(Closed) Been there done that ” The Big Wedding thing”

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You will get more responses if you post this in the “Encore” forum. That’s the forum for ladies getting married again.

Post # 4
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was kind of like that at first too. But my Fiance WANTS the wedding.  His sister eloped and he said he wasn’t going to do that to his family.  I realized that this would make him happy to have the big wedding so all his family could be there, and it kind of made me not care if ppl think Im rediculous for having another wedding because I know I am doing something HE feels is important.  (does that make sense?)

Post # 5
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

MY best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor recently got married and it was her third marriage, his first. While she was beyond over the whole wedding thing he really wanted those special moments. She ended up doing a smaller destination type wedding (approximately 50 people) in his hometown so that most of his family could attend.

It turned out to be a lovely thing and she was really glad she did it.

Post # 6
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012


This is my second and my FIs first as well.  However, I had nothing that resembled a wedding the first time – no dress, no reception, no family, heck I even went back to work when it was done (same day).  So I am doing a wedding this time – albiet casual and outdoors. 

I am sure there are many people that had the big shebang and aren’t up for it again.  So I don’t think you’re alone in that regard.  However, it should be about what you BOTH want (not his mom) and then come to some sort of comprimise.  What does your Fiance want to do?  I did not see anything about what he wants.

Is his mother offering to pay for it all?  Because if she’s not, then she really doesn’t get to have it her way – which by the way I would not accept people to contribute because then they have to have a say in how it all goes!

Post # 7
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

just my 2 cents…

if you don’t want a big wedding, don’t invite 200 people.

if you don’t want a big ballgown dress, wear a lovely sheath.

you get the picture. I’d think you’d be looking at this at your chance to do things the way that maybe you wanted them to be the first time, but you were too young. 

Work together, and you’ll get your creative juices flowing…

Post # 9
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sounds like your Fiance and you just need to work out some sort of comprimise.  Maybe that means less people but not as formal?  I don’t know but I hope you two can get through it successfully!

Post # 10
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

his mom wants him to have a big wedding

you don’t want a big wedding


what does he want?


Oh, whatever he wants. Do it for him. It’s his first.

Then he can owe you the rest of your life 🙂

Post # 11
2 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so with you! I am about to get married for the second time. I was okay with not having a wedding because I have had one before but I did not want to take that experience from my fiance. 

We are having a non-traditional wedding in our church. My fiance will be walking down the aisle with my daughter on one side and I will be walking with my son on the other side at the same time (we have promised to not look over at each other). We will be walking to the song “A Perfect Day.” We are then going to walk up to the alter all four of us holding hands to a table holding 4 viles of colored sand to pour into one glass jar. We are focusing the wedding on the uniting of our family so we have done away with bridesmaides, groomsmen, boquet toss, garter toss…etc.  I am guiding my Fiance to keep it simple. My dress is Oleg 326 short in the front and long in the back. Just dressy enough for him to wear a tux but informal enough for me to not feel ridiculous. I “had the wedding of my dreams” already (just not the husband!)

Good luck with your wedding!!  Just keep it fun!

Post # 12
10 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I felt the same way. My 2nd his 1st. I would of been completely happy just going to the courthouse, but it is opportunity to have the whole shebang so we are doing it. After he found out how much it is going to cost. I offered to go to the courthouse again and he still wanted it all.

I am actually enjoying planning the whole thing now.

Post # 13
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

OP is right about posting this in “encore,” but I’ll give my two cents anyway:

I am an encore bride, and Fiance is a first-timer.  I did NOT want to plan a big wedding. We are lucky enough that neither of our parents care to have much input.  He wants a wedding.

So, for us, it’s a wedding he’ll get.  By getting started planning I’ve realized that just because I had one and did not enjoy planning it does not mean that I shouldn’t at least try to enjoy it more this time around.

I started by picking a venue, which has been the most stressful decision by far.  Everything else has kind of fallen into place because he and I have discussed, at length, what kind of affair we want. Talk to your fiancé, ask him what he wants.  If you feel he’d do his best to make your dream wedding happen, then you owe it to him to try to do the same.  

Post # 14
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am totally there with you. This is my second wedding, FI’s first, and he comes from a big Portuguese family. His mother, whom I love, insists of a big church wedding. Personally I would like to have my feet in the sand on a beach in Maui. BUT I am planning the wedding that Fiance and his family want because it is his first time…the more time that passes the more I get into it. I feel prety savvy about it, having done it before. But I know how you feel. There are days when I want to say to Future Mother-In-Law, “too bad” but then I see something on here planning wise that I love and think “we’re going to have a great wedding”. Don’t feel ridiculous, try to enjoy this time with your Fiance and make some great memories.

Post # 15
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is my first and my FI’s second and he’s the one who’s really into it.  I always thought I would be, but I’m just not, esp. because I planned my sister’s a few years back and loved it.  There are a few things I’ve enjoyed, but generally I’ve just find it exhausting and overwhelming so far.

Post # 16
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

We were in the same boat as you guys. I just wanted to me be married and happy. My priority was my relationship with my SO, not the pony show. His family was pressuring us into having the big wedding that I ended up planning by myself and they were fighting me over everything. It turned ugly, so we both walked away, I dropped all the planning and we eloped. I couldn’t be happier just being married to this wonderful man, and feeling lucky to get a 2nd chance at love.

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