(Closed) bees that have relocated, have you felt like you just don't belong??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

*hugs*

When I moved in with my husband before we were married, we lived in an area with very few blacks and no other mixed couples. My husband is white and I am a black woman.

The area was mostly elderly rich white people, with some working class whites mixed in.

People were very hostile. I couldn’t sit in the courtyard without some old white woman screaming out of her window that she was going to call the police on me. I started hanging out with this white woman who was jealous that I was married to a nice man, so she started making racist comments about blacks right to my face. The final straw was when someone keyed up my husband’s car twice.

We have since moved to a more racially diverse area. No

When my husband and I go to small towns on getaways, we get old white people gaping at us. We usually smile and wave or kiss. LOL That scares them good.

There will always be ignorant racists in the world mama. You just hold your head up high and don’t let them win. Maybe you can talk to your husband about moving to more diverse area.

Post # 33
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I really hope you are feeling better by now πŸ™‚ everyone is soo supportive on here. I’m Asian also and have moved many times because my husband is in the Army. We’ve been to California, Hawaii, Virginia, Louisiana and now Texas. Never to OK though πŸ™‚ I had to sacrifce soo many things for my partner and with each move it’s exciting and sad. Our most recent move was this past April here to Texas from Hawaii! I was depressed and overwhelmed. You just have to confide in your partner and find refuge in him. It’s you and him against the world! I’ve been here almost two whole months and have yet to make a friend outside of work or Army. Making freinds was soo much easier in college!! I hope you have had better luck since you wrote the post, sending you happy vibes from Texas!

Post # 35
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@Omgbunnies:  I’m sorry that you don’t fit in in New England.  I didn’t either, and I was born there. 

Post # 37
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@missebelle:  I know this thread is a little old but I read it and couldn’t help responding. Im also 24, soon to be 25 and newly engaged. I was born and I raised in the SF Bay Area, on the peninsula to be exact and went to college in SF too. im half Filipino and half Armenian and about as diverse as they come. My fiancé is also from SF but is on a 4 year work contract in Mississippi and I am beyond terrified to move out there (I move in 3 months)! The people we’ve met so far seem really nice but there’s no one I click with and they treat me like I’m from a foreign country. Anyway, know that you’re not alone. I hope things have gotten better for you!

Post # 38
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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@somerrae:  do you still live in Mississippi?! I am going to be moving to Jackson in 3 months and I’m from SF. Needless to say I’m terrified πŸ™

Post # 39
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could say I can’t believe how rude people are but unfortunately I get it. I work with two Korean ladies who both happen to be good friends of mine. My chin hit the floor when our project manager (in front of about 7people) mixed them up and the said, ” I can’t tell them apart they look the exact same so I guess it doesn’t really matter who did I it”.  For the record, they look nothing alike. 

I moved from Boston to southwest Florida and it took me a year or two to feel comfortable. Then I moved to North Carolina and that move was easy. Then back to Florida, again easy.  Then to Chicago. Again pretty easy.  Then from Chicago to Minneapolis. I will never fit in here. i don’t even know hopes to explain it other than the stereotype that Midwesterners are passive aggressive is mostly true when it comes to those I have interacted with. And I am still a bold straightforward bostonian. They don’t like that so much here. I feel like I’m in a foreign country and know there are other parts of the country I would much rather be. Hopefully I will find a job in one of those states so I can get out of here soon!

just to add, there are any nice people here and I won’t go as far as to say everyone is passive aggressive. I think my work culture breeds it as well and that us adding to my overall experience. 

Post # 40
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had the opposite experience from the OP.  I’m Asian, originally from Texas and I live in the Bay Area now…I get made fun of constantly!!!  

 

A lot of people tell me they’re sorry that I have to go back to my home state to visit my parents.  It just boggles my mind…LITERALLY people come up to me, say “hi my name is so and so” and then proceed to tell me how much they hate my state and how my life must have sucked until I moved to the Bay Area.   

