Post # 1
I’m kind of a mess. I feel like I might have put myself in a really awkward position and I could use some advice.
The short of it is, I moved across the country to be with SO when he got into grad school. I’m not unhappy with this decision but in hindsight I wish there was a proposal stipulation (like I wouldn’t have made such a life altering choice without a serious commitment or timeline). At the time I didnt make my wishes clear enough because I didnt want to push or seem like I was issuing him an ultimatum. Since then though, I’ve made it pretty clear that I’d like to get engaged and be married (not in a naggy way, but in like a ‘lets be open and communicate way’)
However, the last few months have been hard. I feel like I think about it often and I get anxious, sad and nervous. Many friends have moved on in their lives and I feel so stuck. Its been 3 years, we are both 26. It just ‘feels’ right to me. What gives? Am I nuts?
The awkward situation is ‘vacation’ coming up. SO has a study abroad in Paris, France all of next month and I’m flying out there the last week to meet him. He makes subtle jokes about getting engaged, talks about how ‘romantic’ it will be; He’s hyped it up and now Im getting so anxious. I know for a fact that a major purchase has not been made, and he leaves for France in a week and a half. I’m TERRIFIED now that it wont happen.
I will obviously have to wait and see what happens in Paris. But what if NOTHING happens? I’m so scared I’m going to crushed and resentful beyond repair. What do I do? Move back home across the country? Start over? Be patient? Did I do this to myself? I love this man so much but I refuse to become one of those ladies whom in hindsight, wished they didnt wait so long.
Post # 3
@Clairedelune: I did the same! Moved across the country after 7 months. I wouldn’t change that but if I had my time over again I’d have done a house share with other girls. I moved for both work and him so it made it a bit less pressure. It will happen for you, 3 years is not that long at all. I laugh when ppl get engaged after months, each to their own, but both me and my SO were very clear at the start that we thought it was crazy how ppl get engaged so quickly. We will be together 3 yeara in August, and I’m waiting now about 7 months really. Anytime before this I would not have felt ready. And I’m 30 and he’s 33 so we have a bit more pressure time wise for a family and that.
has he made specific hints about proposing in Paris? It does sound like a great place for it to happen!
Post # 4
@Clairedelune: be patient! since he seems to be dropping engagment jokes every now and then, it sounds like he is really considering proposing in paris, if not, sometime after. how do you know he hasnt purchased a ring yet? try to enjoy your vacation together. if it doesnt happen then, i still dont think giving up is your best option. maybe have a talk afterwards to discuss your future and that you were disappointed he hyped it up?
keep us posted!
Post # 5
@Bettyboo1982: Thanks for the reply! He’s made some ‘hints’ that he will propose in Paris, but he also made the same type of hints during our anniversary, Christmas, my birthday, valentines day, and our last vacation… I think I’m suffering a bit of the Boy Who Cried Wolf feeling. Fingers crossed this will be a different situation.
Post # 6
@xskittles: Thanks. I think This post was written while I was a bit more emotional. I think I’m just struggling with being away from ‘home’ and I just want to establish a ‘home’ with him. I’m just a touch lonely too.
I think I will be patient and try to talk to him about it. I think I’m just at my wits end with waiting and hoping and being ‘faked out’ by his hints. 🙁
Post # 7
@Clairedelune: I was convinced last nov for my birthday SO was going to propose. We went to this luxury hotel where we had had out first official weekend away together! He was freaking we be there by a certain time! When we got there it was a suite not a room and when I went in there was a huge bunch of flowers. He then went to his bag and started to open it and said ” there’s one more thing” I swear I actually gasped out loud! I was thinking this is it! This is it! Then he said ” I’ve booked you into the spa for a treatment package”
my heart literally hit the floor. I was convinced he was dropping hints, like convinced! In fact his first comment when we got to the hotel was ” wow this would be a fab place to get married”
I did enjoy my weekend about at the same time it was tinged with disappointment. When we got home I said it to him. He said he did want to marry me but financially wasn’t ready yet. So I guess his ” hints” was just him being ready to marry me emotionally but not quite being their financially. A month later he gave me a timeline, unprompted.
so what I’m guess I’m trying to say is to not put too much pressure on special occasions or breaks away, it could very well happen but it might not. The fact he’s talking about it, is great but
Post # 8
@Clairedelune: If I were you, this is what I would do.. Have a GREAT time in Paris. Try my best not to have any expectations, but get swept away by being in a romantic city with your boyfriend.
If a proposal doesn’t happen, try not to be upset. But when you’re home, and calm, bring it up. Ask when he sees you getting engaged. Bring up the fact that he talks about it often, and it leads to disappointment for you. Let him know that you love and want to marry him, and just want to make sure you’re on the same page.
He could surprise you! Hopefully you will come home with a ring on your finger!
Post # 9
@Bettyboo1982: presses submit before I finished!
…… But guys work slower than us! He prob wants to have a perfect proposal and the right amount of money for the ring etc etc.
play it cool and if nothing happens after Paris just casually being it up. It’s fair if you’re in a committed relationship to have this conversation. The way I brought it up was in fits if crying telling him he didn’t love me! Lol not the most attractive thing to see!
I’m taking out all my thoughts on weddingbee and saying nothing to him! In fact I reckon he thinks I prob don’t want to get engaged anymore I’m staying quiet’
Post # 10
from my experience men dont even realise they’re ‘hinting’ at anything (i suspect its cause men dont read it anything usually, and are shocking at hinting too!!) where as us women can have a tendancy to over analyze anything-especially when its the E-ring/proposal!