(Closed) Bees- what the hell is going on?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

He simply means that he would like to start with what you have now and if something becomes more serious, he’s all for it. Taking it one step at a time. Not everyone is all or nothing. 

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

I would interpret that as he wants a causal fling. 

Post # 5
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Obviously he is into you and is hoping for sexy time. Hes being nice and saying “no pressure” though. If it’s just friends hanging out or more, he’s happy with whatever happens.

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry, I didn’t mean to end my reply there. I also meant ‘casual’, not causal!

‘happy with whatever happens’ just sounds like he’s not that invested. But honestly, it’s so hard to decipher things by texting. 

On the other hand, I don’t see why he’d turn down another woman if he just wanted something casual, but he could have just been making that up to get your attention! 

Post # 9
Member
4856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would interpret that as someone who wants sex without commitment. I would presume he’s using the same “overly interested” tactic on multiple women as well. Yawn. 

Post # 10
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

footprints:  he is a player and looking to hook up without having to actually court you or ask you out/take you on dates. I would pass, even if it’s casual, I’d still want to be wooed and pursued. You’re worth more than a guy who is clearly not crazy about you. His response was a “eh, you’re cool but I could take it or leave it”. Don’t settle 🙂

Post # 11
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

Booty call…

Post # 12
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

He’s a player.  Just my take.  

Post # 13
Member
7457 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe I’m just clueless but I don’t think a booty call would drive several hours just to have sex with someone. Also, I have never had a guy who just wants to have sex (with no relationship) call me every day. It was always just texts.

OP, I think you should wait and see how his visit goes. Hopefully that will help you guys sort it out!

Post # 14
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would be really wary of this situation.  For one you are texting/calling constantly before even meeting up for a date.  I know you say you’ve known him for a year, but when you text someone constantly before even meeting up for a date you develop this emotional attachment without even really knowing the other person…a pretty major issue.

Let me give you an example: a couple years ago as a newly single girl I started my online dating profile…when I wasn’t totally healed from my breakup.  I was working out of state for the summer so I wasn’t going on dates but I maintained my online dating profile.  I met this one guy who was very intriguing to me.  He was incredibly attractive, we could talk easily, and I got attached relatively quickly.  Oh and he was recently divorced…like within a month of when we started talking.  He kept on claiming “it was over long before we divorced”, but he had some major issues because of it.  We talked and had fun and flirted a ton before even meeting.  Honestly once we met sparks FLEW.  The physical attraction was so high.  I’ve never felt such INTENSE feelings towards someone so quickly.  We had a 1.5 month “relationship” where we went on dates and made out like craaaaazy.  He did me a huge favor and ended it because he recognized we were wanting totally different things.  He desperately wanted sex, I wanted to wait until marriage (and I did wait with my now husband).  He also claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship even though a month after we ended things we ran into each other on a freak accident and he was on a date haha.  I found out recently that this dude is now engaged and I am honestly happy for him; we had a fun summer fling but would have never lasted long term.

My (long-winded, sorry!) point here is that if you talk too long before meeting in person, you can sometimes build that person up in your head which isn’t the most healthy thing to do.  I would go on a date with him as soon as possible and see if it is the same in person.  Go for coffee or a drink or something and just see where things go.  I also agree with other people that this sounds like it may be a booty call so if you aren’t ok with that kind of thing just don’t even bother with him.

Post # 15
Member
12322 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He may be a player, and he may just be socially awkward. His own comment about having to be really clear with him about intentions kind of makes me wonder if he’s on the spectrum.

It is unusual that he’d say he “turned down” the attentions of another woman, hint strongly that it’s because of  you, and then act as if he has no clue how he’s coming across. Normally, that would not be believeable. You’d suspect he’s playing games or that he’s saying the same thing to so many women he can’t keep them straight.

 “I’ll be happy with whatever happens” does come across a bit passive and dispassionate. On the other hand, if he’s on the spectrum, he could also be giving things a very concrete meaning. Whereas you are saying you are interested in seeing where things might go over time in a relationship, he’s thinking very literally about what will occur on the first date. 

Whether he’s a player, has challenges, is just a little awkward, or clueless, these are all things to keep in mind and consider.

Go out with him once and see what you think. 

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