Post # 1
It seems at after a certain age when people find out you’ve been in a relationship for over a year the first question to come out of their mouth is “when are you getting married?” Or even worse “how come you’re not married yet?” And if you tell them you have no definitive plans yet they give you that snarky half smile and say “oh, well don’t worry, you’re still young” (when what they really mean is that you’re getting too old to be single). What the heck does age have to do with it? So what if you’re not ready until you’re 50? I got so much flack for getting married at 28, and now begins the pressure to have children, as if my womb is going to shrivel and fall out at 30. People can be so rude at times. Has anyone else experienced this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Nope but I was married at 23 and divorced by 26 so people pretty much left me alone after that. They were shocked when I said that I was engaged to my FH #2. The moms are starting to bring up the question about how quickly we plan to have kids though so I feel that we will be pressured to do that pretty quickly since I will be 30 this year and he will be 29 a few months after that.
Post # 4
Sometimes I do I’m 28 and have been with my SO for nearly 3 yrs and still in waiting hopefully not for too long.
Post # 5
ALL THE TIME!! I will be 28 and my fiance will be 29 when we get married and people are, like, appalled.
I get “what took you so long?” a lot, especially since we’ve been together for 5 years and the engagement will be 2.5 years.
Um, sorry, people! When you’re paying for the wedding yourselves, you’re dealing with family illnesses, unexpected death, unexpected job loss, etc, these things take time!!
I also get the “oh, you should have kids right away” crap.
Excuse me?!?! Why do you assume I’m having children?
And even if we DO have children, and I’m (gasp) 32 or 33 at that time, I doubt my child is going to be born with 8 heads.
People are so damn nebby and judgemental. Even if you’re a “young” bride, you get nasty comments too.
Bottom line: people are never happy and they will always find something to critisize.
It took me a long time, but I just learned to roll my eyes and shrug and say, “this is what works best for me/us.”
Or the greatest response to a rude questions, “why do you ask?” This makes them realize how rude they’re being.
Don’t let it get to you!
Post # 6
Oh, yes. I heard many comments along those lines, and sometimes they even came from well-meaning, concerned family members. 🙂
Although I had several somewhat serious relationships during my 20s, and I was even engaged briefly when I was 29-30 and later broke the engagement, I did not end up meeting the right person until I was 45, and I did not marry until I was 47.
Post # 7
People really haven’t given me much crap. Fiance and I will both be 29 when we get married. We started dating when I was barely 22 and he was 21 but since we were in graduate school no one gave us crap. Everyone seemed to understand that education trumped an engagement/wedding/babies. Now that he’s graduated and I’m almost done we know it’s time.
That said, I have a friend who told me that she MUST be married by the time she turns 30 and is rushing a wedding with a guy she hasn’t been with very long. I’ve never felt such pressure, but it seems to exist, even for friends of mine.
Post # 8
Yeah I haven’t really felt this at all and I will be 29 next month but I think that’s because me and FH have been through a lot of ups and downs through the past 2 years. But ever since me and FH had gotten engaged people can’t wait for us to have kids. His family especially.
Post # 9
Nope, but many of my friends aren’t married or also got married in their late 20s.
Post # 10
Oh, most definitely! We’ve been together since May 2007, engaged since February 2008, getting married in 2015. I’ll be 28, FH will be 30. It drives me insane! But like PP have said, when you’re paying for over 90% of your wedding, it takes time. Our families drive me nuts!!
ETA: Friends too for that matter. They’re getting worse!
Post # 11
People will pretty much be snarky about any path you choose. Good news is, the snarky people tend to reveal themselves so just don’t tell them too much about your life and fuel the flames, LOL.
Please, do whatever makes you and FH happy 🙂
Post # 12
Maybe it’s a generational thing. People used to get married at a younger age and have different living situations I guess. For us it was 11 years. Good grief does that number mortify some people! But there were certain bumps in the road to marriage, you know, like high school… College… time periods when both of us were unemployed. Oh but to not be married despite all that? How dare we! Lol
Post # 13
@Stace126: lol born with 8 heads 🙂
SO turned 27 last month and I’m 25 – we get these questions from his mum and stepdad more so then anyone else. I just laugh it off and tell them to accept our pets as grandchildren for now.. We’ve only been together for 18mths.
Post # 14
I’ve felt the pressure and certainly received my fair share of comments re: age and my biological clock (ew). I’m 30, Fiance is 31, we’ve been together almost 6 years and knew we wanted to get married about a year into the relationship but didn’t get “officially” engaged until last August. Our families have been very supportive, which is shocking as I thought we’d get the most pressure from them. Both sets of parents say that we waited for a good time to get married, which is very true. We’re in a much better place financially and career-wise to take this step, plus we are paying for the wedding 100% ourselves so we had to be smart about it.
Still doesn’t stop people from making comments about “not getting any younger” and that I will be pregnant in no time after getting married. Since when is the activity of my womb up for public discussion?! I know it’s generally acceptable to ask “when are you trying for kids” or “how’s the baby-making going”, but to me it’s equivalent to asking what my salary is.
Post # 16
got my e-ring for my 30th birthday, been with my FH for more than 8 years. I got so sick of being asked. I actually have friends who have dated, married, and divorced in the time we’ve been together. there are a lot of reasons we haven’t gotten married yet, primarily i decided to go back to school so the last 4 years have been SUPER tight financially. I think the worst though was every time someone else got engaged people would say ‘don’t worry, yours is coming’ ‘i’m sure you’ll be next’ and all that garbage.