Post # 1
Sorry this turned out to be longer than I intended! I really needed to let someone/anyone know how I’m feeling…
I had a good paying job in insurance that I absolutely HATED! So, with FI’s support I made the decision to quit my full time job and go back to school full time to get my Masters in Educational Psychology: Cognition & Instruction. Fiance & I got engaged in February 2011, we didn’t want a long engagement (we’ve been together 6+ years), so I’m planning a wedding while getting my Masters fulltime on a Graduate Assistant’s (GA) salary.
With the wedding 5 months away (YIKES! time flys) I feel like I’m loosing my mind. The plan was for me to get most of my planning done last summer, before school started and during winter break. But nothing went according to planned. Now I feel like my stress level is a 15 on a 1-10 scale, and as a result I’m starting to fall behind in some of my classes. Also due to my high stress level, Fiance & I keep getting into stupid little arguements about nothing! This is mostly my fault because I feel like I snap at him for breathing sometimes & for just wanting to be goofy with me. We never argued this much before so its really starting to bother me. I should mention that Fiance & I are living w/ his parents to save $, which is really not that bad (his parents are amazing), but there isn’t enough space for both of us & our things.
On top of school and wedding planning, my sister (MOH) & Future Sister-In-Law (BM) are both expecting their 1st child anyday now (FSIL actually went into labor this morning! & my sis is due March 12th). I mostly planned, funded & hosted my sister’s baby shower because my mom is clueless when it comes to these things. I really wanted to throw her the shower she deserved because she’s been there for me all my life, so I went all out. That was another source of stress, but thank God the shower has come and gone. All this stress has caused me to gain 12 lbs & my wedding dress is now a bit tight. More stress! (I signed up for a 1/2 marathon in June so the weight should be gone by then… hopefully)
My grades were really good last semester, despite the wedding planning & having a boss from hell. My advisor got me a GA working for him this semester, which is 10x better & less stressful. But now I’m getting consumed by wedding planning, and thinking I made the wrong decision to go back to school & 2nd guessing my concentration. My plan was to continue on to get my PhD & eventually become a professor, but now I just don’t know if that’s the right path for me! Yesterday I had a major anxiety attack over this.
I’ve been holding all this inside & not discussed it with Fiance because I don’t want him to be disappointed with the fact that I’m doubting this choice to go back to school. We made about he same when I worked full time but now I make half that & we’re moving into our own place in May, and he’s contributing more. I’ve always been independent & paid all my own bills so it’s hard for me to let him take care of me. More stress!
To my fellow bees in school: How did you balance it all?? I just don’t know how to cope!
Post # 3
@BlissfulMrs: Oh honey, Breathe!! Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to. What is the priority at this moment?
Post # 4
Are you doing a lot of DIY that requires a lot of time? Do you have the major stuff booked? Just step back and look at the most current deadlines. Most likely it will be school… just deal with the first thing that comes your way. Weekly assignments, cross those off the list. When there’s spare time, do some wedding project.. .if not, you still have 5 months. Plenty of time!! I was working full time, 2 night classes for my engineering masters, housing hunting and wedding planning. Just attack things in the order at which the deadlines come to you. And dont put off sleeping and eating well… that jsut makes me feel even worse about myself and the whole situation.
Post # 5
I was working full-time and going to graduate school part-time while I was planning my wedding. And my husband was doing the same thing! You can definitely do it! Just step back and inventory everything — 5 months is plenty of time! And give some tasks to your Fiance if you havent already 😉
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2012 - Private Residence
Hey there! You are not alone. I am 6 months away from our wedding and 4 months from finishing internship. I find that when I think about the huge BIG picture and everything I have to do, I get completely overwhelmed, like you mentioned. To think of all there is to do in such a short period of time is just too much!
My only advice is to try not to think of everything you have to do, but break things down, and don’t worry about the career for now. It sounds like you can get through the wedding, and the summer, and then worry the PhD route and that. And most importantly, what are you doing for fun/stress relief? FI has to remind me all the time to take time to do something I like (running/cooking), but he’s right, we all need a break, so don’t forget to relax a little! Good luck!