 

I feel like most people I’ve met so far in the Bay Area pretty much believe there’s the Pacific Northwest, NorCal/SoCal, Las Vegas, and NYC, everything else must be backwards hillbilly country!

I will say, that once when we went on a vacation to Oklahoma we were refused service at a restaurant because we were Asian πŸ™

Post # 41
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

OP I am so sorry you have to deal with horrendous people like that. I can’t imagine having to deal with that kind of disrespect day in and day out. I sincerely hope you find joy and happiness to your new home when you move.

I grew up in a very small, tight knit community in Iowa and moved to Southern California when I was 13. The culture shock between a town of 8,000 and a town of 75,000 was enormous for me, and the fact that I was intermingled with people I didn’t even know existed. The middle school I went to was really rough and frequently had racial fights break out. I remember getting picked on in PE because I was white. It was the strangest thing for me. I have grown rather callous after living here for over 10 years now and it kind of makes me sad. While I would never in a million years move back to the midwest, it still baffles me how people can be so downright mean to others for absolutely no reason other than their skin color or their ethnicity. The one thing I miss about my small community was the genuine love for other people. Caring about your neighbor. I don’t think that exists much anymore, even in small towns, but I still pine for that.

I don’t really know where I am going with this anymore as it’s past midnight and I am getting delerious but I just wanted to share my story of being planted somewhere and feeling like you have no footing. You guys will find a home together where you both can be happy and be treated with the respect you deserve. πŸ™‚

Post # 42
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I feel absolutely sick reading the thread. I am so horrified that anyone could treat someone like that. Maybe because I’m from Ny or maybe just because, well I’m white, but I have never seen racism like that! Did we just go back in time sixty years or something? OP is a much stronger woman than I because I would have flipped the F out on those people. Some of the stuff posted on here about employers I am sure is illegal. I’m curious why they have to live there if OP is being treated so badly? I would not feel comfortable staying in a place like that. I knew there was racism out there, but I feel terrible that I didn’t even realize just how bad it is for people. I would have never expected it in this country in this day and age.

Post # 43
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@TakeTwo:  My SO is mixed black (black dad, white mum) and I am white, and I have never noticed anyone staring at us, but when my SO came to Australia he said a couple of old ladies have looked at us funny. I didn’t really pay attention to be honest, but when I stay with him in US Virgin Islands where the population is mainly black, I was shocked at how people stared at me all the time. 

 

People have been rude to me and don’t want to serve me. I was given advice not to look people in the eye or they think I am trying to challenge them. What? πŸ™ It makes me feel a little uncomfortable as I am used to being friendly to everyone but now I get watched all the time like I shouldn’t be there. As there are a lot of cruise ships coming in all the time, they assume I am some lost tourist that’s strayed to the ‘local’ hangouts (especially when they hear my crazy accent) and I am pretty much treated like I am not welcome in those parts. I also notice when my SO and I go shopping together, we get funny looks, usually by older black women. If we ask anyone anything, they gladly speak to him and then glare at me or give me a strange ‘polite but not friendly’ smile. It makes me feel like I’m back in the 1930’s or something.

 

It makes me sad as I am meant to move to USVI in the next year or so and I am worried I will always feel like this πŸ™ 

 

Post # 44
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

I have moved around to a lot of different places since high school after living in Michigan for 14 years. Their were places I like, some I didn’t like, and some that I liked half decently. when I lived in Virginia for 1.5 years I lived in one place for three months and I loved it. I fitted in well and liked the place a lot. I then moved to another town in va and I didn’t like it so much because ppl kept to themselves and so forth. I eventually after 1.5 years of living in va moved to Iowa and lived in cr for 3.5 years and I liked cr a lot. I fitted in well and since I moved out of there I have a lot of lifelong friends there as well as michigan and the first place in va. During my college years and I’m still in college I attended two jr colleges and I’ll be attending my third jr college in the fall but anyways with the first jr colleges I had different opinions on both colleges and different experiences. Their was one jr college that I didn’t like much and that was my first jr college and my second junior college I liked a lot. It has to do with the atmosphere of each school and the ppl that attend it. 

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