(Closed) Bees.. what would you do??

posted 9 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Should I move?

    Yes, take the risk!

    No, move to Texas later.

  • Post # 3
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Finish school and THEN move to Texas. Going into almost (or more than) $100,000 in debt for school when it could be less than a year’s tuition in Texas is a lot of money!

    In the end, though, that’s just what I’d do. I almost did something similar during my schooling and I know now I would have regretted it. What you decide to do has to be a choice you make on your own.

    Post # 4
    307 posts
    Helper bee

    How does he feel about the possibility of your moving?

    It seems like there is something special about this year.  Why now? How much school do you have left?

    Post # 5
    2559 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Finish school, then move.

    I know it sucks , I did it too. But starting out together in the same city with little/no debt and a degree is an awesome feeling 🙂

    Post # 6
    680 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I’m with others, for that kind of $$ I’d def finish school then move.

    Post # 7
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’d tell him to move to where you are if it’s more financially viable.

    Post # 8
    488 posts
    Helper bee

    I didn’t vote because my answer depends.

    Are you just about to start 4 years of school? And have you applied to schools yet or looked into scholarships?

    ETA – If you are just now applying to schools I think you should apply in Texas and see if you can get any scholarhips before you make your decision. 

    Post # 10
    307 posts
    Helper bee

    Okay, what I understand is that you are not currently enrolled in school and are deciding whether you should attend school closer to home or in Texas.  I think you should make this decision based on what your career goals are with your relationship goals secondary to this.  I think that planning for your future requires considering a lot more than just the cost of school. 

    Is the school that is close to your home better for what you want to do?  Are there resources that might be better at one school vs the other that would help you achieve your goals? What do you ultimately want to do with your life? (You dont have to answer here but in your head, that should be your guiding light).

    On the flip side, can you work part time given your current degree that might help offset any costs if you end up choosing Texas?

    Lastly, have you and your BF ever lived in the same place? Have you always been long distance?  If so, it may be difficult to juggle adjusting to a new place and virtually a somewhat new relationship and school. If not, and you already know what your BF is like long term in person that may be less difficult but will still require some adjustment.


    Post # 12
    1575 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If it were me, I’d probably move to TX & wait the year for residency.  But.. that’s because I don’t like LDRs.  When are you planning on getting engaged & married?  That would probably influence my decision also.  Also, if you plan on living in TX eventually, potential employers there may look more favorably upon you attending the in-state school you mentioned since it is nationally ranked.

    Post # 13
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    If it were me, I’d see if FI-to-be could move to Wisconsin and if that wasn’t viable then I’d move to Texas and wait the year for residency. Would be a good opportunity to work for a year and save up some money for the future, whilst also being with your Fi-to-be. But that’s just me, I value my relationship very highly and it would be worth it to me to postpone school for a year.

    Post # 14
    307 posts
    Helper bee

    Agh! I was so close to finishing a long reply and my son closed the window! >:(

    Any how, hugs! That’s a tough decision! From what I hear from you, you are interested in something very specific and in this case I would lean towards moving.  Finding the right mentors and resources to maximize your learning will make a big difference in your efficacy and success towards your masters. Yes, I also agree with Foxy that networking is crucial to future employment so that would bode well for you to get started earlier than later.

    One year isn’t that long if you truly want to wait for state residency (trust me, I have waited a LONG time to get where I am..it was hard..but it was right for me and my family and in the end I am very happy..a year will not make a big difference whether u finish having kids at 35.5 or 36.5…) However, you are only going to get out of state tuition fees for the first year, so if you are really concerned about the timeline it may be worth it to just get started if you can work to pay some of the fees off.

    In terms of the whole mom thing, I totally understand.  You were her life for 22 years it makes sense that she would still want to have you close.  Waiting 3 years won’t change that much.  Making choices for yourself is part of growing up for both you and her.  She will be okay, have faith. You never know when things might happen so live life to the fullest – if something happens you will be there when they need you – it is just a plane ride away. You hit the nail on the head, the only thing that prevents you from being the best you can be is fear.

    Seven to eight years is a LONG time to be in a LDR.  I am looking at a similar time frame for LDR but I have less choice in the matter.  If I all I had the opportunity to go to a place that offers me better opporutnities for my career and I could be with my BF who is ready to settle down and all I had do was pay one year of out of state tuition (14K) I would definitely do it.

    Of course asking for advice on a forum can only give you so much.  Your life, your family, your education and your relationship are so much more complex.  This is a BIG decision.  Take your time.  Best of luck! Rocks rock! 😀


    Post # 15
    867 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    DO NOT FALL FOR THE MOTHER GUILT!!!!!  My Mom does that.  Grrrr.  

    Finish school, then move.  Don’t incurr that kind of debt.  

    Honestly, do not let your parents be the deciding factor in your decision.  You will have a support system there and in “real” life, your husband comes first and decisions are based on what is the best for the two of you now and in the long run.

    I think you really should sit down with him and talk about it!

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