I saw your PM to me, but I will just address this here since you have a post as well. So a few things…
Question #1 – Are the photos she provided to you in chronological order, i.e. do they begin at alishaloo_001 and end at whatever number they end at? Are there photos actually missing that you can tell from the way she numbered them? If there are numbers missing than perhaps something happened in her disc burning process and the photos you are looking for never got on. If however each photo is in a numerical order and there are no gaps that would tell me that she is passing this off as her finished body of work and is hoping you just won’t say anything about the things she missed.
So… what to do? I can’t see any photographer not providing the first kiss, family photos, or formals if they didn’t actually take them. This seems very weird, and you absolutely should inquire about them asap. Make your email short and simple-
Dear obviously amateur photographer who doesn’t have enough experience to be shooting weddings alone yet,
I noticed there are a lot of key moments missing from the photos you provided such as the first kiss, family photos, formals, (whatever else you want to add). Is it possible those shots didn’t get on your disc? Please let me know!
Maybe they have the photos that you need and something weird happened in the disc burn. Cross your fingers.
To address your question about rather it’s okay to ask for more, asking for RAWs, or being able to pick and choose. Well it’s absolutely okay to ask for a photo of a critical moment such as a first kiss, or from a whole series that was totally omitted. As far as selecting variations of shots they already provided… When people hire us to shoot their weddings they trust us to capture the moments that are important, and to choose which photos we take to be edited. Not only do I simply not have time to arrange logistically for a client to view unedited photos, that is also more time and labor for a service I’ve already provided. The work has been completely, and you’re asking for more. Obviously I never get this request because we don’t miss stuff like what your photographer missed. So it’s hard to say. I think if I were you I would concentrate on trying to find out what happened to these big chunks that are not represented. RAW files – no true professional ever turns over their RAW files to anyone without a background in photo editing, or without some sort of special agreement in place. If you can edit RAW files better than your photographer (and you are not a pro photographer yourself), THAT IS A PROBLEM. There is a whole host of reasons why as a photographer it is not in your best interests to have unedited work floating around in the hands of others.
This story sounds like an error of some sort happened, corrupt card, accidental deletion, battery goes out at a critical moment. Inexperienced photographers also tend to screw up large batches of images because of improper camera settings. There are a host of possible explanations. Be prepared for the worst, and go back to your contract and see what it says regarding the loss of images.
The lesson to the other bees is that great photographers do not always make great wedding photographers, and hiring someone at the beginning of their wedding career can be risky. You might save some money up front, and your images might be okay… but outcomes like these are common.