- 5 years ago
So I’ve written about my SO and my relationship before. We are good for long stretches of time, and then something big would happen (at least in my eyes) that would leave me questioning whether I should call it quits. Unfortunately, we had another one of those moments on Monday. Without making this too long, We have been together for almost 5 years now, live together for 3 after two years long distance. We bought a house together also last year but were in a lucky position where we could pay cash – so no mortgage.
I’ve had some issues with his female friends being blatantly disrespectful. Last year we invited his BFF into our home to visit, and she walked around in a white see through tank with no bra on, in front of him. She moved here this year, and was very disrespectful and dismissive of the enter situation at which point I told him it was her or me. After a long lasting argument he chose me. But that’s not what this is about (at least I hope not).
Anyway, On monday, I called him when I was on my way home from work like I normally do, just to let him know I’m on the way, and see how his day was making out, as I was planning on cooking dinner and would have liked for us to eat together. He told me that he may be late because he’s busy, and when I asked what he was up to, he didn’t want to give me an answer. He works for himself, five minutes from the house. It was weird because normally he’ll say something like “I’m picking up a car from XYZ” or something like that without me even asking. But instead, when I asked he said, I’ll tell you later or I’ll call you back or something like that. So, I hear nothing from him and then get a text around 9:00 not to wait up because he’s watching the basketball game. Also, weird because he’s not really a text person and would usually just call and tell me that. So I call him, and ask him what’s up because he’s acting strange, and it turns into an argument probably my fault because I was boiling at his dismissiveness at which point he hangs up on me and doesn’t answer any of my calls (I called him back twice). We have had this kind of conversation before, I would say about a month ago when we just got done having dinner, and he said I’ll be right back, and then didn’t come home until past 11. Again, its not that he went out that is the issue but the communication. I suggested counseling after the first argument, he said we didn’t need counseling and he wouldn’t go.
So now, yesterday, I don’t hear from him all day and he comes in around 10 p.m. and doesn’t say anything to me. And, I leave for work at 7 and haven’t heard from him since pretty much Monday. I’m really frustrated, and feel really disrepected, and I’m 80% sure that I’m ready to move out and get an apartment, but I know that if I do that that will be the end of us. I keep trying to rationalize what I could have done differently but to be honest I don’t want to be in a relationship where my SO has a problem telling me where he is/going. Its not like I hound him all the time, and ask him to account for every minute.
Bees am I overreacting? I haven’t really made an attempt to reach out to him, because I feel like I’m always the one trying, and frankly I don’t think he feels as though he did anything wrong. The fact that he didn’t even come in until late yesterday, also makes me feel like he doesn’t care, and maybe I shouldn’t either. I made alot of sacrifices for this relationship, I moved out of state for him 3 years ago, left a job I loved and really awesome friends. I know he’s been frustrated lately with the amount of time we spend together but I HAVE TO WORK. I am gone 7-7 M-F (an have a two hour commute). He likes to wake me up for AHEM whenever he feels like it, and I’ve told him that does not work for me. He simply doesn’t get it because he works for himself, and can take breaks at his leisure. I also bring in around 70% of the income. Although we have not combined finances, I put in more in the pot towards bills/trips etc. not that I mind, but its not like I could just quit my job. I don’t know if any of these things are related, I sure hope not but I have a really bad feeling.
Am I overreacting? I need some advice. WWYD? I found a place, just having a bit of a hard time signing the lease. And no I have not spoken to him about it, but he hasn’t made an effort to reach out to me or come home at a reasonable time where we can talk.