(Closed) Bees, I have a situation, and I’m stressing over it badly! (Kinda long!)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First off, I’m sorry you’re in such a stressful situation, but I think that what you’ve done is best: don’t ask for or expect any money from him and leave him out of everything until he starts acting even remotely like a father. If he improves his behaviour in a couple months, then consider inviting him, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.


Post # 4
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010


Your dad’s behavior is pretty selfish, and I think you’re absolutely right when you say he’s being manipulative. 

We had a very similar situation with my Father-In-Law, and I remember how much the constant back and forth frustrated my Fiance.  It wasn’t quite as difficult as what you describe, but it still sucked and I’m sorry you’re being jerked around like this.

My .02 would be to invite him to the wedding for the sake of keeping the peace, but don’t feel obligated to have him walk you down the aisle if the idea makes you sad or angry.  If you do decide to have your brother do the honors, warn your dad in advance so he can get any tantrums out of his system now.  He’ll probably be upset, but you’re not required to make allowances if he behaves like a toddler.  The day is about you, not him.

Even if he does get all huffy before the ceremony, it won’t be the end of the world.  My ILs spent most of our reception arguing and sulking in corners.  It was unfortunate that they behaved that way, but at some point we just decided to ignore it and just enjoy the company of our other friends and family members.  And I don’t think anyone even remembers how they acted six months later.

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, first of all I wouldn’t expect any $ out of him and after the behavior he has displayed towards you, your Mom, your biological brother and your wedding I would definitely not have him walk me down the aisle. That’s a big honor that isn’t automatically given to someone just b/c he is a father. He knows he’s wrong and doesn’t want to admit it or apologize so he’s just acting like he didn’t get your email and has no idea why you are mad. REal mature.

Sorry you are going through this..

Post # 7
302 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry this is happening to you.  It is always especially hard when it is an immediate family member.  You are doing the right thing, being strong about it.  I’d say just dont do anything else.  You said your piece, don’t even invite him unless he talks to you first.  If he can’t even talk to you then I dont think he deserves to be there, esp if he was manipulating you guys.  Just my opinion

Post # 8
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My first reaction was you shouldn’t expect money out of your parents, but after reading the entire story and his behavior towards you it may just be best not to invite him. He sounds like a dark spot in your otherwise bright world 🙂

   Unfortunatley, anyone can be a parent in this country. Some people are genuinely not cut out for it. It irritates me he’s doing this to you and your mother- and I’d love to kick him in the butt. Your mom never should have removed the money and left his 401k in limbo 🙂



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