list size wasn’t an issue for you, this wouldn’t be a good venue. It seems like you really like this venue because it would allow you to have a smaller guest list which is something that is important to you. Only you know your parents, but if I were you, I’d say “I don’t want that many people at my wedding, so we’re eloping. We’ll send photos”. I wouldn’t give in to my parents and go through with something I didn’t want.

Post # 24
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  yes, it’s both a blessing and a curse when it comes to event planning.

In our cultures weddings are not just about the bride and groom, they are community events where people of a similar background not only celebrate the marriage but also the heritage and tradition in a way. 

However, think of it this way: many, many people want to celebrate with you and your family. That is pretty cool!

You will just need to pick your battles wisely given your desire to have a more intimate affair and not spend like crazy.

For example: You don’t want to invite mom’s neighbor’s friend’s cousin because then you’d have to invite uncle’s neighbor because they grew up together and work at the same place and he will be upset and hurt he was left out? Ok, ask your parents for a list of who is a NECESSARY invitee and go from there and don’t even look at venues that cannot accommodate them all.

Also, set a budget on paper with maxes for line items that you all really really care about. That way, you can refer to the budget and the list and nix as you go if it gets too out of control.

Post # 25
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Normally the first thing to do when wedding panning is to determine the budget. You and your Fiance have skipped that because your parents are paying for everything.

The second step is determining the guest list. The two of you sit down and decide who are the people in your life that you really want with you on your wedding day. You also ask your parents for their lists- especially given that they are paying. You have decided to skip that too because the venue is more important to you.

I think it might be a good idea to take a step back, take a few long deep breaths and start over. Your venue may be your dream, but it sounds like a guest’s nightmare. Choosing a venue where none of your guests can stay because of the 3 night minimum is just thoughtless.

Post # 26
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee

How many venues have you looked into? Are you.open to keep looking? 

Post # 27
Member
5673 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  what about the next month? Will they have a better room and rate if you push it out a month? We ended up doing ours a month later because even the Fridays were booked up at our venue. I would actually look at other venues you might be surprised. The venue I loved and the one we went with was the one I said absolutely not to at first. We did a smaller wedding and it wad open bar for most of the night with appetizers and wine service and it was all $20k. Including photog and DJ. I would look for a place with all inclusive packages. We hired our own DJ and photog but they had lists. That will make your life so much easier. I’m telling you it’s worth it. 

As for the nasty names?! That’s not acceptable. Has she always been verbally abusive? That really sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with that. 

Post # 29
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
irishbride2018 :  People always have other options for accommodation. Disabuse yourself of the notion that you are providing those options. They can go online and it less than a minute find other hotels near any given address.

You are still priorizing your dream venue, over the people your parents would like to invite (the parents who are paying for your dream), and the comfort and safety of your guests, given that everyone will have to drive back to a different hotel after the reception.

Post # 30
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Did I miss something? How far away is this from where most of your guests live?  Why is the hotel stay such a big deal? I guess in my area it isn’t common to stay overnight unless it is far out of the way  

The topic ‘Been crying all night…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors