Post # 1
I’m having a HORRIBLE waiting day. I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years and a few months now. A girlfriend of mine from work that’s been dating for a little over a year just got engaged (and they are both mutual friends of ours). I’ve cried all day over this… Basically, how should I react to this with him? Should I just brush it off? Should I address it and be like “oh that’s nice”? How do I keep myself from becoming emotional? (This is after three sets of couples that we know just got engaged as well so he knows how much it affects me)
Post # 3
I don’t know how you and your Fiance are with each other, but when I’m in a situation similar to that, I’m like, “hey [event] happened. I’m really happy for them, but being a little more sensative about it than usual. Please don’t take it the wrong way.”
I also recognize that most people aren’t like me.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear this. =( I know how you feel, and remember feeling exactly the same way at the beginning of my waiting period. The best advice I can give is to talk to your SO about how you feel. Not nag him, or harass him about getting married, but maybe say “hey today is a rough day for me because of this, and it makes me think about our situation. Sorry if I’m not super chipper.” (or whatever)
You know best what works with your SO, and I know that there is the Shut-It-Up pact and such on the bee, but I’m a believer in communicating my feelings. I made the mistake of nagging for months, and now realize that there is a difference between nagging and communicating, and can actually talk about things like a normal person.
You could also of course just brush it aside, and focus on being happy you found someone as wonderful as your SO, but sometimes that doesn’t really work. Just remember that how you feel now is temporary, and that it will blow over soon. I’ve cried many, many tears over this, but have been in a better place the past couple of months and I hope you get there soon! Sending good vibes your way. =) *hugs*
Post # 5
…FOUR ENGAGEMENTS IS TOO MUCH!!!
At least for any reasonable woman to put up with…I don’t think I would say a word to my SO about it…you call your ladies, rally the troops, dust off your pumps, and make a plan to go to one of those pretentious bars of the moment with one word names like, “Quench” or “Cube” or “Condensation”..it doesn’t matter, what DOES matter is that they have wicked hot waiters and kickin cocktails, you are currently in need of both….you have yourself a little, “Not Engaged and Fabulous” celebration, not because your bitter or angry, or sad..but because THIS part of life is great too!
Post # 6
@Star7076: You should talk to him openly about marriage if it’s something that is really heavy on your mind.
Post # 7
We’ve talked about it ad nauseum for two years. He knows how much this kind of thing bothers me and he literally wriggles in his seat every time one of our friends mention engagement or marriage or any sort of thing 🙁 So I’m just wondering…in the past I’ve either cried and gotten angry…but does anything else really work?
Post # 8
@Star7076: If he wriggles in his seat, is he just not ready for a committment? Are you ready to spend years waiting? Being as “mature” and “encore” as I am, Fiance and I talked about marriage on our first date. Just so he’d understand where I was coming from. IMO, your Mr. Man seems a little gun-shy.
Post # 9
@Star7076: Think you should go with Nona99’s advice for tonight at least.
I don’t think either crying or getting angry work – sometimes a person needs space to figure themselves out, or something. 2 years is a LOT of space though, unless you’ve been crying/getting angry that whole time.
Post # 10
@Nona99: You should seriously have your own tv show or something – you always combine good advice and comedy!
Post # 11
I think you should tell him that a coworker if yours got engaged and that it makes you feel a little insecure/upset/whatever. He already knows this is the case if it’s happened before, but I don’t think it does anyone any good to bottle up their feelings regarding a very important issue.
Don’t get mad at him, but remind him that you’d really like to get engaged soon, as well.
On a side note, I never really freaked out about another person’s engagement until his mom (divorced a mere two years) got engaged in August to her boyfriend of 2 years (my Fiance and I had been dating for 5), and I distinctly remember crying. Hysterically. I was just so extremely hurt and pissed, I think I actually saw red.
I don’t think he understood what all the tears were about, and I don’t think your SO truly understands why you feel the way you do. Engagements seem to be more of a woman’s thing…so crying, rather than explaining why you feel a certain way, is not your best bet.
Good luck. I truly empathize with your pain — it’s one of the worst parts of waiting.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
If he is squirming in his seat whenever the terms “engagement” and “marriage” are brought up by anyone, he’s not ready, and no amount of crying or anger on your part is going to change that. Do you know why he is not ready yet? If not, that’s a conversation that you need to have in order to decide if it’s worth trying to hang in there until he is ready. If so, remind yourself that there are certain things he needs and that you are being an awesome partner in supporting his emotional needs right now.
In the mean time, I suggest a change of your mindset. Focus on everything that is good and right about your life right now, and go have yourself a kickass girls night (Nona99 had a great suggestion!).
Post # 13
I’ve felt this way. While SO and I were celebrating our anniversary I found out my good friend and her Boyfriend or Best Friend of just over a year got engaged. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown in front of SO. I don’t think that helped at all with SO. You should communicate how you feel but if you start getting hysterical and ugly cry it won’t help anything. That’s what girlfriends are for!! Good luck- and it gets better!!