(Closed) Bee's please, I lost my father, how can my wedding day even happen now?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry and I feel your pAin. My dad passed away may 27, 2012. We get married June 1, 2013. I struggle with who will walk me down the aisle. 

i know it’ll be a happy day because that is the only thing he would want. I miss him everyday. 

Post # 18
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have not only lost both of my parents, but also my only child (3 weeks shy of her 21st birthday). I know it is inconceivable to image the pain ever going away. Like a PP said, it never quite does. But the grief will become less all-consuming over time. It’s a matter of learning to live again in spite of the grief. And you will because I have no doubt that is what your father would want for you. Right now, give yourself permission to grieve and lean on others to help you in any way they can. My sincere condolences.

Post # 19
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now. I don’t have any advice for you that hasn’t already been mentioned but I just wanted to send some virtual hugs your way. 

Post # 20
Member
10972 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh sweetie, I am so so so sorry for your loss – I just want to come over and give you a big giant hug! 🙁

Post # 21
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@thefuturemrsling:  i am so sorry for your loss.  it must be very difficult to plan your wedding without him.  ask yourself this: what would your dad would want you to do?  i am sure that your father would like for you to marry the man of your dreams.  do this for him.  honour him. 

your father may not be there in body but trust me, he will be there in spirit with a proud smile on his face.

Post # 22
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so sorry for your loss.  Sending lots of hugs your way.

I lost my Dad suddenly in 2008.  He was my rock and my best friend.  And I didn’t know how I was supposed to go on….

And then one day, I realised that he would want me to be happy and to go on and live my life and dreams that we had always talked about.  I think a part of me also felt like he could see me and that helped me somehow….

 

My Dad will not be able to walk me down the aisle(and my Mom is gone now, too)and that makes me so sad.  But it is going to be a happy day and they will both be with me when I walk myself down that aisle(because in my mind~nobody else can do it!)

And your Dad will be with you on your special day.  As he is with you every day.

 

I talk to my Dad every day, even still.  He is never far from my heart.  And he once said “when you talk about someone, remember someone, think about someone, cry about someone who isn’t here, you are remembering them and they live on in your heart and that is sometimes the closest they can be”

I wish there was some magical thing I could say to make the hurt go away….just be kind to yourself and think about what your Dad would want for you.

Post # 23
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My heart goes out to you. Obviously your dad very special to you and you’re still reeling from the loss. Please consider talking to a professional.  I resisted help for a long time after my mom passed, but I found it helped me deal with the grieving process. Of course everybody deals with grief differently and no one can know how you feel except you, but please take care of yourself first, worry about the wedding second.  

Post # 24
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@thefuturemrsling:  I’m so sorry to hear of your loss 🙁

 

But while it must be an unbelievably difficult time for you, you have to think what your dad would want. Would he want you miserable, postponing/rescheduling your wedding, where you get to marry the man of your dreams, or would he want you to go ahead, have the best day of your life and all the time knowing he’s right there with you in spirit.

 

You can pick someone else to walk you down the aisle, no one will think this strange, and pay tribute to him and those who cannot be there.

Post # 25
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@thefuturemrsling:  Get through each little moment, and they’ll stack to get through each day. It sounds to me that you’re doing just as you should be.

Good on you for keeping your plans intact, and hang in there.

Post # 27
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So sorry for you and your family.

I do think that you should incorporate his memory into the wedding (e.g., with the jerseys). Celebrate his memory 🙂

Post # 28
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

((((HUGS)))) on your loss.  sigh.  You continue with it because you know he’ll be watching you and he’ll be there for your day.   

My older brother was diagnosed with liver cancer 3 months & passed 3 weeks before our younger brother was gettting married.  It was … comforting.. sort of.  The same people were there for us when our older brother passed and the same people were at our younger brother’s celebration of his wedding.  It was so emotional but so nice to have something  to celebrate, something that brought us all together for something happy.  

Hang in there and more ((((HUGS))))

 

Post # 29
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@thefuturemrsling:  I am so very sorry to hear about your father’s passing.

 

I just went through this.  I will tell you of my timeline. 

 

My father died on June 1, 2012.  I was married 88 days later on August 28, 2012.  

 

We had a unique situation.  We had a Destination Wedding wedding planned for July 14, 2012.  Then dad was given months to live.  At 4 months before the big day, and with a very worried family whose least concern was a wedding, we decided to cancel the Destination Wedding.  Dad had 3 months left to live and the wedding was in 4 months.  The doctors were right and he died at the earliest month they predicted. I am very glad we cancelled it.  He passed 45 days before the Destination Wedding date.  When that day came and went (July 14), I noted how I was feeling.  I think I would have been able to carry on with a wedding, but I don’t think my family would have.  It would have been less the ideal.

 

After his death, my H and I just waited.  I had to mourn.  I had to wait for life to get back to normal. We would think about the wedding (and what the heck we were going to do now) after I started to feel normal again.

 

I will say the first month after his death (where you are right now) I was pretty numb.  Since my dad died in another state, I walked around my own town wondering if I should tell every person I know what I just went through.  I wasn’t able to focus on work either.  I couldn’t be intimate with my Fiance (which is totally OK).  Just really in a funk.  Numb. Even if I weren’t thinking about it at the moment.

 

Then by the end of month two, things were better. I was feeling better; I was getting back to my life.  I wasn’t so much in a fog. 

 

By 2.5 months, I was ready to get married and make plans with my H.  We had been through so much by then, we just wanted to get married.  Our wedding date turned out to be 88 days after my dad died.  We were eloping now (family could not travel), so we had the leisure of picking our own wedding date with little notice.  We planned it all with 2 weeks notice basically.

 

Now I knew my father was dying.  I think I cried MUCH more before he died.  I was pre-mourning in a way.  I don’t know if my “recovery” is slow or fast or normal. 

 

I think with over 5 months out, you can carry on.  It WILL get better.  You are too fresh in the mourning process right now to see it.  If there is anything that has to be done in the next 2 months for the wedding – put your Fiance on the tasks.  You can take a break for now.

 

Did I think of my dad on my wedding day?  I thought of him briefly.  I’m glad he got to meet my H (only three times though).  We went with the Swedish custom of the bride and groom waking into the ceremony together.  My H is of Swedish decent so it was perfect.  It eliminated the thought of “My daddy is not here to walk me down the aisle!”  Because I wanted the act of walking into my ceremony to be happy and it was exactly that with my H.

 

 

 

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