(Closed) Been in a numb state of mind since we both went back home separately. . *sigh*

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

If you’re so blindingly depressed when you can’t be with him, I don’t understand why you can’t live in a roommate situation. Just because people live with each other doesn’t mean they’re sexually active or anything — they’re just with the person they love. I can’t understand why you’d torture yourself to the point of not eating and feeling completely numb just because of ‘beliefs’.

Post # 4
11693 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@katiecat08:  Awwww, HUGS.  As much as it sucks, it’s kind of a nice feeling really, knowing how perfect you are together that you feel like you’re not quite whole without him.  When FH went away for a week, after I dropped him off at the airport I was kind of lost.  We’ve lived together for 7 years, we rarely spend more than a day or 2 apart so it was really really weird coming home and not having him here.

Hopefully you guys can get engaged and married soon – or he gets a much more fuel efficient vehicle and you can see each other more often!

Post # 5
634 posts
Busy bee

Perhaps living together in a two bedroom place and strictly keeping to separate beds? I mean heck, I’ve had many roommates this way, both male and female, and there was nothing indecent about it. You should be able to keep the same behaviors Under the same roof. Barring that, at least moving closer than 4 hours apart. I mean, one of you (or both of you) is going to have to move after the wedding anyway.

Post # 8
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If I were you’d id a hobby to eat up time when I’m alone. I understand missing someone you love because I get all blah when my Fiance goes out of town for a couple days but I don’t break down and become depressed to the point I can’t function properly during the day because I miss him. It sounds mildly unhealthy to be so emotionally dependent on someone….

what car do you have? Is it possible for you to visit him? 

Post # 9
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well if you BOTH are having these feelings…

Then you guys need to get Engaged & Married sooner than later.

Sorry, it isn’t clear from your post WHY this isn’t happening.


Post # 10
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This sounds self-inflicted…can’t you two get engaged and start planning your future? How old are you? 

Post # 11
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@katiecat08:  I completely relate. We did get married earlier this year, January, and this was supposed to be our first Christmas together. Nope. For a plethora of reasons…not the least of which was a concerning family matter on Darling Husband side, he left town with his two kids last weekend and won’t be home til this coming weekend. Leaving me and my two kids here, with my parents for Christmas Eve and day. 


I’ve been out of sorts this entire week. Feels like being a single mom all over again 🙁 I’ve been working, then working some more at home as a one woman show to make sure my kids and my parents have a happy holiday, and it just feels lonely and sad. 

Having been thru this Christmas apart now, I’d add that if it is at all in your power to avoid this type of situation, do it! Life is too short to be sad and separated from your one true love! 

Post # 12
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I don’t understand how it ‘feels right’ if you’re this miserable, seriously.

Post # 13
3267 posts
Sugar bee

There are things he/you could do but you won’t consider them.  It is more important to him to drive a gas guzzler (regardless of the sentimental attachment) then it is to come and see you.  It is more important to be married then to live together.  If it’s that important then you should go down to the court house and get married.  It is not hard or expensive.  You are both chosing to put other stuff (a car, beliefs, a fancy engagement/wedding) before doing what will improve your mental health, and make you happy.  Logic fail.

It seems unhealthy to me, to be unable to function without someone else.  You were your own person before you met, and should continue to be your own person without him around.  You should enhance each other, not allow you to function.

Do you have a car?  Is there a bus you can take?  Is him driving a gas guzzler to you the only option? 


Post # 14
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This sounds more like codependence than a deepening of an adult relationship.  Didn’t you guys just meet in May and you’ve been long distance the whole time?  How much actual time have you spent together?

Post # 15
510 posts
Busy bee

@HannahGrace:  “This sounds more like codependence than a deepening of an adult relationship.”

Agreed. In healthy relationships, and just being a healthy person, you’re still a functional human being on your own.

Post # 16
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My Fiance and I did long distance for about a year and a half and it certianly sucked, so I understand little pangs of “Wow it’d be so much better if we lived near each other” but neither of us ceased functioning because of it. I’d be concerned if he told me he was miserable and coulndn’t sleep because I wasn’t there. I get one or two days of being miserable, but you should be able to get back into your daily routine.

It may sound extreme but if you honestly feel depressed enough that it’s messing with your daily routine I’d suggest trying therapy. It might be helpful just to sit down and talk about your feelings and try to work out what the best way to move forward.

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