- 7 years ago
Right now I’m trying to figure out if this is a big deal because it IS a big deal, or because it’s a big deal to ME. Does that make any sense?
I will try to condense this as much as possible-but some details are important.
SO and I did not spend Thanksgiving together. We wanted to but in the end I decided to go be with my family (two hours away)–mostly due to him not even considering splitting or going with me. It was his tradition or none. That’s fine. I didn’t wanna not be with my family, either. But what tipped the scales for me was his post-meal tradition of hanging out with Best Friend and (favorite pastime) smoking pot. They do this every Thanksgiving (note: we have been together a while, but this is the first time we’ve been “serious” around the holidays). He basically said that while I’m welcome at the meal, he would then have to go hang out with Boyfriend or Best Friend (i.e. kindly eff off). So you can see why I said no thanks–I’ll go see my family. I was working black friday so I had to drive back home after festivities, and with roommate gone I was alone. He said he’d like to come over and see me after Boyfriend or Best Friend time, so I timed my leaving my family to the time when he’d be done with Boyfriend or Best Friend. I actually ended up putting it off by about an hour and a half, which I worried would leave him hanging. So I arrive home (9:00 pm at this point), call him to tell him I’ve arrived, figuring he’s been waiting, and he doesn’t answer. He texts me a little later to say sorry he missed me, he JUST GOT TO BFs. Like five hours after he said he was going. He did end up coming over still but it was around midnight. Had I known that I might have spent a few more hours with my family (whom I hardly ever see).
(omigosh this is already a novel…I’m so sorry!)
Fast forward to now. This past weekend SO agreed to go home with me for Christmas! Very exciting. Big deal, right?? I let my parents know, etc etc. I had told him he was welcome, but tried to not pressure. (In hindsight, he says, he agrees because I gave him such a hard time about not being with me for my mom’s bday this past weekend. I ended up not even going myself due to illness. hmpf.) He also said that since we did Chanukkah up big this year (SO is Jewish, and I am converting) that xmas wouldn’t be a giant celebration, and that his parents sometimes go away for xmas, so “screw it” basically. He’d go with me! I call him last night to tell him I’ll be off work a LOT earlier than I thought xmas eve, so yay! we don’t have to drive two hours and get there at 2am! “Oh…yeah…need to talk about that.”
Apparently his mom called him yesterday and was super excited about “santa coming.” Like SUPER excited. Note: She told me before tgiving (FMIL and I have a good relationship, thankfully, that she didn’t care where we went. We’d split things around and figure it out like everyone else out there). So now he feels like he needs to be with his family. ALSO–BF called and reminded him of their holiday afternoon “tradition.” Well that was really the icing on the cake. Please, cancel plans to be with me at Christmas so you can smoke pot with Boyfriend or Best Friend. THANKS. He also informed me that mutual friend of him and Boyfriend or Best Friend (who is a lot closer to Boyfriend or Best Friend than SO) is sick sick and they wanted to spend Christmas with him to try and cheer him up. I like both Boyfriend or Best Friend and other friend a lot, and I want OF to be better–but you made plans with me. Go see him the day before. Go see him the day after. Boyfriend or Best Friend will be with him on xmas.
Basically we had a huge fight (or, *I* had a huge fight about it) when he really didn’t expect me to be that upset about it. It came down to not only his trying to back out, but his serious addiction with pot. NOW–I’m not against pot at ALL. Legalize it. Tax it. Let’s use that money for some good (cause we know it’s not going away)! But when you cannot. be. without. it? That’s a problem. For instance–one time I was horribly upset (dog ran away. unrelated) and SO was being super sweet and comforting me, then realized his stash was empty–and had to LEAVE to get some!? That’s a problem, folks.
And then, at the end, he threw this stuff my way about the root of the issue being me applying to grad school, and not knowing how this is going to work, etc etc. Long distance stuff, me not wanting to live in this town (I hate it, bees) because I want a career elsewhere. I thought we had worked through this, and here it comes again. UGH.
So–to end something that’s probably unnecessarily long, what do I do about Christmas? Would you be upset?