Been together more than 5 years, sick of waiting

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
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  • Post # 17
    Member
    802 posts
    Busy bee

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    midnightblaze :  Do you have any plans for what you’ll do if he refuses both ring options and you call him out on his BS? 

    Post # 18
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

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    midnightblaze :  what does your mom’s ring look like? Is it possible to take the stone out and he can pick a new setting, that way he’s also putting money in and picking something, he seems to be set on spending money on the ring and this would be a compromise. Just a thought, good luck!!

    Post # 19
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee

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    midnightblaze :  “Hes really lucky i have a ring my mother is willing to give to him to use that is gorgeous. Any more excuses from him and ill be calling him on his b.s.”

    Exactly this. If I really wanted to propose to someone and was having trouble affording a ring and my partner said ‘my mom has this gorgeous heirloom ring I’d love to use’ I would feel incredibly lucky and plan a very soon (as in the next week or two) proposal within my budget. There are 1001 ways to plan a special affordable proposal that don’t take months and months to plan nor a huge unattainable budget to afford.  

    Post # 24
    Member
    2060 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    littlebuzz :  very good point! 

    ETA: good for you, bee. You have the right attitude here. You deserve nothing but the best and you’ve waited long enough. Time to hold his feet to the fire.

    We will be here for you either way.

    Post # 26
    Member
    802 posts
    Busy bee

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    midnightblaze :  Glad to hear it. Make sure and keep us updated!

    Post # 27
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Good for you, Bee! If you love your mom’s ring, don’t change it just so your bf can feel like he spent money on you. Don’t indulge his toxic masculinity. He can splurge on the wedding ring if he wants to spend money of his own. 

    I find it ironic that he wants to save a ton of money for an expensive ring, but his budget is 5000. This confirms more than ever that he is using the ring as an excuse to stall, AND he didn’t even do his research on rings. Objectively speaking, I don’t believe 5k falls within the “expensive” ring category if you’re looking at diamonds, whether lab or mined. A quick Google search would have told him that. For 5k pre tax, you can get a Costco ring with an I colored diamond, VS2, 1.35 carat total. I’m seeing rings that range from 1600 to over 40k on their site. 

    I’m not ragging on his budget, my bf is spending 3k on a moissanite ring and he made it very clear to me that he was not going to spend the amount of money it would have cost to get a diamond with the specs I wanted.

    My point is, your bf claims he wants to save so much money on such an expensive ring so he can feel like a manly provider, but the amount he considers expensive is actually in the very low range. This shows he didn’t even do a quick Google search to see what price point is realistic. This puts a really bad taste in my mouth.

    From what I can see, your bf cares more about his ego than getting married, your happiness, and the kind of sentimental and meaningful ring YOU want.

    You sound like an amazing person with your priorities in the right place, and the willingness to stick up for yourself. I am sorry but I am not liking this guy. I think we’ve already established that he’s using the “I’m saving up for a ring” classic stall tactic. What really bothers me is he needs to feel like he paid a lot of money for it, AND he is just looking at arbitrary numbers, rather than the quality of how far his money will go.

    Don’t. Change. Your. Mom’s. Ring. Just to feed his ego. 

    My friend wanted to get a 1 carat with better specs and smaller side stones. Her fiance wanted her to get a 1.5 carat because a 1 carat would be a poor reflection of his “ability to provide.” He ended up spending a ridiculous amount of money on a yellowish 1.5 carat solitaire with visible inclusions. He got what he wanted, random people would gawk at that rock and call it huge, and assume she was rich. My friend looked down at that ring every single day and regretted it. All she saw was a yellow and heavily flawed Ring Pop. She’s divorced, and she still regrets that ring. 

    Don’t be my friend. Don’t wait for a guy like her then husband who cares more about his ego and appearances and reflection of “ability to provide” than what makes you happy. 

    Sorry for rambling. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee

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    littlebuzz :  

    I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t care about my preferences. 

    OP, I think your boyfriend is making excuses. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Something that always irritates me about people’s responses is that they instruct you to just dump his ass. There are plenty of steps to take before doing that. Please go into the conversation calm and rational, since he has no idea you are on here looking for advice from strangers, especially if this has gotten you all riled up. I had to wait about 5 and a half years. It was never a question that we’d get married, but he did want to save for a while to get me a nice ring. If you discuss marriage already, you know you’re going to be together for your lives, discuss it, but try to be patient. My FH wasn’t giving me an excuse, it gave HIM pride to pick the ring HE wanted me to have, and I am proud to wear it. I did bring up the proposal a lot- I kept it in the dialogue, but ultimately, I feel like it’s better that I let him surprise me in his own way with the ring he chose. I’m not saying not to compromise on the ring, but the WAY that you communicate it is important.

    Post # 30
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee

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    sunburn :  you really got all that from one post? I don’t think we can judge whether another human being is amazing or not based on one biased online anecdote, and I don’t think we know better than OP who has been with this man for nearly 6 years for a reason. This reply strikes me as extreme and unhelpful for the OP who I assume is asking for advice or venting.

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