(Closed) Bee's please, I lost my father, how can my wedding day even happen now?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Aww sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I truley do know how hard it is as I am planning my wedding after losing both my parents. Trust me when I say you will go on and thothe the pain of losing him will never “go away” it will start to hurt less. 

Post # 4
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

First of all, I am SO sorry to hear about your father. I know that it’s very rough, I lost my dad in 1998, and you wonder how you’re going to be able to enjoy anything. 

 

Since I lost my dad when I was 8 and am now 23, I’ve had a long time to come to terms with the fact that my wedding will take place without him, but that doesn’t make it any easier. To answer your questions, no, the empty feeling never really goes away (at least not for me), but you learn to surround it with good things, good memories and good thoughts. You will not always be consumed by grief though. 

You will find that it starts to hurt less and you’re able to deal with it a little better every day. 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First and foremost.. my deepest sympathies

As far as the Wedding…

Your options in this situation are to postpone (no one would think this strange)… or to push forward and carry on.

You can design the Wedding Ceremony & Reception however you wish / feel comfortable with… walk alone, or have a close family member escort you (Mom, Brother, Uncle, Grandfather, Godfather, etc).  And there are lots of great ways to honour your Dad tastefully on your Big Day.

It really is all up to you

As for grief, there is no easy out (sorry).  Only time makes things easier… when it comes to someone close to you that can be a long time… 5 years to be able to get back on track fully is not uncommon (and to be honest you’ll NEVER forget him… a fear that some people have… so you can put that out of your mind).  There is nothing wrong EVER with leaning on others… or seeking out professional help if you feel you need it to cope.

As always, “the Hive” is hear to to listen whenever you need someone to talk / vent to.

 

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 6
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have heard from others that sometime grief counseling helps. Other than that, keep busy and don’t isolate yourself. Be with your family members and help each other cope. You have my deepest condolences. 

 

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that by the time comes for your wedding a little bit of time might dull the sharp edges off your pain. If you choose to go ahead with your wedding on your current date, there are many ways you can honour your father. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Post # 8
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss and that you’re going through this.  Having lost a close family member recently, you have all my sympathies and prayers.  One bee suggested grief counselling, and I think this is a good suggestion.  An outside voice to help you get a sense of perspective and someone on whom you can unload who isn’t mourning, that’s invaluable.  If you need to postpone, or to scale things down dramatically, no-one on earth would blame you. You have to do what’s best for you and your sanity, and what’s best for your Fiance.  A counsellor can really, really help you get that perspective.  

The pain never really goes away, but it gets to a point where you can carry it without feeling like you’re going to drown in your daily life.  It takes a long time.  It’s different for everyone, but you will get through, and no matter what you decide, you can honour your father at your wedding and feel his presence with you.

Post # 9
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

sorry for your loss lots of hugs to you and your family .

Post # 10
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@thefuturemrsling:  I’m so sorry. I know this must be awful and painful. But you’re right- you shouldn’t cancel/postpone. You’re in love and you should get married to your wonderful man. That’s what your father would want, and what everyone who cares for you still wants for you.

My father died when I was 9, so he was never really part of my wedding fantasies. 18 years later, I still miss him every day. I do promise that it gets easier with time. You won’t miss him less. The void won’t heal. But you’ll get accustomed to it being there. You’ll be able to think of him and talk about him in a way that will hurt much less than it does now. 

Start considering if you want to do something to recognize/remember him on your wedding day. A note in the program, photos of your parents wedding day, whatever… you don’t have to make the choice now. Begin to think about what might be a good option for you, if anything. If you decide it’s too painful or doesn’t feel right, don’t do anything. But it might make you feel better.

Hugs and prayers for you…

Post # 11
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Let me share some excerpts from “A Practical Wedding.” I hope this helps in some way:

Weddings are about hope – for the future, a new generation, and that love and family can win over everything else… so on the days that it seems too hard to go on, remember that weddings allow us a reason to hope and give us a brief, shining moment in the sun.

Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to tell people what you need, even if it’s nothing other than a shoulder to cry on, and let them support you.

The number one piece of advice from brides dealing with pain: have a wedding. The power of bringing people together in joy, particularly in a time of sorrow, is power that cannot be underestimated. “In the midst of the saddest week of our lives, we were joining our families and friends to say: this is hard, but there is still joy.”

 

Post # 12
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Im so sorry for your lost my prayers and thoughts goes out to you and your family.

Post # 13
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

((Hugs)) My deepest condolences. I know that right now the grief is so sharp and all encompassing, but in time you will heal. I second all of the PPs who suggested continuing with your wedding as planned for all of the reasons they have shared. 

Post # 14
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m so sorry you lost your father, it is so heartbreaking. We just lost my father-in-law to be on March 24th, the same day. I have asked my Fiance if he would like to postpone but he said No. His father was extremely excited for our wedding as I’m sure your father was for yours. I know my Future Father-In-Law would have wanted us to continue, get married and be happy. He only wanted the absolute best for us as I’m sure your Dad did for you.

That being said, it’s completely up to you whether you wish to postpone and take some time for yourself. I wish I could give you a hug, you must be in such pain. Just remember how happy your Dad was for you, how proud he was of you and how he will be smiling and watching you with such pride everyday of your life. You sound like you had so much love for him, as I’m sure he did for you.

Post # 15
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart would be breaking too. I know it is so hard being happy and looking forward to your wedding knowing your sweet father won’t be there but I think the only way to make it through is knowing your father would want you to. Want you to get married, want you to be happy, wany you to enjoy this special time even though he isn’t there with you. hugs..

Post # 16
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry to hear of your fathers passing. I cannot begin to imagine how sad you must be.i hope that you are able to go forward with your wedding and honor his memory. 

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