(Closed) Bees HELP! Should I be mad about this?! (sorry it might be long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would kill him and then I would dump his ass. I’m so sorry OP Frown

Post # 48
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

@finnaroo:

Oh, I think he sounds committed all right.  To his pot, that is.

Post # 49
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like your SO isn’t ready to stand up to his Mom and tell her that he wants to be with YOU and your family for Christmas, since he had already promised YOU.  You guys aren’t engaged or married, but he did tell you he would spend that holiday with you.  About the pot, it seems that it’s interfering with his life and bothering you as well which is not OK.  If you guys had kids, would you want him running off to smoke with them around?  Past precedence is indicative of future behavior.  Just because you guys get engaged/married doesn’t mean that he’ll start compromising and smoking less.

Post # 50
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

Like the others stated, your S.O must have lots of great qualities to balance out/overshadow these bad ones, so i am trying to keep an open mind (based on your op? I would be once bitten/twice shy with this guy (The TGiving thing? okay.. then the Christmas one? Hmmmmm)

Question… did you know he smoked this much pot before you started dating?  If yes, was it ever an issue before?

Post # 52
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MissHoneyBun,

That was kind of my point. The way you set it up made it sound like people placate his mom because she’s a typical “Jewish Mom.” And by making decisions to keep his mom happy, your boyfriend is enabling that behavior. Of course he should own his own decisions, which you say he does, but it does speak to a *very* common dynamic that girlfriends/wives hate, when your man is a momma’s boy. He would rather please his mom than you for Christmas this year, that is what his actions are saying.

I think you should absolutely drop it for this Christmas–let him do whatever, and see what happens when you guys see each other again after the holidays. I feel for you because I had a long relationship with a guy who behaved like yours–in one minute says he could never do X (move, marry, have kids, etc), but in the next minute says how much he loves you and wants to be with you. It’s agonizing, I know.

Post # 53
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MissHoneyBun: reading your update, i really think that yes, it’s totally totally reasonable to be mad about christmas. but he’s shown he’s not fully commited, so no matter how mad you are, it’s not going to change the situation. it sounds like you’re putting more into the relationship than he is, and you’re going to keep getting hurt if the status quo doesn’t change. i think you should focus on what’s best for you–grad school, your family for the holidays, etc. if you’re not on his priority list, take him off yours.

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