(Closed) Bees, this one’s a doosie!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

PLEASE make sure that you are involved with the legal stuff–yes, it’s his kid from a past relationship, but you are going to be wed to the father and this will affect you as well as him financially and otherwise.

YOu seem to have the right attitude, all things considered and I think you’re right to think upon the kid with an open heart.

Post # 18
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

WOW! My mouth dropped while reading this. This blows everyone elses problems out of the water.  But hey, this is just a curveball that you and your husband to be are going to have to get a handle on together, just like any other life challenge that comes your way. He probably needs your support and comfort just as much, if not more than you need his. Imagine his emotions!–Coming to find he has a 2 1/2 year old child that he didn’t even know existed! It’s kind of crazy. Timing couldn’t be worse but this will just test your love. I feel for you and can’t imagine the thoughts and emotions running through you.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade! This could be something great..who knows?

Post # 19
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Man oh Man does this suck!

Try to be postive (as much as you can before the wedding!)

* he wants to protect himself AND you!

* he wants to know the child — this will diminish a lot of unnecessary drama

* this child might be super awesome for the two of you!

Post # 21
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

I am really sorry that you are going through something as major as this so close to your wedding.  I don’t have any better advice that was already given, but I just wanted to say that I hope things work out for the best for your and your fiance!

Post # 22
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh boy—and I’ve been really worried about it raining on our twin wedding day…

He probably has a lot of guilt about the situation and how it’s affecting you.  I think the best thing you can do is reassure him that you don’t blame him.  This type of thing could happen to any of us.

I think you both have the right attitude about this situation and are taking the right steps.  Hopefully this child ends up being a blessing in your life. He obviously needs some positive influences since it took  his mother 2.5 years to contact his father…

Post # 23
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There are a lot of us 10/9/10 ladies on this thread!  It must be like a homing device…when one 10/9er is in trouble, we all jump on the thread for support 🙂

Sweetie, I am so very sorry you’re dealing with this problem mere weeks from the wedding I’m sure you’ve worked hard for, and waited a long time to have.  Just keep it in mind that he is being 100% honest with you, which shows what a strong relationship you must have.  He didn’t mean for this to happen, and he didn’t know anything about it.  You’re right that the timing truly sucks, but maybe his son is a wedding gift for the two of you.  If you have made the decision not to have children together, you will at least have a child in your life.  He is young enough for the two of you to have a positive relationship with him from very early on.  The fact that another woman has given birth to the child doesn’t change the love you and your fiance share one bit.  It happened before you were together.  I can certainly understand the pangs of jealousy, but you are doing the right and responsible thing by talking with your fiance and seeing a therapist to help you wade through the emotional minefield.  Personally, I think you should feel pretty damn proud of yourself.  There are a lof of folks who would NOT handle this situation well.  But you and your fiance ARE handling it well.  Be proud and continue to walk the path you’re walking.  You’re doing the right thing.  Good luck, honey!

Post # 25
29 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry that this is happening to you at this time in your lives. I understand that it is stressful to say the very least. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and as long as there is no death or tragic accident involved, every cloud has a silver lining.

My personal opinion is to relax and focus on the good things that can from this. You didn’t mention in your post if you had any kids of your own. If you don’t then this could be a blessing in disguise! You can gain a child to have in you two lives with out the labor pains or stretch marks! Laughing

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