Post # 1
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
So there’s this guy I’ve known for a year, not close but we’d speak occasionally. Anyway over the last few weeks we’ve started speaking and texting more and it’s a mixture of normal conversation, flirty and sometimes verging on more. Problem is he lives several hours away.
He texts me every morning saying ‘morning beautiful’, texts me throughout the day and calls me nearly every day. A few days ago he told me, speaking to me was the best thing about his day and he casually mentioned he turned down another woman’s advances because ‘there’s this other woman I quite like’ and then went on to massively suggest it was me. Sounds promising, yes?
But then we were talking about something and I made a really obvious innuendo about something and he just did not get it. Turns out he is completely clueless about signals that he gives out that would suggest to a woman that he’s interested. He told me you have to be really clear with him otherwise he doesn’t get your intentions. So I told him bluntly how I felt (I am into him and would be interested on seeing where it goes) and he said that he thought that was how I felt. So then I asked him how he felt and he said that he was ‘happy with whatever happens’. What the hell does that mean? He couldn’t really give a straight answer.
And now he’s making plans to come and see me. So now I have no idea if this guy really is clueless, has no interest in anything other than friends or something else.
What do you think?
Post # 2
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
He simply means that he would like to start with what you have now and if something becomes more serious, he’s all for it. Taking it one step at a time. Not everyone is all or nothing.
Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
Could he not have just said that though, rather than giving a vague answer?
Post # 4
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
I would interpret that as he wants a causal fling.
Post # 5
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Obviously he is into you and is hoping for sexy time. Hes being nice and saying “no pressure” though. If it’s just friends hanging out or more, he’s happy with whatever happens.
Post # 6
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
Sorry, I didn’t mean to end my reply there. I also meant ‘casual’, not causal!
‘happy with whatever happens’ just sounds like he’s not that invested. But honestly, it’s so hard to decipher things by texting.
On the other hand, I don’t see why he’d turn down another woman if he just wanted something casual, but he could have just been making that up to get your attention!
Post # 7
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
So how do you suggest I proceed? I’ve never had a casual fling before and I’m not against that, but I also don’t know if I’m the type of person that can do that without further feelings developing. In all honesty I’m happy to just be friends if he’s not interested ina relationship because he is a really great guy.
Post # 8
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
littlebuzz: I know! Maybe that’s why meeting is the best option that way it might be easier to decipher these sorts of things.
He goes through great pains to make sure I know any women he speaks to he has no interest in. But why not just hook up with someone nearby if that’s what he wants, he’s not exactly shy of female attention?
Post # 9
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
I would interpret that as someone who wants sex without commitment. I would presume he’s using the same “overly interested” tactic on multiple women as well. Yawn.
Post # 10
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
footprints: he is a player and looking to hook up without having to actually court you or ask you out/take you on dates. I would pass, even if it’s casual, I’d still want to be wooed and pursued. You’re worth more than a guy who is clearly not crazy about you. His response was a “eh, you’re cool but I could take it or leave it”. Don’t settle 🙂
Post # 12
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
He’s a player. Just my take.
Post # 13
Member
7603 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Maybe I’m just clueless but I don’t think a booty call would drive several hours just to have sex with someone. Also, I have never had a guy who just wants to have sex (with no relationship) call me every day. It was always just texts.
OP, I think you should wait and see how his visit goes. Hopefully that will help you guys sort it out!
Post # 14
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee
I would be really wary of this situation. For one you are texting/calling constantly before even meeting up for a date. I know you say you’ve known him for a year, but when you text someone constantly before even meeting up for a date you develop this emotional attachment without even really knowing the other person…a pretty major issue.
Let me give you an example: a couple years ago as a newly single girl I started my online dating profile…when I wasn’t totally healed from my breakup. I was working out of state for the summer so I wasn’t going on dates but I maintained my online dating profile. I met this one guy who was very intriguing to me. He was incredibly attractive, we could talk easily, and I got attached relatively quickly. Oh and he was recently divorced…like within a month of when we started talking. He kept on claiming “it was over long before we divorced”, but he had some major issues because of it. We talked and had fun and flirted a ton before even meeting. Honestly once we met sparks FLEW. The physical attraction was so high. I’ve never felt such INTENSE feelings towards someone so quickly. We had a 1.5 month “relationship” where we went on dates and made out like craaaaazy. He did me a huge favor and ended it because he recognized we were wanting totally different things. He desperately wanted sex, I wanted to wait until marriage (and I did wait with my now husband). He also claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship even though a month after we ended things we ran into each other on a freak accident and he was on a date haha. I found out recently that this dude is now engaged and I am honestly happy for him; we had a fun summer fling but would have never lasted long term.
My (long-winded, sorry!) point here is that if you talk too long before meeting in person, you can sometimes build that person up in your head which isn’t the most healthy thing to do. I would go on a date with him as soon as possible and see if it is the same in person. Go for coffee or a drink or something and just see where things go. I also agree with other people that this sounds like it may be a booty call so if you aren’t ok with that kind of thing just don’t even bother with him.
Post # 15
Member
13528 posts
Honey Beekeeper
He may be a player, and he may just be socially awkward. His own comment about having to be really clear with him about intentions kind of makes me wonder if he’s on the spectrum.
It is unusual that he’d say he “turned down” the attentions of another woman, hint strongly that it’s because of you, and then act as if he has no clue how he’s coming across. Normally, that would not be believeable. You’d suspect he’s playing games or that he’s saying the same thing to so many women he can’t keep them straight.
“I’ll be happy with whatever happens” does come across a bit passive and dispassionate. On the other hand, if he’s on the spectrum, he could also be giving things a very concrete meaning. Whereas you are saying you are interested in seeing where things might go over time in a relationship, he’s thinking very literally about what will occur on the first date.
Whether he’s a player, has challenges, is just a little awkward, or clueless, these are all things to keep in mind and consider.
Go out with him once and see what you think.
