- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Me and my dad use to be close, not super close like some daughters are with their dad’s, but close enough. My parents seperated when I was 11 and divorced when I was 14. Well I lived with my mom for those 3 years, and then decided to go live with my dad in the fall of when I was 14 (My birthday is in July, and I was having issues with my mom, which are resolved now.) Well basically when I was living with my dad, he bashed my mother, which kinda influnced my opnions on her and didn’t help me make my relationship with her any better. Basically said things like she’s deceiving, and minuplating makes you think you are crazy, by saying something else happened from what really happened, stuff like that. So I stayed with my dad till I was 18, then decided to go live with my bf at the time (now Fiance.) Well my Fiance lives like 10 mins away from my mom’s house, and my dad lives an hour away. So I worked things out with my mom from the time I was 18 to now. Okay fast forward to now, my relationship with my dad sucks. He is re-married and has two step sons (one lives with him and his wife (The stepson’s mom), the other still lives with his real dad.) Well my dad’s life revolves around them now. My brother has a son, and my dad missed his first Grandchild’s first birthday last Dec. because his step son had a hockey game. I have also had events going on that I have invited him too which he has never showed up too because he was at his step sons hockey game, and I just can’t understand how he can’t miss one of his step sons hockey games but he can ditch his real kids everytime. Okay so I get engaged August 15th 2009 in Philadelphia. I am super excited, and call all my family. My dad sounds super excited too. So a couple months later when I want to get into planning I thought it would be okay to ask my dad for some money. He asked me to give him a number and he would see what he would do. So I asked him if $6,000 would be alright, and he told me he would do $5,000. Alright so later he calls my mom and tells her to take her $5,000 out of his 401K so he can give me this money. My parents were married for 15 years, and my dad would not give my mom anything, took all of our furniture and everything, the only thing she got was $5,000 out of his $100,000 401k. My mom didn’t think that was fair, but was tired of him dragging the divorce out so she signed the divorce papers anyway. Well my dad’s 401k would stay frozen till she took her $5,000 out of it. So he couldn’t use any of the other money. So he basically told her if you don’t take your money out I can’t give our daughter $5,000 for her wedding and it will be your fault then. I told her she didn’t have too, and that I would not be mad at her if she didn’t. Well she did take the money out eventually because my dad made her feel guilty. Well 2 months later, my dad text messages me and says “I can only afford to give you $1,000. I am in so much debt with credit card debt, and lawyer fees from the divorce.) I was pissed. I was thinking well then why did you tell me you would give me $5,000 if you knew you weren’t going to be able to, but I tried to stay calm and understanding. Well we have gone to visit him, and everytime we try to make plans he tells me his is going on vacation. We saw him back in June at the end of the month. He was away at the beginning of June in Washington D.C. and tells me he spent $300 dollars on dinner one night. He was in Washington for a week. He went to the beach this August. Went to N.Y.C. back in the winter of 2010, and is planning on going away again. and has been back and forth to Russia for many years. (That is where my step-mother is from.) So I am pissed. I am thinking in my head, you can’t afford to give me $5,000 for my wedding like you said you would, because you have credit card debt and lawyer fees but you can afford to keep going on vacation, makes no sense to me. I know for a fact that he has spent well over $5,000 in vacations in 2010. So I e-mailed him a few months ago told him I did not want anything from him anymore, because I’m tired of him always taking it back from me. I told him I didn’t understand why he would say one thing then change his mind, or why he would say something if he couldn’t do it (and he can, he just doesn’t want to.) So I deicided until he starts acting like my dad that I was not going to invite him to my wedding in June 2011. That thought made me sad, so then I was thinking about inviting him but not letting him walk me down the aisle (thinking of letting my older brother walk me down.) but then I was thinking he would probably cause a huge scene if I did that, but if I didn’t invite him my grandparents would probably say something, etc.
So what are your opnions bees?
I would like to add that in no way did I think I was entitled to that money or thought he should give me money. I asked, and was willing to accept any offer he gave. He said he would give $5,000. I am pissed now because he has taken that back. He told me all that tiime that I was living with him that my mom was minuplating, and I am thinking in my head now “Mom is minuplating, haha yea right. You are minuplating. You told mom that you would give me $5,000 if she took her money out of the 401k, and then you didn’t. If that is not minuplating, I don’t know what is. Then you tel me about how much money you spend when you are on your vacations. Don’t tell me you can’t afford it, you can, and if you can’t you are living way beyond your means, and are going into more debt by going on vacation all the time.” Also he had never e-mailed me back, and when my younger brothers goes to see him, my dad keeps asking him “Why is Ariel mad at me?” and I am so mad. Well if you would e-mail me back or read the e-mail I sent you then you would know! Stop asking Zach!
Thanks if you read all of that, haha.