(Closed) Bees Marrying/Married to Policemen

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 4
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

My husband has dabbled in Law Enforcement and my father was a police sergeant for 30 years, so I know all about family life and this type of work. It can be difficult at times, the long hours, working holidays, not being with the family. It can also be very taxing on him, my dad has high blood pressure and is cynical towards society. You have remember that he will start seeing the worst of the worst and that can take a toll on his personality/outlook on life. I dont want to say this to scare you, but it does happen. I have been around them all my life, not to mention I had about 30 other “dads” with all the other officers in the department. I belive this is a wonderful career choice, but its not the easiest. Every officer is different and I dont want to offend anyone by my comments. Its just my observation.

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Where in Colorado are you thinking about moving to? Becuase the Colorado Springs PD is on the verge of doing lay offs/pay cuts and it is really bad. I dont know how Denver or other counties are doing, but in Colorado Springs it is horrible. My fiance’s sister is a CSPD and her job is on the line.

Post # 7
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My father was a Detective, my brother’s a policeman, 2 uncles and 1 Aunt are NYPD/FDNY, 3 cousins are fireman…  (Man, I sound like Lisa in My cousin Vinny “­My fatha’ was a mechanic. His fatha’ was a mechanic…”) you get the jist.

It’s an awesome community to be a part of. It’s the same bond as say, military wives/families. Generally a firehouse or a (small) precinct acts similar to a family and you make life long family friends. I agree 100% with Miss Pinecone. When Fiance 1st started coming to family functions he was confused “I thought your mom only has sisters?” – there’s always like 15 “Uncles” at my parents parties – guys my Dad worked with on the force & have known since the 70’s. There was always someone to play with growing up and g*d forbid any of us kids get in trouble once we got older!! LOL

I have to agree with Miss Pinecone on the downside as well. Police are often the first people on the scene when there’s an accident – they see the worst of every situation in life, they face a lot of death, get caught in the middle of everything, and are generally the lowest paid of most civil workers. There’s immense honor in it, but it comes at a price too.

Please understand I have an incredible amount of pride for people on the job and I honor and respect the profession but I myself could never marry a cop or a fireman. It’s not about the danger or the hazards of the job (although those are fair points). I was lucky enough to be born after my Dad made Det. but my brothers remember Christmas mornings, b-days, soccer games and vacations, etc. without my father when he was a police officer & had to work. I remember my Dad having a radio at the dinner table on Thanksgiving. My brother had to work night shifts when he first started and so he’d have to sleep during the day – try that with 2 little kids in the house who have to, “be quiet, Daddy’s sleeping”.

My friend “Mary” and I used to have this conversation all the time. She came from the same bkgrnd as I did. Her point was “I want to marry a _________ (fire/police) because it’s all I’ve ever known.” My point was that I didn’t want to, for the exact same reason. For the record — Mary married a guy who works in the FDNY. LOL

Post # 8
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Hey, I’m not married to a police officer, but my SO is a fireman who used the PD as a stepping stone for the FD. He was in it for 5 years, and his dad retired as a SGT for another department in our same city. I have also dated another cop before him, have 3 family members who are cops, and as someone who is also interested in law enforcement I have been around that crowd for a while now.

 

It is a good job, but like Mrs. Pinecone said, it is taxing at times. They see some horrible things and over time they form skewed perceptions of people and the world. It can get hard to deal internally with some of the things they deal with on a daily basis, so they have to have a way to let it go, and not bring it home. Some can be very cinical, some become controlling, some become aggressive, angry, etc..

Keep in mind that generally, people who are attracted to that kind of job are type-A, dominant people. Also, there is a high alcohol and divorce rate.

 

HOWEVER, like I said before, it is a good job, and if your SO doesn’t let it get to him, it can be very rewarding.

My advice to you is to be patient while he’s in the academy and during his probationary year. That will be his toughest time because he’s learning everything and the academy demands a lot. TALK about EVERYTHING. Allow him to vent his frustrations, support him, and remind him that you are there for him. I can’t stress talking enough. Here in our city, counceling (marriage and personal) are offered free to PD. Also, if you can, make friends with other wives/gf’s and form a support group. Be understanding of his time requirements. In the first few years, there won’t be a lot of options for him as far as requesting days off. You get what you get. You won’t have him around for a few holidays, but don’t blame him, just support him. You kind of have to go out of your way in the first few years to accomidate his schedule, but trust me, it’s worth it.

I hope that helped. I use to know of a forum that was for PD wives, if I can find it I will link you. 🙂

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