- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
hi bees, i guess this is just sort of a vent but also wanted some other stories/opinions from you guys as well. i’m not trying to ‘start’ anything or cause any drama, this is purely my experience. whew, okay now that that’s out of the way…okay, for starters, here’s a little background. i was born and raised in the bay area of california. growing up, i was always surrounded by a lot of diversity and me being korean-american was never, ever an issue. i never got stared at weird, or had racist comments made towards me…i was just simply myself and was never made to feel strange about it. although i’m a pretty reserved and shy person, anytime i would voice my opinion, it was usually accepted with an open mind or if someone didn’t agree with me, it was at least open to debate! growing up, people were generally kind to me and my family was always kind to others.
after i met my FI, i settled in oklahoma to be with him. i’ve lived here for several years and i can honestly say that i just don’t ‘fit’ in here. i feel like i just have never been so lonely or treated so badly. the fact that i am ‘asian’ gets brought up all the time…i’ve literally had people say, ‘ching chong chang’ to my face in a very professional workplace. i’ve had people mockingly ask me if i eat dog or if i’ve ever eaten dog. people have rudely tell me that if i’m from north korea, i should just go back from where i came from. i’ve had people constantly refer to me as ‘chinese’ even when i have stated i am korean and i know this may not seem like a big deal, but i find it very disrespectful because they’re referring to ‘every asian person is chinese’. i am constantly made aware of my race. it’s the most bizarre thing i have ever experienced. my old boss actually commented that the reason she hired me is because i’m asian and asians are very ‘dutiful and aim to please’ which lead her to her treating me like a total servant. for example, she literally screamed at me to pick up an air freshener can she dropped on the bathroom floor right after she did a #2. yet my other coworkers weren’t treated like this. and like i said, this was in a professional office setting! i have since quit that job.
anytime i’m having a group discussion and someone asks for my opinion or input, if it differs from them, i’m immediately shot down or told how i am ‘so wrong’ and how ‘being from california must have something to do with it’. sometimes people have interuppted me mid-sentence without even thinking twice. a grown man has asked me a really simple question (what time is it?) to which i answered seriously and he got in my face and said, ‘shut up, why the hell are you still talking, shut your mouth, i don’t give a rat’s ass, no one wants to hear you speak’. i have literally NEVER been treated like this before nor have i EVER experienced anything like this in my entire life. i don’t understand why or how people think it is okay to disrespect someone who has never done a thing to offend or disrespect them. it really blows my mind. last friday was a particularly rough day, and my FI hugged me and told me he was so sorry that i have been treated like this here.
no matter how kind i am or nice, people here just have found a reason to disrespect me or be extremely rude to me for no reason at all. i am not trying to brag, but i take pride in the fact that i KNOW i am a really nice and genuine person. it’s one thing that i really do like about myself. so i know that none of the behavior or disrespect i’ve gotten from various people from various walks of life the past several years is warranted. i hate to admit that my self-esteem has sort of plummeted, and i am feeling depressed and homesick for my home state and the city i grew up in. i also am starting to get kind of bitter towards oklahoma and when we move, this place will leave a bitter taste in my mouth. i’m not saying oklahoma is a horrible place and i am not saying that everyone here is like this (so oklahoma bees, please don’t get offended!), but i just have never been treated so badly before. i’m also NOT saying that california is better than oklahoma or anything like that. i guess i just don’t understand it. as much as i’ve tried, i guess i just don’t ‘fit’ in here.
i guess i just really needed to vent, so if you have made it this far…thank you for reading. have any of you experienced something similar to this after moving from your home state/city/country? how do you deal or cope? i would really love to hear.