(Closed) Bees, I need your advice with an awkward situation!

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  Aw that is tough. Could you tactfully talk her out of applying for the position? I’m sure there are other jobs she’s more qualified for?

Post # 4
1348 posts
Bumble bee

Typically when a person is denied a position they don’t tell them if a person was to blame. You definitely need to be honest. Is there any fine print on the questionaire that explains the confidentiality of answers? You can also call the Sheriff’s Department  and use a different name if you have any questions about it. Her mom shouldn’t be involved in her hiring process as it would be a conflict of interest.

Post # 6
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  That’s a really tough situation.  🙁  How big of a city are you in?  Are there lots of other applicants?  Is her mom involved in the hiring at all?

Maybe you could call the police on her (anonymously) one night when you know she’s out driving drunk?  I would think that would disqualify her.

Post # 7
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just decline to be a reference for her.  I would just tell her that she should focus her references on people that are able to show her in the best light.

Typically police departments etc. have pretty stringent hiring processes, so hopefully everything will come out in the wash on her own.

I’m a civilian with a police department, and I had multiple interviews that asked me many of these questions to my face, and then some psychological testing.  I now supervise volunteer programs within the department and I’m pretty honest with my volunteers that I don’t feel I’d be the best reference for.

Post # 8
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

On your form, ignore the questions and just write “As so and so is my landlord, I do not feel that I am in a position where I could truthfully answer these questions without fear of personal discomfort”

Post # 12
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve had to fill out references for students. I only agree to be a reference for the ones I can happily recommend. 


But you didn’t ask to be this lady’s reference, so you’re stuck. I think you should fill out the form truthfully, but without exaggeration. There are probably multiple questions (at least 20, I am guessing), and some might be more important to them than others. Sheriffs don’t have to be teetotallers, for instance. She doesn’t have to get the 100% angel score to be considered. It sounds like you think she has a lot of problems and shouldn’t be a deputy, and you may as well say that. Alternatively, you can fill out the form truthfully and still say that you think she should be considered for the job! 

Post # 13
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  Strange.  I had to list all the people that I lived in with as well that were over 18, but it was more to do background on THEM, not me. 

Do you have to do the reference written and give it back to her to hand in as a package?  That’s what I had to to, collect them all and hand all 10 in en-masse, and then my references were called for in person interviews.  I would have a discussion with your roommate about it, and what she thinks you’ve observed of her behaviours.  I might not discuss the moodiness with her, but if she knows you see her drinking all the time, and having difficulty paying her bills those things are much more objective.  She can’t be expecting you to outright lie for her.  She may even face a lie detector in the near future to answer these questions again for a polygraph operator, or at least they’ll send her for an interview with someone who’s a trained interrogator.  Lying and getting caught is a quick way to be asked to never apply again.  Seems risky to me!

Post # 14
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

can you simply decline as a reference stating conflict of interest?

The topic ‘Bees, I need your advice with an awkward situation!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors