(Closed) Bees posting about wedding budget

posted 13 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2021 - Oakland Manor

I haven’t decided on if I’ll post our budget, and obviously we have to wait until it’s all over to do so.  But I think it’s also helpful when I see the "Real Budgets" feature, which anyone can do a recap with their budget in.

Corn is right about the threat of being flamed – it scares me!

Post # 18
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I agree with concerns of others judging me on budget.  I wonder if there is a way for people who interested to submit directly to Bee and she could share the budgets "blind"  that might be really helpful for others! I think that people who have more expensive weddings are less comfortable talking about in here on WB because people can be a bit judgemental if it is more than they think is appropriate.

Post # 19
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I can see why a lot of people might be uncomfortable sharing their budget numbers – sometimes people can be so judgemental.  It’s really to bad that people can be so rude because all of the Real Budgets features have been really helpful for me to see.  We’re on a strict no-wiggle room budget of about 6k and I like to see, realistically, how much people pull things off for.  Before getting engaged my wedding knowledge was zilch, and I had no idea how much things would cost.  I like getting a real world breakdown of someone else’s.  That said, I certainly don’t think people should feel pressured to share.

Post # 20
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - Ten Mile Station

Unfortunately, I am with Cupcake and Tiramisu. I would love, love to share a breakdown of our actual wedding costs with Weddingbee readers — I know that seeing the actual really helped me — but I don’t feel comfortable opening myself up for criticism on the subject. It’s just too personal.

Unlike Cherry Pie’s budget post, Corn’s post did get a very hateful comment. Mr. Cookie and I even got criticism before our wedding from a guest who point blank told me that she hoped, “I didn’t regret spending so much money on one day.” I don’t, for a second, regret how much money we spent, but I think the stigma surrounding money forces many bees, including myself, to not share on Weddingbee. It’s so sad

However, I am more than willing to share a particular wedding cost if someone PM’s me.

Post # 21
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Personally, I don’t see the point in spending a lot of money on "one day" and our wedding won’t cost that much, but that’s for MY wedding. If someone else wants to spend a lot more than me, that’s THEIR wedding and they are within their right to do so without any judgment from me. We all have different circumstances and different images of what the perfect wedding is for each of us.

For me, it’s a simple, family-friendly affair and I wouldn’t want a formal, adult-only affair even if I had the money for it. For a lot of brides, it’s the complete opposite. It’s no different than me preferring peonies over roses – I don’t care if another bride prefers roses and it doesn’t make either one of our choices "better." No wedding is better based on its budget and weddings should never be compared, nor judged for the bride’s decision. I admit I cringe at the Platinum Weddings budgets, but that’s that bride’s wedding and it’s her vision of what her big day will be like. Even if it’s not a vision I share, I respect her right to have the wedding she desires.

I think budget weddings are really, really recently becoming popular. It wasn’t too long ago that my $7,000 wedding would have been judged for being too cheap, too casual, by a lot of women. Heck, I’m sure some still judge it for its low price tag. Of course now, due to the economy, we’re seeing big-ticket weddings getting judged. It seems we’ll never win ;).

Post # 22
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Mrs. Cookie: Ugh!  How awful! You should have told her that you would have come in under budget if one less person had RSVPd "yes" and that you hoped you didn’t regret inviting her 😉

Real budgets are so helpful, but I can’t blame any of the Bees for not wanting to open themselves up to that kind of nastiness.  I wish there was less stigma attached to budgets and money in general — if someone doesn’t agree that what you’re paying for is important, they can be really judgmental.  When I was 18, I decided to go out of state to a small private college, and I was on the receiving end of delightful comments like "gee, I wish I had rich parents" or "wow, guess you and your family will be eating ramen for the next 40 years while you pay off those loans.  I hope it’s worth it."  (My parents aren’t rich.  I actually had a scholarship and my college cost my parents practically nothing.)  There were plenty of people around me who didn’t see any value in attending a private college and felt perfectly comfortable being horrible to me because I made a different choice that they assumed cost more money.

Post # 23
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I concur with alot of the comments already posted. While I loved Mrs. Cherry Pie’s budget breakdown post, I think it’s fine for the Bees NOT to feel obligated to post their budgets. Money and how we spend it are personal. While I may want to spend a ton on something, you may feel otherwise. Also I think many underestimate the power of regional differences/ city vs. rural/suburban areas and how other factors can affect budgets.

In these economic times, I think that it is helpful to know how we can all get our monies worth. Perhaps with all of the interest in budgets, maybe we should ask for an increase in the Real Budgets posts? Mrs./Mr. Bee, if you’re reading, is this something that could happen going forward?

Post # 24
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I can understand those not wanting to share — people can be mean, judgmental and so on.  So, no one should be forced to do so.

