(Closed) Bees I need your input please…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you trust your husband, then where is the problem with the stripper? I totally get the, “I don’t want him looking at half naked women”, but aside from looking, nothing will happen if your husband is true, and if the stripper is of any moral character (Hint: Most of them are.)

While it may not be the idea, if your husband wants to go, I’d voice my concerns but I would ultimately let him go.

Post # 4
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think your husband needs to grow up and start learning what kind of people make decent friends.  His coworker is a sleazebag.

Post # 5
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

If you have a problem with him going he should respect that. You don’t have to be forced to accept him looking at other half naked women just to make him happy, he can have time with the guys in town WITHOUT strippers

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If your husbands co-worker is the type of man who feels the need to have a private stripper entertain him in a hotel room I wouldn’t trust him. A woman can have the utmost trust in her husband not to do anything that would jeopordize his marriage when he’s sober but when you add alcohol a persons inhibitions are lowered. I’ve known people to do things when they drink that they normally wouldn’t do. How many of us see the dance floor fill up when people have a few drinks? or a guy needs a couple of drinks to loosen up before he’d approach a girl?

I’m not implying your husband will do anything to hurt you but why would he even consider putting himself in a situation that obviously makes you feel uncomfortable. We all need to have fun, make new friends but to me my husbands feelings are way more important than any of my friends.

Post # 7
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Jacqui90:  

This. While I have no issues with strip clubs, he should respect your wishes. I don’t think you two are on the same page on what is considered acceptable in your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Hyperventilate:  A stripper in a strip club is nothing like a “private stripper” in a hotel room and apparently this married co-worker seems to think this is perfectly ok. I wouldn’t doubt he’d want to hire one.

Post # 9
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Ill Be Mrs B:  How so? Do you think she’s going to try to have sex with your husband or the other guests? I doubt that, truthfully, but a stripper is a stripper is a stripper. She’s paid to take her clothes off and dance for people. A private stripper may be a bit more intimate than she could be in a strip club, but still, at the end of the day, she’s just taking her clothes off for your husband.

If you’re afraid she’s going to try to sleep with him, your trust in your husband denying her should back that up.

Post # 10
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Just because I trust my husband not to have sex with some skanky stripper doesn’t mean I want him in a private hotel room or strip club with her. I think there is give and take in a relationship and when one half feels really strongly about a subject (like strippers) then there needs to be enough respect to go with that, it isn’t like she suggests barring him from ever doing anything with guy friends but a drunken stripper weekend away isn’t something she is okay with and I think as a SO he needs to respect that. Suggest other activities, or make Vetter friends!

Post # 12
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Jamergurl921:  You said it right there at the end…he’s lonely and wants some guy-friend time. Most of us can empathize with wanting something so badly that we get a little blinded. Unfortunately, you can’t be the one to pick and choose his friends for him. I say this as tough love, not as snark – your Darling Husband is a big boy and should be trusted to figure it out on his own. Hopefully, the coworker’s friends aren’t as douchy as he is, but the catch-22 is that his gateway to them is the coworker. At least for now. If they’re all immature, dbags then he’ll either drop them or be so desperate for guy companionship that he’ll put up with it for a while. 

I’m all on my own out here with Fiance. This is his hometown, and since I don’t have a job, I don’t get out too much or find many opportunities to find like-minded women to pal up to. When we first got engaged, I seriously considered asking Future Sister-In-Law to shop for dresses with me until I remembered that she’s not very nice on top of being incredibly high maintenance, so believe me, I understand what he’s feeling. IMO, share your reservations with your Darling Husband but leave it at that.

Post # 13
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

What is the purpose of the trip? You don’t go on an interstate trip with no plan at all. If it’s to see someone in particular in concert, then fine. If it’s camping, fine. If it’s just to hit the bars (let alone the strip clubs), not fine. Because married men don’t need to go bar hopping, in my book. Especially since you say Darling Husband has a habit of not holding his liquor well.

So get Darling Husband to find out what they plan on doing on the trip, then take it from there.

Post # 14
Member
8455 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Jamergurl921:  I would definitely voice your concern to your husband.  I agree with Paula1248, married men don’t need to be going to strip clubs for entertainment.  Honestly I’d be worried that these co-worker’s friends are going to be like-minded in their fondness for strippers.  Maybe you could compromise and host a poker night or game night at your house?  Have him invite these guys over, so that he can have some guy time in a safe, calm setting. 

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