- 5 years ago
Hi dear bees,
I would appreciate if someone that has actually gone through something similar can tell me how it worked out for them in the end.
I adore the ground my boyfriend (3.5 yrs) walks on. After dating bunch of douche bags, I finally met someone normal, someone who i loved with all my heart, someone who reminded me of myself so much that it made me wonder how it was even possible. I always wanted him to propose (about a year after dating, i knew i wanted to be with him forever, so that’s when i brought up engagement, marriage, etc..,)he always said he did not want to rush into it and that he wanted to take some time. Eventually, he started talking about it around last september, started talking long term goals, kids, house, marriage, etc.., and all of a sudden, i became nauseated, i felt suffocated, didnt know if this was the right thing, i started questioning if i really loved him , etc.., it got to a very bad point where i could not even be around him anymore. (but at the same time, i could not stay away from him… if that makes any sense) when i told him how i felt, he immediately nroke things off with me saying i hurt him so much, and that hes never felt so let down before, which literally tore me apart. I went throug major depression, dropped 10 pounds. I wanted to be with him and at the same time i wasnt sure. Anyway, we said we would work things out ( since i could not stay away from him no matter how hard i tried)
we’re still taking things slow, my anxiety is still pretty bad, but nothing compared to what it was before, i still have my moments of “omg, i feel suffocated” but they are not AS BAD. my parents literally adore him and my mom tells me that if i lose what i have, i will end uo regretting big time, which i would absolutely hate. and the weird part is, i always regret not listening to my mom.ALWAYS. I also have a few friends who walked away from great relationships and even thought its been years, they regret not sticking around with their ex boyfriends/fiances.
I come from a very close family ( i am 28 and only child) my parents still baby me ( which i hate) I am not really independent as i still live with them and they do pretty much everything for me. I work and have my own income, but thats as independent as it gets. MY bf, on the other hand, is living alone and is extremely independent, smart and intelligent so i am not sure if the reason why i feel terrified is because i have never been on my own and am afraid of this huge transition? (my bf was talking about wedding, the ring, etc..,)
I am sorry, i am literally all over the place. I just want to know if any of you went through this anxiety but once you got married, things just went back to normal? I miss being happy and feeling head over heels. is it possible? (i have been feeling this way since mid september, then it actually went away completely, and then BOOM, hit me full force in december, thats when i told my bf about my feelings) so we have just started to work things out for the past 2 months and I do have ot admit that i feel better little by little, and have my bad moments sometimes. IS IT EVEN GOING TO GO AWAY? I want to be happy if not 100% of the time, then 70% of the time.
Dear bees, please help.
Thank you SO MUCH