(Closed) Bees HELP! Should I be mad about this?! (sorry it might be long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would be totally upset. He said he was going with you, you told your family, your family has made plans, etc.

I gotta be honest- the boy sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. His Boyfriend or Best Friend can wait on their “tradition”. At some point, your SO has to come first. I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t sound like he’s at that point yet.

Post # 5
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would be so pissed I cannot even begin to describe it.  I would honestly be considering just walking away from him.  I have no idea how your relationship is, so that may not be something you should even consider, but I would certainly be upset enough to do so.

Post # 6
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thanksgiving and Christmas are about family.

Not about smoking illegal drugs with your buddy.

Honestly, if it were me, it would be family or the highway. I wouldn’t tolerate it. Legalize it, that’s fine. But i’m not cool with my husband acting that way, ever.

Post # 7
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be pissssssed!  Being in a relationship is about sacrifice.  Both him and his mom should realize that.  Since he decided to do Thanksgiving with his fam, it makes sense that he would do X-mas with you. 

I would have a serious conversation about your expectations in the relationship when it comes to holidays.  And to committments more broadly.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
9108 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Good grief.  How old is this guy?

If one of our dogs ran away, Darling Husband would do nothing else until he found our beloved dog.

At least you are well aware of bf’s priorities.  If this is what you want, so be it.

Post # 9
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

there is but one word – unacceptable. feel free to substitute immature, selfish, disrepectful, to you and to your family.

wheww, was that harsh? i’m sorry, but it sounds as though you are intelligent, thoughtful and completely aware of others around you whereas he seems… undeserving of such awesomeness.

good luck!

Post # 11
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am trying to remind myself “Clearly MissHoneyBun’s SO has some redeeming qualities, or she wouldn’t be with him!”, but this behavior would be hit-the-road worthy to me.  I feel like your guy is being incredibly selfish. 

I don’t know how long you guys have been together, but I very firmly believe that when a couple becomes serious, compromise has to come into the picture, and he just doesn’t seem like he’s willing to do that.  I don’t care that “pot time” is time that he spends with his friend–at the end of the day, he’s choosing to get high rather than spend time with you.  From other comments you made (about him replenishing his stash) it is clear that this is not just a “special occasion” thing and is an actual problem.

Outside of that, saying he was going to go to christmas with you and then yanking that out after talking to his parents is just kind of obnoxious, and I would be pissed.  I could understand if he maybe wanted to try to split Christmas and do half-and-half with your families (or maybe one on Christmas Eve, and the other on Christmas Day?), but the fact that he is once again trying to fit Boyfriend or Best Friend and pot in over you is just ridiculous.

Obviously, this is just a small snapshot of your relationship and based on it I would never tell you to leave him/make an ultimatum/whatever…but I would explain to him that you’re really hurt and disappointed that he chose to break his plans with you (on Thanksgiving) to get high and that now he’s reneging on Christmas as well. 

Now that I’ve written a novel: You are not overreacting. I would be mad (freaking irate, actually) too.

Post # 12
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, I would be angry if I were you. My husband and I don’t spend Christmas together (we’ve never spent a Christmas together), but we’re both totally fine with that, and its due to family obligations/issues – not to plan to smoke pot.

That sounds either immature, selfish, and/or the behavior of an addict.

Post # 13
Member
9108 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@MissHoneyBun:

Terrible feeling! But pot comes first to your bf.  Ugh.

Post # 15
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with everything else that has been said in this thread.  He sounds incredibly immature and thoughtless and you have every right to be pissed.  To me his pot habit is alarming – I’m all for legalization, too, but it sounds like he DEFINITELY puts marijuana first, and that’s just not good.  I was in a serious relationship with a guy like that once and it was just bad, all around.  My brother was in a serious car accident and was in a coma and the ONE time I called my boyfriend and asked him to come to the hospital with me, he couldn’t…because he was out buying weed.  When I read your post it reminded me so much of that inconsiderate ex of mine. 

I guess the two of you need to seriously discuss your relationship – goals and needs and all that crap. Maybe he’s not the right guy for you.  I hate to say that but if he can’t change his ways than you definitely deserve better.

Post # 16
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh my, Im really sorry youre going through this! I Would be livid!!! There where would definitely be fighting over this. I dont know whether its worse that he told you he was coming and now hes not or that hes not coming to be with his best friend. I would definitely have a conversation with him ASAP that I am not okay with that! I’m sorry 🙁

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