(Closed) Been Thinking About Thank You’s (or lack thereof)…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I looked up in the “Emily Post” what the “official” time frame on sending out thankyous is:

“Contrary to popular myth, couples don’t have a grace period of a year in which to send their thanks. All thank-you notes should be written within three months of receiving the gift.”

Her expiration is just about to run out on the graduation, but she’s still w/in the time frame for the shower.

Post # 48
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t get this “trend” either.

@ScarletBegonia:  I kind of understand where you are coming from because I wasn’t raised to send to send thank you cards at Christmas or my birthday, for example, when you are opening presents with the givers present.  However, we always called the family members and friends who gave us gifts but were not present to personally thank them.  

I had my thank you cards out within 2 weeks for both of my showers and within 3 weeks from our wedding.  I DO get offended when I do not receive thank you cards from brides or new mom’s because in my circle it is the norm to send personal thank you cards for these events; in my social circle it is viewed as rude to not do it.  Very rude.  

I haven’t recieved a thank you from a wedding that I attended last October.  I THINK that the bride and groom thanked everyone for their gifts during their speech (which I thought was ridiculous for a variety of reasons) and possibly considered that to be enough.  To me, it’s not.  

Post # 49
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@milesbella: I have only ever expected a thank you car from a shower or wedding (not a bachlorette) and I have gone to TWO weddings, both sisters two weeks apart from each other and BOTH never gave me a thank you card….and that was over 5 years ago and i still get miffed about it.

Youhave a right to be upset, but like other people said, you cant change who these people are! Maybe after the wedding ask what picture they are planning on using as their thank you cards *har har*

Post # 50
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

@aspasia475: I misunderstood what you meant when you were referring to responding to the email. I assumed it would be the same medium. I’m sure it would come across better in person, but I still feel it would come off as disnigenuous.

Post # 51
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now because I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding last October.

I understand when things get hectic and I’m not a stickler for the 3 month rule but the part that I am bothered is that she has been unemployed since last March. I keep in touch with her and when I ask her what she is up to, she just says “oh keeping busy….”

She moved into a new condo with her husband and his sister in May but I would think that things have already been sorted by now.

Another thing is that her bridal shower was in September and we haven’t seen Thank you cards on that one either…..we even had someone designated to write down in a book while she was opening the gift, who it was from and what they gave her so it would make it easier for her when it came time for her Thank you cards.

My wedding was in July and she contacted me in November to let me know that she got her Thank you card and was appreciative of it, she then told me that the photographer was working on their pictures and that they were going to sort through them shortly but that was the last I heard…..

So it’s not like the concept is foreign to her but I guess she doesn’t feel it’s all that important.




Post # 52
1693 posts
Bumble bee

@Lux: As a close friend (I am assuming, as you were Maid of Honour) would you consider calling her up to offer to “help” with her thank-you notes? Several years ago I was Maid of Honour to a dear friend of the blunt, unrepressed self-aware variety. She asked me over after the wedding to “help” with the thank-you notes on the grounds that without an accountability partner she knew she would procrastinate indefinately. All I had to do was make tea and compile checklists: she did all the actual notes herself.

It was easier and happier than a few years later, when I helped her write the replies to all the notes of condolence she received after being widowed. Those notes I actually helped with the writing, and there was much less comradely laughter over the chore.

Post # 53
65 posts
Worker bee

Courtesy and good manners have gone to the wayside in general. Most people don’t think about etiquette nowadays; they’re just not aware or simply don’t care.  If anyone of you doesn’t receive a thank you message (whether by letter, phone or email), give them the benefit of the doubt the first and even the second time.  However, if this is a habit of a “friend,” I probably wouldn’t give anything big next time, if at all.  If you’re still inclined to give, go ahead – just don’t expect any thanks.

Post # 54
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I was raised writing a thank you for every present, card, and favor I received. It just lets the gift-giver know that you appreciate what they did for you. When I send my nephews birthday cards with money inside, I never even know if they receive them because I don’t get a thank you. That being said, I wouldn’t mind if it was a phone call, or when they are older, an email. It is nice to be appreciated. Personally, if it was an acquaintence, I would probably just stop giving gifts alltogether. 

But like a pp said, she might be waiting for pro pics to come back, as it is trendy right now to create thank-you’s with pictures on them. 

Post # 55
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010


Great suggestion, the thing is that I live 6 hours away, I am in my 2nd trimester and to top it off, we are going through renos to try to get the nursery ready.

I’ll probably just ask her how her photos are coming along and if she has decided which ones she’ll be sending out but as I said she called to Thank me for the the Thank you card I sent her so maybe she just isn’t interested in doing them….


Post # 56
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I posted this on another thread, but decided to post it on this discussion too…

I was a Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding one year ago.  I threw her a bridal shower and bachelorette party. I got her gifts for two different showers and the bachelorette party.  Never got a Thank-You card.  After about  6 months it really started to bother me. I even asked my friend if she sent out thank you cards after her wedding and she said yes. When I stated that I didn’t get one she said she didnt think she needed to send me one.  My mom even made her grooms cake for her for free and she didnt get a thank you either. I wouldn’t have even said anything but I thought maybe it got lost in the mail or something, and it really bothered me because she was one of my closest friends then. 

I guess everyone is different, but I fully intend on making sure I send thank you cards very soon after the wedding. I think they really mean a lot to people. It really bothers me when people just assume they should be given gifts because they are getting married and people do not need to be thanked.

Post # 57
4 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I do agree that it is definately proper etiquette to thank people for gifts received (even for birthday’s and Christmas) with a thank you, or at least over the phone. However, I don’t think that only people in certain cultures don’t send thank yous. My cousins never sent (or said) thank yous to our Grandma or Aunt’s for their birthday or X-mas presents and therefore do not recieve them anymore. They also (wrongly) assume that thanks would not be appreciated. I would much rather write a thank you and have someone read it, think “That’s nice” and throw it away then have them think I am ungrateful.

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