Post # 17
PLEASE make sure that you are involved with the legal stuff–yes, it’s his kid from a past relationship, but you are going to be wed to the father and this will affect you as well as him financially and otherwise.
YOu seem to have the right attitude, all things considered and I think you’re right to think upon the kid with an open heart.
Post # 18
WOW! My mouth dropped while reading this. This blows everyone elses problems out of the water. But hey, this is just a curveball that you and your husband to be are going to have to get a handle on together, just like any other life challenge that comes your way. He probably needs your support and comfort just as much, if not more than you need his. Imagine his emotions!–Coming to find he has a 2 1/2 year old child that he didn’t even know existed! It’s kind of crazy. Timing couldn’t be worse but this will just test your love. I feel for you and can’t imagine the thoughts and emotions running through you.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade! This could be something great..who knows?
Post # 19
Man oh Man does this suck!
Try to be postive (as much as you can before the wedding!)
* he wants to protect himself AND you!
* he wants to know the child — this will diminish a lot of unnecessary drama
* this child might be super awesome for the two of you!
Post # 20
Well…..we had a peaceful night trying to be as “us” as possible. In the light of day, the elephant is back and it really takes everything I have to not worry about this unfolding story. I really appreciate all of your responses and frankly reading them makes me see the situation in the mirror and yikes, it is not what I signed up for. BUT…..and this a big BUT….I am in this forever and WE WILL PREVAIL! Life hands you scenarios that are soley meant for you to learn something we desperately need to learn. The lessons aren’t revealed until it’s behind us. I look forward to seeing the backside of this elephant’s ass! I really just want us to be us again which is a remarkable place to be and these next weeks leading up to the wedding are so important emotionally and spiritually. The timing of this drama couldn’t be worse!!!!
Post # 21
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
I am really sorry that you are going through something as major as this so close to your wedding. I don’t have any better advice that was already given, but I just wanted to say that I hope things work out for the best for your and your fiance!
Post # 22
Oh boy—and I’ve been really worried about it raining on our twin wedding day…
He probably has a lot of guilt about the situation and how it’s affecting you. I think the best thing you can do is reassure him that you don’t blame him. This type of thing could happen to any of us.
I think you both have the right attitude about this situation and are taking the right steps. Hopefully this child ends up being a blessing in your life. He obviously needs some positive influences since it took his mother 2.5 years to contact his father…
Post # 23
There are a lot of us 10/9/10 ladies on this thread! It must be like a homing device…when one 10/9er is in trouble, we all jump on the thread for support 🙂
Sweetie, I am so very sorry you’re dealing with this problem mere weeks from the wedding I’m sure you’ve worked hard for, and waited a long time to have. Just keep it in mind that he is being 100% honest with you, which shows what a strong relationship you must have. He didn’t mean for this to happen, and he didn’t know anything about it. You’re right that the timing truly sucks, but maybe his son is a wedding gift for the two of you. If you have made the decision not to have children together, you will at least have a child in your life. He is young enough for the two of you to have a positive relationship with him from very early on. The fact that another woman has given birth to the child doesn’t change the love you and your fiance share one bit. It happened before you were together. I can certainly understand the pangs of jealousy, but you are doing the right and responsible thing by talking with your fiance and seeing a therapist to help you wade through the emotional minefield. Personally, I think you should feel pretty damn proud of yourself. There are a lof of folks who would NOT handle this situation well. But you and your fiance ARE handling it well. Be proud and continue to walk the path you’re walking. You’re doing the right thing. Good luck, honey!
Post # 24
@mundaetraversa:all of you are so wonderful i can hardly speak! i love how you introduced your reply about when one 10/9er is in trouble we jump on the thread for support. i am learning that this is indeed so and i am the grateful recipient of this kind of love!
things are progressing…lawyers, birth certificates, uggh….when it is all said and done i will report back, but since there are so many factors and variables, we are very much in flux.
we shared this information with my best friends (the couple that is hosting our wedding) and that was a major release for him and a sign of trust in them and me. we had a beautiful evening after and really solidified our connection and journey together. he is being unbelievably supportive of my feelings about the wedding and shares them with me. we want to have this piece of time and hold it close and not let this overshadow this precious time.
you all have shown me that we are a group of compassionate and loving comrades and on this journey to wedded bliss together. may you all have blessed wedding days even if the lemons are tripping you!
Love to you All!
Post # 25
I am so sorry that this is happening to you at this time in your lives. I understand that it is stressful to say the very least. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and as long as there is no death or tragic accident involved, every cloud has a silver lining.
My personal opinion is to relax and focus on the good things that can from this. You didn’t mention in your post if you had any kids of your own. If you don’t then this could be a blessing in disguise! You can gain a child to have in you two lives with out the labor pains or stretch marks!