(Closed) Been married for a week and in-laws keep popping over unannounced…what to do?!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think the first step would be doing something about the fact that his father has a key. Is that really necessary?

After that’s dealt with, just stop answering the door. Just because the phone rings or someone knocks doesn’t mean you have to answer it! You’ve tried talking to them, and that didn’t work. Maybe they’ll get tired of coming over to find no one “there” and call before-hand.

Post # 4
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would try talking to them again and let them know that you need some ‘you’ time after the wedding.. and maybe ask for the key back until you trust they can use it responsibly… or make them watch a season of everbody love Raymond and start calling them Maria and Frank.

Post # 5
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh gosh, that’s rough!  I can’t think of anything else, but to have your husband have a good talk with them.  Hopefully they’ll understand. 

Seriously, if it ever got that bad, I’d fake not being home, but the fact that your father in law has a key makes that hard.

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would make your husband talk to them and set some strict boundries. That’s just not ok! My Father-In-Law has a key too, but he would never use it unless we specifically tell him to (like if we’re not home and he is taking care of the dog or picking something up, or if I’m sick on the couch so I don’t have to get up to get the door).

Post # 7
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Maybe you could start a home-improvement project (preferably something really tedious like scraping old wallpaper), and get them to help when they pop in.  Either it will scare them away, or you’ll get some free help out of the deal!

Post # 9
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can totally relate to this.  MY Future Mother-In-Law used to do this to my Future Brother-In-Law and his girlfriend, and I know if we lived closer she’d do it to us too.  My suggestion is that either your Darling Husband or both of you together sit down with them and have a firm talk about it.  I think that doing it in this way, rather than just casually asking them to stop, is your best bet.  Clearly asking nicely hasn’t worked and it needs to be stepped up a notch.  If this doesn’t work I vote you just stop answering the door when they show up unannounced (or even if they call multiple times and you don’t answer).  They’ve got to get a clue at some point!

Post # 10
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your husband needs to have a one one one conversation w/ them – although you two are married – he can feel free to be firm and they won’t be looking at you like as if you are the one pushing him. In this case he can speak for the both of you.

My In-Laws did a pop in which resulted in my husband and I hiding in our bathroom till they left (we were afriad they were going to peek through the windows) so he had a firm talk with them & I highly doubt it will happen again.

Post # 12
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Answer the door with your husband in boxers and you wrapped in a bedsheet. They will learn to call ahead.

Post # 13
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, just wow.  I cannot even imagine dealing with that.

I think it is up to your husband to set some boundaries.  Yes, they might be mad and/or hurt, but they aren’t being reasonable.  I cannot imagine how they cannot comprehend why newlyweds (or anyone for that matter) might not want drop-in company constantly.  This WILL affect your marriage negatively.

As for them not listening to his requests, all you can do is refuse to answer the door just because they are there.  If you have a garage, I’d ALWAYS park in it so they can’t tell when you are or aren’t home.  And just change the locks.  Maybe just decide you need a deadbolt and add it.  His dad DOESN”T need a key to your house.  If your husband is questioned about why his dad isn’t given a new key, he really should tell them it’s because he abused having one before.  Or if you aren’t confrontational, maybe just get a lock with a combination and tell them the “wrong” code and act like it works fine for you…not sure why they can’t make it work (yes, that’s lying and lying is wrong and I can’t condone it…but the thought DID occur to me).

EDIT:  I see Mother-In-Law has temper issues.  Perhaps Darling Husband should talk to Father-In-Law alone.  I really think, however, he should make it clear that HE is also uncomfortable with their behavior and that he is the one setting the boundaries…not making you the “bad guy.”

Post # 14
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KitKatNYC: Love it. I agree. Even if it causes your mother-in-law to have “wide eyes”… you’re married, how does she think the grandkids are going to appear?

Post # 15
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

First of all you keep saying you are married! Good go with that, you two need to act like the married grown adults that you are!! His dad nor anybody else needs a key to YOUR house. Tell them again that they must call before coming over. IF they dont tell them you will not answer the door! They need to be respectful of your time, but they never will be if you let them continue with the way things are going.

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