(Closed) been waiting for a proposal and I have no more patience!! need some advice pls

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Hmm… Did you ever talk about timelines and expectations? He could have meant eventually or he could be stringing you along. More info please!

Btw so sorry you’re going through this…

Post # 3
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee

melissa84:  

It’s natural I felt like this for a while until I realized it was starting to poison my feelings for my SO. I know the only thing keeping him from proposing sooner is saving up for the ring I want which is alot to ask because I am done with school but he is not (nursing major which is time consuming so he can’t work until he graduates). I tried showing him less expensive rings in hopes he would propose sooner but he reufsed saying he wouldn’t settle. I used to let it get to me but I trust him and I don’t want to force or ruin any proposal surprise. Just take a deep breath and remember patience will pay off (which sucks hearing when you are impatient I know but its true). 

Post # 4
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I completely agree that it can spoil the relationship. I waited a few months once i knew he had a ring and it was only a small time but by the end i was exhausted with the guessing and the worrying that i almost didn’t want him to. I started thinking it wasn’t worth feeling so bitter about. The only advice i could give on this is to have a serious chat about your future together. A positive one about how much you love him and commited you are and ask him flat out where he stands. Tell him that you feel it is time that you get engaged and that you would really like to hear his side. good luck its a horrid feeling. x

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

melissa84: he’s been taliking the talk without walking the walk for more than 1/2 your relationship. 

If you’re unhappy, you can only change what you want or what you do. 

Post # 8
Member
48 posts
Newbee

 

melissa84:  I’m sorry, bee, it sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. Nothing has changed. If he still needs more time, it’s because he still isn’t sure you’re “the one” or knows you’re not but nothing better has come along yet. You deserve so much better than this. Aren’t you miserable waiting for him to decide that you’re good enough to marry? I think you need to put some thought into whether he’s good enough for you, especially since he’s stringing you along. How much longer are you willing to wait and waste feeling this frustrated and sad?

It’s 9 months past your original post. So you’ve been together almost 5 years and he’s been telling you “soon” for 4 years. In what world is 4 years soon? He makes plans to go ring shopping and cancels last minute. He knows he’s hurting you and hasn’t done anything to rectify it.

In your other post you said you think he’s scared of committment. You also said that you would leave this season if he doesn’t propose, yet you didn’t. I think he is calling your bluff and knows you won’t leave, so you end up having the same maddening conversation over and over where he tells you what you want to hear “soon” and then does exactly what he always does which is nothing.

You deserve a man who knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and can’t wait to propose! Good luck, OP. I wish you the best!

Post # 9
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Sounds like he is dragging his feet. I personally didn’t do the whole waiting thing, we just decided to go get a ring and declared our engagement that day because that’s just how we are, low key no nonsense. Not the most romantic to some but works for us. Anyway, my point is if he really wants to marry you it’s simple and he seems to be dragging his feet and very hesitant.

Post # 10
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was with someone for over 9 years and after he began to deploy with the military and leave me to deal with the homes that we owned together and everything else, I told him I needed that piece of paper (They wouldn’t even notify him that I’d had a health emergency because we weren’t married). He wouldn’t step up and always had stupid reasons. I had enough and left.

Now, I’m marrying a man (this week!) who told me he was going to marry me after we’d been dating a month, bought a ring when we’d been together 6 months and proposed at 11 months because I wasn’t going to move in with him without a comittment. 

Night a day. I don’t think your Boyfriend or Best Friend is going to marry you. You might have to really think about what you want and then lay it on the line to him.

Post # 11
Member
6864 posts
Busy Beekeeper

melissa84:  You could have gone shopping anyway, if only to get a better sense of what you like. Did he set a date/time with this diamond dealer friend of his?

You are in your early 30s? Do you want children? Is marriage important to you? Is it important to him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Would you go to the court house tomorrow and marry him? Would he do the same?

It seems time to have a serious heart-to-heart. If you are not in the same place, if you do not want the same things, it’s time to move on. If you do want the same things you may have to decide if you can accept that your SO just isn’t into all of the romantic formalities. Best wishes, Bee.

Post # 12
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

melissa84: my advice still holds. Either change wanting to marry him or find someone who wants to marry you and that you want to marry. 

He’s not acting like someone who wants to marry you. 

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

It certainly sounds like he is draggin his feet. I can understand why you would not want to leave him given your age and I am only assuming you would like a family too. It could be hard to meet someone else and who knows, you could have the same problem! 

If I were you, I would sit him down and discuss a time line. Not just any time line, a “I am booking a venue so you need to propose by XX/2015 if you want a future with me”. Some times men need a kick along!!!

Post # 14
Member
11115 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

So, he suddenly has a friend who’s a diamond dealer, about whom you’ve heard nothing until now, who is going to bring you a batch of diamond engagement rings to peruse at some date uncertain?

Does that sound just the least bit preposterous to anyone else?

I am sorry, Bee, but I think it’s past time to let this one go.

Post # 15
Member
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

 

melissa84:  Have you ever met this friend before? Sounds suspicious.

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