Post # 7
You are not alone! I’m in grad school too and it’s tough balancing it all. Especially when the financial siutation is abysmal. I feel your pain! ((hugs))
Post # 8
I feel your pain! I am working a full time job, a part time job and going to school part time! Luckily I graduate in May. I barely have time to sleep/think nevermind spend time with fiance or friends! My Fiance and I fight all the time because im never around or im always stressed. Just think theres a light at the end of the tunnel. it wont always be like this! You are doing something great and it will all come together in the end =) Good luck!
Post # 9
I feel your pain! I’m finishing up my Master’s degree and we’re getting married in June. Fiance is also finishing up his Master’s. He is at a school that is 5 hours away, and won’t be back until the start of June (so, about 3 weeks before we get married). I am also a teacher, so work has also kept me busy. When I feel overwhelmed, I take that cue to sit in front of the TV or go work out (if sitting still isn’t helping). While I’m sitting, I’ll make a list of things I’m worried about. I then write down each one’s due date and then write myself a schedule. That seems to help me refocus on what needs to be done now and what can be put off a little.
Taking time for yourself is important! I also find that exercise does help me. I’m not a big exerciser, but even after 20 minutes walking on a treadmill, I do feel a lot better. I also notice that I tend to freak out more when I’ve been eating poorly. Also, let your Fiance know what’s going on. It was hard for me to tell my Fiance what was stressing me, but he was very understanding. It actually felt better to tell him, because I would catch myself lashing out at him for no reason.
I hope everything goes well! I know I’m looking forward to our honeymoon, where a lot of the stress will be gone (or, we’ll be looking at different stressful things) and we can take a break from it for a week.
Post # 10
It is OKAY to feel this way. I’m pretty sure the point of grad school is to make you feel like s*** and everyone feels overwhelmed (even if they don’t show it to you!).
I went through the same thing 2 years ago. My then-boyfriend worked full-time and I was in my 1st year of my MS. I was super broke and he paid for everything but my rent. At the time, I felt terrible about it, but in a marriage its never going to be equal 100% of the time- its about compromise and being generous to one another.
I’m still in school and working now, all while trying to plan my wedding so I totally understand what you’re going through. I handle it by day-dreaming of being done with school, cooking, and (sometimes) working out.
Oh, and you said you’re not sure about getting a PhD now. I switched my thesis track halfway through after I had anxiety attacks for 1 whole year with my old advisor. After I switched, they went away, and I really believe its because I finally did what was right for me and stopped worrying. Take time out and really think about what it best for you before committing to something that could make you miserable. Hope this helps a little!
Post # 11
I too am finishing up my doctorate after a year off. Health issues caused financial issues and I had to sit out, but I am back with a vengeance and hope to knock it out in 6-8 months. My Fiance is encouraging and helping to pay for two of my last courses He has seen the level of dedication it takes when I am in writing mode. Planning a wedding and studying and working is extremely difficult but we are BEES and we can do it! Hang in there all!
Post # 12
You and me both! I have to finish my MA thesis by May and am getting married in August. I definitely went out and bought invitations tonight instead of writing Chapter 2. Oops.
I don’t think you should give up on all your schooling yet, though. At least wait until after the wedding to decide whether you want to go the PhD route. (I’m starting mine in August!)
Post # 12
And even a triple! Dang WB!
Post # 13
Like some other bees said, try to do a little something that grounds you every day. It doesn’t have to be much or take more than 5 minutes.
I don’t have a lot of great advice because I basically feel overwhelmed all the time… wedding is in just over three months and I’m in vet school. I really need to be studying right now… but I just wanted to say that you’re not alone, and like islandbabes said we can do this!
Post # 14
I’m in graduate school. Halfway to my PsyD (Clinical Psych. version of a PhD).
All I can stress is SELF CARE – SELF CARE – SELF CARE. It is vital to my own sanity. Schedule in down time to go to the park, take a nap, go out to eat with your fiance, etc. It is not taking time away from your studies – it is giving your brain the rest it needs to continue to function at an optimal level.
Also, is there anything you can step down from or do less? I know I’m trying to switch my GA to another department because my current supervisor is awful.
Good luck to you – take a deep breath!