They are really helpful to see, though.  Unless you are familiar with a lot of budgets and figures, it’s really hard to know if you’re getting ripped off when vendors come back with inflated prices.  It can also be really helpful when you’re setting your own initial budget.  I think part of the reason so many of us end up way over our budgets is because we don’t always have realistic expectations going in, and finding the necessary information in order to get a sense of overall cost is really difficult.  "Average" figures are generally unhelpful.  Seeing lots of realistic budgets (and their end results) can make us educated consumers and planners.  You’ve really got to do some digging to find a price tag in the wedding world, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

The other bonus is that if more of this information is out there (not just on weddingbee, but in general) we may not have to take such flak for our budgets.  How many times have we had to justify ourselves by saying, "but this is what it costs" to people who think we’ve being too extravagant.  If it’s easier to make comparisons, we may get to spend less time justifying ourselves to judgmental people.

Added bonus:  it’s usually the case that the easier it becomes for people to make cost-comparisons, the lower prices get.  For instance insurance premiums took a dive after internet use became more common.  You didn’t have to contract various compnaies and wait for a response, you could just shop online and make your comparisons in a matter of minutes, and as a result, pricing became very competitive.  The more open people are about wedding costs, the more likely this is to occur in the wedding industry.

 

Post # 25
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with MelissaB – a wedding costs what it costs, and that depends on the amount and how many people are willing to contribute, and it is really no one’s business. It is interesting to see it though, when you’ve followed a wedding in the planning stages, so that you can see what you can get for the price, I guess. But, it’s not worth opening yourself up to negative comments from people.

Post # 26
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If anyone is truly interested in comparing numbers they are getting from vendors as opposed to other brides in your area. I think this point is important because different things cost differently in different regions.

Checkout http://www.costhelper.com they have a Weddings Section that tells you the low, medium, high average of certain wedding costs. And I do believe it’s by region. ETA: I take that back. It’s not by region. But it does have some good information about unconventional places to look for vendors and what the prices should include, etc.

And honestly, the internet is a wealth of information for this. Google.

Post # 27
Member
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I guess I feel like budget is an intensely personal issue.  I think it’s great if people spend $30,000 or $2,000 as long as they can afford it and *they* are happy with the outcome.

I heard a great piece on NPR last night out of Boston, where they discussed the resurgence of the budget wedding.  The one place where the segment broke down was when they characterized that you are either "Bridezilla" or "Crafty DIY budget bride".  It’s unfortunate that things have to get so oversimplified in the media.

I think some people would consider our wedding "budget" and some would consider it extravagant.  For me, it was important to be able to pay for everything outright, and to avoid wedding industrial complex as much as possible.  So far, we’re happy with our choices and we hope it will come out looking ok.

Post # 28
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Totally agree with Doctorgirl. Our budget is $22,000 (probably closer to 30 when you add in purchases we’ve made with our regular income and not wedding savings). We’re having a plated dinner at our reception in a Chicago suburb for 150 people. Some people might think 22,000 is a lot of money, but I think we’re doing pretty well considering the prices in this area. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Post # 29
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe

I’m happy to share mine — a before and after.  I am a little worried about all the not so nice comments.

Post # 30
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

@caribqueen –  We post most of the Real Budgets that come in!  It’d be great if we got more…

Maybe add it to the ideas section, and see if other people would also like to see more real budgets?
http://ideas.weddingbee.com

If so, we can put out a call for more submissions!

Post # 31
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Perspective.  That is what is missing from people who decide to criticize other people’s budgets without knowing the context of their situation.  Bootom-line: It is really unfair to judge someone’s budget — or any other aspect of their wedding — when you know nothing about them — as in all othertimes in life, numbers are meaningless without context. I apologize for the long message, but have become really frustrated by some commenters’ resoponses in other posts and would like to echo the sentiments of  others here, such as Corn and Doctorgirl.

A wedding that costs $5,000 in one part of the country could very easily cost $15,000 in other parts of the country.  In downtown Chicago, pretty much any venue that can accomodate our reception charges a nonnegotiatble rental fee of $6,000-$8,500 just for the room rental — more than some total budgets!  Moreover, some people can whittle their guest list to 50, while others have a tough time getting it under 200 even if inviting only family.  Since most venues in the area also have exclusive caatering contracts that mean you’ll have to spend about $100 or more per person, the difference between 100 guests and 200 guests can be at least $10,000.  Also, please keep in mind that everyone is in a different position financially — some of us make $35,000, some make $350,000; some have families contributing, some don’t.  Obviously, what is financially irresponsible for one person is financially conservative for another. 

As Doctorgirl mentioned, it is sad when things get oversimplified and fueled by assumptions that don’t take into account situations different from your own.  

 

 

 

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