- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
My sister met a guy online and has been dating him on and off for a while. He lives out of state and is a little older than her. A lot of things are shady about him and we have tried over and over and over to get her to see he isn’t who he says he is, but it just doesn’t work. This is a conversation we had tonight, fair warning is has some strong language and I apologize if that offends anyone. It is also long. (M is me, C is my sister, E is the guy):
M: So why hasn’t E sent you a picture?
C: Couldn’t tell you.
M: What does that mean?
C: I don’t know why he hasn’t M.
M: Did you ask?
C: I did ask. He said he would and he didn’t. He says it’s not my birthday.
C: It’s not…
M: Not what?
C: My birthday.
M: So??! Wtf does that matter? You asked on your birthday!
C: No, I didn’t.
M: Sorry, next day.
C: It wasn’t the next day.
M: Are you fucking serious? Are you really fucking serious right now?
C: M I agree with you.
M: Then why are you just going along with this?
C: Because it’s not a big deal, it’s just a happy birthday sign.
M: It is a big deal! You’ve never seen a just snapped photo of him or video or anything!
C: (Sends to two pictures of guys who look similar)
M: What are those?
C: Pictures of E.
M: Oh yeah? That he sent from his phone to your phone?
M: Where are those from then?
C: He sent them to me on fb.
M: 1. Which he could have pulled off the Internet. 2. C, if he doesn’t mind sending you those why can’t he snap one with his phone and send it?
C: 1. I did an image search on it. 2. He doesn’t have picture mail.
M: 1. That doesn’t give you everything. It could easily be a friend, brother, or, heaven forbid, son. 2. Oh really? He and his parents have all this money and he spends all this time texting and calling you but no pic mail?
C: 1. You think I don’t know all that? 2. M, why do you keep pushing this? I’m happy with him.
M: Because he’s obviously LYING to you!
C: Some parts are shady, yes, but I do believe that is him.
M: Then why can’t you find his school? Why can’t he Skype or send you a sign? Why won’t he let you see him? Why does he refuse to meet your family?
C: He goes to (insert school). He doesn’t need to send me a sign when he sent me the picture of him and Paisley (a dog he adopted “for her”, a black lab btw, which all look extremely similar). We live far away from each other, it’s hard to meet up with our schedules, and he doesn’t refuse to meet my family.
M: C. Ask him to send you a SIGN and I’ll drop it. One that says YOUR name. Spelled correctly. (She has a common name with a letter missing, makes it harder for him to find a random picture on the Internet)
C: We’ll see.
M: For me? For Mom? For your family? The ones who really love you? It takes two seconds. Could be sent via email.
C: I’ll ask but I bet he’ll just keep putting it off.
M: Then why are you putting up with it??! Why are you hurting the people who really love you to protect the person who is lying to you?! We are asking one simple thing that he could accomplish in five fucking minutes C. Forward these texts to him. Let him know I think he’s a coward, fake, and a liar who doesn’t care about anything but his sick, twisted fantasy. Tell him what I ask for is not outlandish. Tell him to man up and prove he actually cares about you. Tell him if he does this I’ll take it all back and accept him with open arms. MAKE him work for you. Realize you deserve better!!!
C: M, I’ll ask but I’m not promising anything.
M: C. Please. Open your eyes. Wonder why the man who “loves” you won’t do this one simple request from your SISTER.
C: I’ll ask.
M: If he will lie about a picture, something so simple. What else is he lying about C? I mean, just think about that.
C: I’ll ask him.
M: That’s all you have to say?
C: What else would you like me to say? Everything you’ve said has gone through my head.
M: So why?
C: Why what?
M: Why do you stay with him?
C: 1. Because I love him.2. Because he makes me happy, because I enjoy time with him, because he knows me well, because he supports me. There is [sic] a million reasons.
M: And you could have all that and so much more with someone you could see, hold, and know. Someone who isn’t shady and lying.
C: But I don’t want it with anyone else.
M: Because you haven’t TRIED!
C: I love you sis. I’m going to bed. I don’t need to try with someone else. I’m with someone.
M: No, you’re with a liar and a fucking illusion. And your family is getting hurt. And you don’t care.
We’re still talking but it’s getting pretty private. Basically I’m telling her I don’t want her to go through what I went through. I was in a really abusive relationship and I don’t want to see her do the same thing. Anyone have any ideas of what to say? How to help the situation?