(Closed) Bees, problem!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jb20:  how long have you and your fi been together?  do you live together?

Post # 5
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@jb20:  I really hope that since they think posting on facebook details like that are appropriate that maybe they just aren’t familiar with the etiquette of weddings and you not being on the invite was just an oversight. If it wasn’t a mistake then I think you have every right to be upset! You two totally fall into the “Social unit” category. 

Post # 6
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You should definitely have been invited. Hopefully this is just an addressing etiquette problem on the bride’s part, and not a snub at you. I could see if your Fiance was just a guest, and they were having a very intimate wedding, but as a groomsman, especially one who has a fiancee, it is expected that you would be invited.

Post # 7
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

There have been many posts about this. The consensus (from my reading):

– Engaged couples are invited together or not at all.

– Bridesmaid or Best Man / Groomsmen get a +1 if they are in a relationship, no matter how serious.

Get your Fiance to call his friend and ask. It is VERY rude to not invite you. But be prepared for their answer to be that they have a limited guestlist and drew the +1 line at married couples. 

Post # 8
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would have your fi call and question it, you should definantly have been invited – but, as PP said, it may NOT be a mistake. In the end, brides get to make the final choices in who are invited.

Post # 9
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jb20:  most gm & bm do get a +1 so i am a bit surprised.  you did say that your fi and this groom have not been close for around 3 years.  you and your fi have only been together for 2.5 years.  perhaps the couple don’t really know you and didn’t realize that you and your fi are indeed a package deal.  (if you know what i mean).  i suppose your fi can contact his friend to inquire about the rsvp and your invite.

Post # 11
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@jb20:  If you’re not actually invited, then your Fiance needs to decide if he’s comfortable going without you.  He is a Groomsmen, he has some responsibilities, and that’s a difficult thing to consider.  But by no means should you crash.  Hopefully, the couple will acknowledge their error and invite you.  Otherwise, it’s really up to your Fiance what happens next, since he’s the one invited to (and in) the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would definitely be upset!  You are living together/are engaged/he is in the wedding party, which are all very good reasons why you should be included on the guest list.  I hope it is an oversight or that they just aren’t familiar with etiquette (as a PP said, this might be the case, since they also think fb posts are an appropriate way to communicate the wedding party’s responsibilities).  If not, I think it is good that you guys are prepared and have discussed what you would plan to do if they indeed haven’t included you on the guest list.

Good luck!

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